The Mom Weekly Volume 47: June 25, 2024

Men’s Mental Health Month

Did you know that June is Men’s Mental Health Month? I did not until a few days ago, when two of us were at Sunday Mass (actually Saturday evening) a parish we’ve never been to before, and the church had a poster for this month.

First: mental note to talk to our pastor about putting up such posters. Second: coincidentally, some of my recent reads relate to this topic. This isn’t a super well-constructed review or reflection, but some thoughts. I wanted to be sure to post this when it was still Men’s Mental Health Month, so I don’t have to wait until next year.

(The graphic for this weekly was helpfully shared by G, who came across it after we saw the poster).

My main goal in putting this out there? Reminding everyone, including, and especially this month—men—that (remember this?) taking care of yourself is a strength and a favor to all those whom you love and who love you.

And also, remember how much I love you!

Mom

Beauty in the Browns: Walking With Christ in the Darkness of Depression

This book, written several years ago by journalist and movie critic Paul Asay, is part memoir, part social and medical history of depression, is well-constructed and well-written. He especially discusses the difficulty of men experiencing depression, getting help when they do experience depression, and more.

I found out about it through two articles (not new, but I only came across them a few weeks ago) by Theresa Barber of Alethia. Read these articles here  and here.

I know Tess through Catholic blogging circles, and so I suspected that the book would be good. And it is! Truly a great read.

Here are some of my takeaways:

• exercise and structure are two of the non-therapy, non-medical interventions that work well to keep his depressive epsiodes at bay.

• Great quote: ”But even the best of psychologists and the most effective medication won’t work unless you actively help them work—engaging the world and all its beats with an active stance, not a passive one.”

Asay shares many insights from others on depression, such as Andrew Solomon’s book The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression; and more.

I loved this one from Abraham Lincoln:

• “A tendency to melancholoy is a misfortune, not a fault.”

I also love the occasional reference to J.R.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis. This Puddleglum quote (from The Silver Chair) is near perfection:

Suppose we have only dreamed, or made up, all those things—trees and grass and sun and moon and stars and Aslan himself. Suppose we have. Then all I can say is that, in that case, the made-up things seem a good deal more important than the real ones. Suppose this black pit of a kingdom of yours is the only world. Well, it strikes me as a pretty poor one .. We’re just babies making up a game, if you’re right. But four babies playing a game can make a play-world which licks your real world hollow. That’s why I’m going to stand by the play-world. I’m on Aslan’s side even if there isn’t any Aslan to lead it. I’m going to live as like a Narnian as I can even if there isn’t any Narnia.

(I’m on Aslan’s side, too!).

Walking and mental health

*This article from The Art of Manliness about walking being good for not only physical health, but also mental health as well. (Brett McKay, host of the AoM podcast, has been open about his depressive episodes in his life).

*Inside Out 2

Inside Out 2 has gotten a lot of positive feedback for its realistic presentation of mental health issues, in a fun and accessible way. I haven’t seen it yet, but I plan to and I’d love to as a group!

I remember the first Inside Out being also very well-done and led to some good discussions, and I look forward to the same kinds of discussions here.

And, to circle back to the beginning, here is a Paul Asay movie review of Inside Out 2.

(Interestingly, he also reviewed the first Inside Out movie back in 2015: )

Interesting/Notable

Condoleezza Rice: Juneteenth Is Our Second Independence Day

60 Screen-Free Summer Activities

I like this list of things to consider (maybe for your summer list?) that would prompt fun ideas of things to do.

An action item: Get ready for your quarterly net worth update

The last time I asked you to update your net worth was around September 30—the end of Q3. I think I’m going to make this a recurring reminder quarterly, so that you can get into the habit of updating your net worth quarterly. It’s really neat to see over time—not just a short time, but a long time.

June 30 is the end of Q2—that is, Quarter 2, so it’s time to do so.

This may take slightly longer this first time, if you have not done so. But I promise you, over time, you will be happy that you do this. 

The reason I hesitated is that it could be pretty likely you have a negative net worth, largely because of student loans. But that’s will be so temporary (over the long haul!) that you should not be discouraged by it. 

When people begin to track their net worth, they call it “getting back to zero” when they have a zero net worth. That may not seem promising, but it’s a great accomplishment for those who have paid off a significant amount of debt, whether student loan debt, credit card debt, or other types of debt. 

And it can be very encouraging to see an improvement in your net worth over time. 

Here is a super-simple net worth spreadsheet I put together. There’s no formatting with cool colors and such, but it works. Let me know what you think about it!

A couple of notes:

*Unfortunately, Google Sheets does not allow password-protecting of items. I prefer to keep this information, and most of my spreadsheets, in a format I can password protect. Think Microsoft Excel, Apple’s Numbers, etc. You can even do this on paper if you want, and store it somewhere safe. 

*There are two “sheets” in the spreadsheet I’ve shared—the first is a blank one, and the second is a sample with random numbers that I have included. 

*Sometimes people do not add in their vehicles or mortgages. I do, because you can see how much equity you have in the house or vehicle. But I mentally don’t include them the same weight as other assets, since they are not liquid and it’s not likely one would sell them for living expenses, whether in retirement or not.

What are you doing this weekend? Beach Week Edition

Beach Week is fast approaching, so I’m going to make this a themed “what are you doing this weekend?”

*faith—when are you going to Mass? Does anyone want to go to daily Mass with me during the week?

*cousins—thoughts about things you’d like to do with any particular cousin? Any board games in mind? Sunrise time? Walks on the beach?

*food—make a list (even mentally) of things you want to definitely have when we are at the beach—Dickey’s Frozen Custard? Kohr Bros? Grotto Pizza? A trip (or two) to Candy Kitchen?

The Mom Weekly Volume 46: June 18, 2024

I’m a part of a Facebook group that is about finance for people near or in retirement, and while I almost never post or even comment, I find a lot of helpful information and sources.

An older woman recently posted how she has crippling anxiety about having “enough” in retirement. She wanted some advice from people before she meets with a retirement planner later this month. She said her husband has taken care of most of the financial aspect of things, and she really didn’t know where to start. (The husband is still alive, but she wanted to be an active participant in their future plans). 

Most of the advice was fairly specific—set up a Social Security account to check what your benefit will be; be ready to talk over your retirement goals and needs, etc. 

But it occurred to me (and several others) that this woman needed to be given permission that she could and should do a lot of these things herself, and that starts with self-education. 

So I commented that besides “knowing her numbers,” she should start by reading good books about personal finance with a range of different perspectives. I called it her “self-education.” Over time, I said, she would gradually develop her own approach, and this would give her more comfort with her own situation. Some of what I said I will put in another Mom Weekly, because it was really long!

Like this woman, most people—myself included—tend to put off things that are good for us. We are prone to inertia, and that can be true for anything—cleaning out a junk drawer, making our annual check-ups, planning things with friends. And it’s especially true for finance issues.

When it comes to money, many people have either analysis paralysis; anxiety about even knowing about money issues; or have little interest in their money, or think it makes no difference. What’s the solution?

Take small steps.

Every little thing that you do gets your financial life more in order, and instead of saying, “I must do absolutely everything all at once.”

So let’s start with a simple thing that is likely to have a decent (or better) payoff for nearly everyone: getting money into a high-yield savings account. Let’s do it together, shall we?

One Small Step: Banking

Chris Hutchins of All the Hacks did an episode on the best bank accounts to optimize your money based on features, interest rates, and more. Personally, I love this kind of “deep dive” If you do, too, you can find that episode here.

But if I’m honest, many of the people in my life, and most people in general, would find this kind of detail overwhelming, and give up after about five minutes. And yet: just about everyone would benefit from having their cash earning a decent amount of interest, and it’s pretty easy to do so.

Let’s take a hypothetical person who received a giant tax return or other windfall of $10,000, and wants to put it somewhere safe and also optimized.

Option 1: under the mattress.

Safe? No. Your house could burn down, or it could be stolen.

Optimized? No. Need I explain more?

Option 2: deposit it in your basic checking or savings account with the bank you’ve had for a long time.

Safe? Yes.

Optimized? No. Most checking and savings accounts offer next to nothing in interest.

Option 3: deposit it in a high yield savings account

Safe? Yes, assuming you are using a reputable bank.

Optimized? Yes, depending on the interest rate.

Option 4: put it all in Gamestop stock.

Ha! No.

So let’s assume that Option 3 is best, but you don’t yet have a high yield savings account. Where to start?

As a baseline, most people have a checking account, and perhaps a savings account, at a bank. Money in those accounts earns next to nothing in interest. When interest rates were a lot lower, this wasn’t quite as non-optimized as it is today.

Opening a High-Yield Savings Account

If you’re a “money nerd,” then of course you might look into various accounts and banks, like the All The Hacks episode. But if you’re not, I encourage you to choose a bank you’re familiar with that also offers high-yield savings accounts, and open a savings account.

Two of the most well-known banks that offer simple high-interest (or high-yield) savings accounts are Discover Bank and Capital One. Each one’s basic savings account automatically offer a pretty decent rate of interest — 4.25 percent interest.

Here are some screenshots to get you started:

Here’s the page for Capital One savings accounts.

Here is Discover  (random note: for people new to Discover savings, Discover has a $150 or $200 bonus for those who can deposit $15,000 or $25,000. If that’s you, it is free money and worth doing. You’ll get the bonus in addition to the great interest rate.

You’ll notice both have no fees, and no minimums. That’s important, as some banks have high minimums or high fees.

Both account types also have an automatic interest rate. Some banks require you to have a specific “kind” of account to get the high-yield interest rate, and people have learned the hard way they had the next-to-nothing rate when they thought they had a high-interest one.

Once you open the account, you will link your current bank and transfer over as much or as little as you like.

Running the Numbers

Let’s run some numbers, taking the hypothetical person with the $10,000 just sitting in a basic checking or savings account. By transferring over that money and letting it sit, they would earn:

• $425 each year

• $35 each month

That may not be life-changing money, but wouldn’t you be glad to find $35 (even more so $425) that you didn’t know about in your junk drawer? Because it’s probably easier to open a high-yield savings account as it is to clean out a junk drawer. 

That compares to:

• $0 for option 1 (under the mattress)

• $3 for option 2 (basic checking/savings at a typical bank—interest is .03% or less)

Of course, interest earned on savings accounts is taxable. But even if your tax rate is 30 percent for both federal and state (on the high end for most people), you’d still have:

• $297 each year

• $25 each month

And of course, there is the compounding effect, so in subsequent years the amount would be higher.

Bonus Points

For bonus points, you could set up multiple savings accounts, as I have done, for different categories (charity, travel, auto, emergency fund, gifts, etc.). 

And for even more bonus points? Take a moment to set up direct-deposit of a small amount—even a few dollars — of each paycheck to a few accounts monthly to help fund both needs and wants.

We could get into the idea of maybe purchasing CDs, or I-Bonds, or some other instrument that would provide a higher interest rate, and a more guaranteed rate for a longer time period. But for now, just get your high-yield savings account set up, and thank me later!

Remember how much I love you,

Mom

Interesting/Notable:

Our family friend Lindsey on the problems with “abolishing families”–Verily

The case for showing up to church—even if you don’t believe in God–America Magazine

An action item: Strip (Some) Laundry

This article describes how and why to strip your laundry. I do this periodically with workout gear, some shirts, and other items that start to get a little funky, even after washing. Give it a try! It’s really satisfying.

What are you doing this weekend?

So, now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing:

*faith—when are you going to Mass?

*friends—what friends will you see or connect with?

*food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit?

*fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally).

The Mom Weekly Volume 44: June 4, 2024

ADHD is Awesome

That’s the title of a new book by Penn and Kim Holderness, the couple who make funny parody videos and other online content https://theholdernessfamily.com/. We enjoyed watching them win The Amazing Race a few years ago. The couple has been open for years about Penn’s ADHD, and how they manage it, and this book is longer treatment of this. It was a good quick read. I think the last third of the book is the most effective, because they talk about actual strategies for managing ADHD in relationships.

One sidebar feature of the book is “A Note From Kim” which is about how people who love those with ADHD can be good partners, parents, and friends. I found this quote especially apt:

It’s taken many years of marriage for me to really understand how Penn’s brain works. I had to learn to not take it personally when he’s on the executive functioning struggle bus. I also have to remind myself that I have my own issues, and he provides me endless grace. Penn never uses his diagnosis as an excuse for bad behavior. He also tries to apologize any time that behavior affects me directly. I think that’s key for a supportive partnership.

I also loved that Penn is a heavy checklist user, since I am a big checklist fan. As he writes, “As David Allen, author of Getting Things Done, says, “Your mind is for having ideas, not holding them.”

Putting what you have to do down in a place you can trust to find again (My main digital checklist tools? ToDoist and Google Keep, along with analog lists), is key.

Penn manages to be realistic without being fatalistic about people with ADHD. On the one hand people who have it can struggle with organization and executive function.

But he doesn’t make it an all-purpose excuse: “Oops, whatever I did, doesn’t matter because ADHD!” Penn makes the case—because it’s true! — that those with ADHD can improve and thrive, with the right tools: strategies, tools (like lists!) medicine (but not for everyone); and therapy.

Isn’t that true of all of us? We can improve in many areas, by looking for the right tools and the right strategies and the right help.

Remember how much I love you,

Mom

Interesting/Notable:

Butterfly In the Sky: The Story of Reading Rainbow 

When I’m saving this, I have only watched the first few minutes, but this looks lovely. I assume it will hold up.

Obituary of Michael Sugrue

Dad & J (and the rest of us) have been having some interesting discussion about this professor: 

Rhubarb Rap

I thought this was super cute. And I love rhubarb!

An action item: Make a List

I know, I know! Some of us don’t like lists. But honestly, a short list on Apple Reminders or Google Keep could be a good way to capture even one category of something you’d like to accomplish. 

For instance, you could make a list of phone calls you need to make during the summer—perhaps making needed appointments like for the eye doctor, the dentist, or annual checkups. 

Or you could set a timer for 5 minutes, and write down in a list (analog or digital) of anything you can think of you might want to do in the next week. Getting those things out of your head and into a reliable list (one you will be able to find and refer to) can really free up your mind for better things!   

What are you doing this weekend?

So, now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing:

*faith—when are you going to Mass?

*friends—what friends will you see or connect with?

*food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit?

*fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally).