You can read this, or any other previous Mom Weeklies, by going to the website here.
60 Days to the End of the Year
A few weeks ago, I read about how there are only (at that time) 75 days left in the year, and it’s a great re-set and time to set some goals.
This is a little bit along the lines of how September—the beginning of the school year— is a kind of January 1, a time to make goals and to feel accomplished towards the end of the year.
Since it’s almost November, there are (approximately, for round numbers) 60 days until the end of 2024.
I know we are all pretty busy, but I think it could be fun (really!) to set a goal to accomplish before the end of 2024. Doing this in the next few days would allow 60 days to spend on a project, and likely accomplish a project or make progress on a goal.
I got thinking about this because of my birthday hike this past weekend. I have been avoiding hilly trail hikes the last few months since I wasn’t feeling super strong from my broken ankle recovery.
Instead, I’ve focused on long, relatively flat hike/walks, and on lifting weights to improve my stamina. This weekend was the first time I was trying a hilly trail in a few months, and it felt great. I felt strong and solid. I’m so grateful for my recovery, for all of the help everyone gave me while I was recovering, and that my work to get stronger has worked!
Since the JASNA AGM last week, I’ve been thinking about all things Jane Austen. So I have set my 60-day goal to finish two Jane-related projects that I’ve got a good start on. Nothing more specific right now, but I do plan to will be daily time on those.
What is something that you can set as a 60-day goal? I’d love to know what you have chosen, and something you would like to do.
Speaking of JASNA, during English Country Dance lessons, we learned the dance (not historically accurate, but worked well for filming) from the 1995 Pride & Prejudice. It was so much fun!
An Action Item: Set a 60-Day Goal
See above! Even a mini-goal would be fun to set and to accomplish.
What are you doing this weekend?
So, now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing:
*faith—when are you going to Mass?
*friends—what friends will you see or connect with?
*food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit?
*fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally).
You can read this, or any other previous Mom Weeklies, by going to the website here.
Notes:
Since it is close to my birthday, and I am beyond the age my Mom was when she made her “60-year-old” comment to me referenced below, I thought I would share this reflection from nearly 20 years ago me. I have had a lot to say!
I love birthdays so much!
And, of course, remember how much I love you,
Mom
The 80-Year-Old 43 Year Old (From the Vault, 2007)
Several weeks ago, I was at a gathering of moms. I made a comment about “being older” in some context which escapes me now. We all laughed about whatever the comment was, but then one friend said, laughingly, something along the lines of, “When you make a comment like that, I always think about it like you think you are some 80-year-old lady.”
It was a funny aside, but it gave me pause. I have noticed myself that I tend to make these “I am getting older” comments and I my younger friends are a little perplexed, or they think I am giving up. I’ve been reflecting on this lately and wondering why I do this.
When my mother was 60 years old, I was 25. I remember her saying, “I’m old,” and it seemed to me at the time as a kind of giving up or a hopeless statement.
And I said, “Mom, you are NOT old. You are 60—that’s middle-aged!” She replied, “60 is not middle-aged. Nancy, how many 120-year-olds do you know?” That set me back a little, but I still argued with her and talked about how active she was, how much she did, how much of her life was left to live well. She agreed with all of that, but persisted in saying that it was “real” that she was old.
Now I think I understand a little of what she meant by the statement. It’s just an acceptance of a reality; a meditation in a way about the end of human life. What one does with this reality is the important thing.
I am officially middle-aged now. I don’t really see it as a crisis or a tragedy—oh, no, no more miniskirts! (never me anyway), but as a reality that can be frustrating, funny, and frightening, all at the same moment.
Having a preschooler when one is over 40 and very (though happily) gray-haired in a small community where more people have grandchildren than children at this age sometimes makes me feel a bit odd. Sir and I laugh about it, but we tire of having to say, “No, they are my children, not my grandchildren.”
It is kind of funny to admit my wounded pride there. Do I really look or act that old, I think? I don’t feel that I do; I stay active and love having little kids; I know I am a much better parent at this age than I would have been as a younger me (though children earlier would have been good for me in so many ways!)
There is a sense in which these comments of mine, even internal comments, are my mid-life crisis—really coming to terms with and meditating on what it means to grow older, and yes, to die. I am so much more aware of it than I was in my 20s and 30s. The physical signs are only a little bit of what I’m feeling. While it is true that I don’t bounce back from injuries or late nights or overeating as I did in my “younger days,” I would say I am in better shape now than many times during my life, and I am much more careful about taking care of myself.
But at the same time, I feel a growing sense of urgency to accomplish goals before… I don’t know; it’s not exactly getting old, or dying…. Even though I know that decline is decades in the future, decades is not so long anymore.
It is so easy to keep putting things off and putting things off until it really is too late. Time is just moving too quickly for me these days.
Also, I am much more sensitive in a number of ways to mortality, and old age, and weakness. It is not just my own, far away as that may be (or as close as it may be; the fragility of life is painfully close sometimes). Emotionally, I am much more aware. Funerals affect me much more deeply than in the past; I feel more a sense of being closer to the person dying than I ever have in the past. I feel this partially because my mother is somewhere along the path to death. The idea of losing my mom, either of my parents, is just overwhelming at times. I know intellectually this is the normal scope of things, but it still feels scary.
Ralph McInerny, one of my heroes and author of the excellent memoir I Alone Have Escaped to Tell You, talks about it as “standing on the precipice separating time and eternity” when the people he most admires begin to die.
He says it much more eloquently, but I would describe it is as a fundamental vulnerability—there is no more layer of protection between me and the wide world. That sounds strange; I have been independent of my parents for many years in so many ways, and I act very grown-up, but actually being that grown-up person…wow.
And yet I can remind myself that we are all surrounded by “so great a cloud of witnesses” in the communion of saints. There is a layer there; we are all connected. Perhaps this is God’s way of helping me understand some of these theological concepts in a real way.
So I tend to comment on my age a bit lately, and I will continue to comment on my age. For me, it is not an excuse, or a complaint, or a giving up. It is a continuing meditation about what it means to grow older, to have life and have it abundantly, at the same time to always keep in mind the last things.
It is not because I feel like an 80-year-old, I promise you, even if I do complain about the aches and pains and grandmother comments. I am just standing on the precipice of time and eternity, trying to embrace the view.
Interesting/Notable:
This TMW is scheduled to go out on the feast day of St. John Paul the Great. I will definitely eat some sweets in celebration of this feast, since he had a big sweet tooth.
This is my absolutely favorite video related to JPII:
As you know, one of my favorite things to do around my birthday is to go to confession. I’m just going to reprint what I wrote last year on my birthday TMW. (and, by the way, I was able to get to confession last week when I was in Cleveland for JASNA!):
Are you getting some sunshine every day? I really hope so. I’ve been trying to make an effort to do so, especially early in the day.
Because it’s my birthday, most of you will remember what I always ask: go to confession.
My friend Susan used to joke with me about it, because admittedly it is a little odd tradition. She would say, “Hey, great, we’re going to confession for your birthday!” But I really love confession, especially after confession! (Kind of like a good workout).
If you can’t get to confession, try to find a time in the next few weeks to do so. What you can do today—since all of you live within walking distance of a Catholic Church — is go make a visit to Jesus and say hi! He loves you way more than I do.
What are you doing this weekend?
So, now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing:
*faith—when are you going to Mass?
*friends—what friends will you see or connect with?
*food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit?
*fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally).
Last week, Dad and I were watching a Zoom video he wanted to see of a talk by a theologian. True confession: since I don’t have the most theological mind, it wasn’t my favorite. That is especially since the talk began after dinner, when I want something light and fun to read or watch.
I was paying attention, however, because during the Q&A section, someone asked about prayer apps, and the theologian made the comment, (this is almost verbatim) “We have apps that pray for us… it’s not a good thing.”
Well, that stopped me in my tracks. And I started to get convicted—to use the Protestant expression of realizing you may have been wrong.
As you know, I am a big fan of the Hallow App. Now, there are a few things that aren’t great about the app and some of the audio talks, but the vast majority of it is solid. I usually join in with the regular “challenges,” which are audios over a period of days, with different people, sometimes religious, sometimes priests, or even celebrities. If I don’t like a day, or a challenge, I move on. There are also tons of novenas and other things.
(This is why I still call Lent “Mark Wahlberg’s 40 Day Challenge” every year, just for the fun of it.
I have been praying—with Hallow — the Rosary every morning for years as I walk the dogs and feed them breakfast. And I’ve been praying the Rosary without Hallow for decades before that. And wow, it is so much easier to have a guide (I prefer Anna, who has a British accent), lead the rosary, and I can pray along.
But the comment about “apps praying ‘for’ you” made me think: maybe I’m having the app “pray for me”? Maybe I’m not really honoring God by using an app to pray, and I should be sitting or kneeling and focusing on the Rosary more specifically, instead of trying to do it at the same time I am walking/taking care of dogs/the house?
In general, I think that praying while you are doing something else is perfectly fine. When I used to run half-marathons and marathons, I would usually start with a Rosary, and then each mile I try to dedicate to a different intention.
But maybe using an app to do so is somehow not kosher? I do have a problem with my mind wandering in prayer. I know I’m not alone, thank you St. Therese the Little Flower! Maybe I should work on that, instead of having an app keep me on track?
I’m not exaggerating when I say the comment really affected me, and had me reconsidering how I pray.
And then, the next day, I came across this quote from St. Thomas Aquinas:
“It is not necessary that prayer should be attentive throughout, because the force of the original intention with which one sets about praying renders the whole prayer meritorious.”
Is the right expression here “mic drop”? I just relaxed as I listened to it. And where did I encounter this quote? Yes, on the HALLOW APP.
screenshot from the Hallow app.
And that brought to mind Romans 8:26-27:
Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes[a] with sighs too deep for words. And God, who searches the heart, knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.
Even the Holy Spirit helps us pray!!!
Anyway, I’m sure the theologian had a lot of good things to say. But his criticism of prayer apps was not one of them.
I’m also glad that I can pray in the ways that work best for me. I encourage you to do the same.
Remember how much I love you (and how much I pray for you!),
Action Item: Consider checking out something on the Hallow App
Now that we know St. Thomas Aquinas has basically endorsed prayer apps, why not take some time to check out some of the good features on Hallow? Remember that everything won’t appeal to you, and that’s okay. Move on if it doesn’t. Just a few ideas:
*Catholic Lofi. I like the “Vibes with Aquinas” playlist here, for quiet music for productivity.
*Sleep meditations and music
*courses: Therapist Regina Boyd’s Stress & Anxiety course was a good listen.
*audiobooks. I adored Sister Orianne, FSP, delightful read St. Therese’s “Story of a Soul.” Her narration was just spot on.
*challenges. A Challenge starting soon is one about C.S. Lewis’ “Mere Christianity” featuring, of all people, Bear Grylls! That should be an interesting listen. Know that if I like it, I’ll keep listening, but if not, I’ll move on…
What are you doing this weekend?
So, now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing:
*faith—when are you going to Mass?
*friends—what friends will you see or connect with?
*food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit?
*fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally).
You can read this, or any other previous Mom Weeklies, by going to the website here.
Notes
I found this golden “from the vault” awhile back, and when I was queuing up the birthday one from last week, I found it again, and it actually made me tear up more than a little bit. I had not remembered this at all (unlike the French-fry stealing anecdote, which is family lore). But what a terrific, and completely ON BRAND exchange between myself and one of my children.
We can consider it an extra birthday treat for the birthday girl, and her Mommy.
. . . giving your children space and safety to express their emotions.
I don’t think I have a problem with this, which is a relief because I sometimes feel such a failure in so many areas of the relationship/parenting thing. This happened several weeks ago but I have not had the chance to write it down.
I have been reading Raising Cain, and am particularly struck by the notion of letting boys (and girls!) have an internal life, and helping them to recognize and identify their own feelings.
For the last several weeks, Homegirl has been very, very interested in (that would be obsessed) with rhyming words. She blurted out as she was climbing into bed last night, “cold, fold, mold,” to which I replied, “sold, bold, old.” (Note to self—take the opportunity to teach writing poetry and writing rhyming couplets).
The wrinkle here is she believes words only rhyme when they are spelled the same at the end. For instance, rhyme and time would not rhyme, in her theory. She’ll get into big arguments with Mom about this, and I confess I have not handled them all with the grace and patience needed.
When it started, I was trying in my-not-most -patient way, to explain to her SYNONYMS — that words can be spelled differently and sound exactly alike, (sale, sail, wail, whale), thus proving that rhyming words need not be spelled alike.
That day, I happened to be writing our weekly schedule of events on the dry erase board in the kitchen. As I finished, I wrote down some of these words on the board so she could see, in FACT, that these words SOUND alike, but are not SPELLED alike. This was the tenor of my voice, too (i.e., ALL CAPS RAISED VOICE).
I think I wrote down a few words, and also of words that rhyme but are not spelled similarly. (doll, wall). In her tenacious way, she was having none of it and I left the area to put some things in the dishwasher and just get some space because it was so exasperating.
She wrote carefully on the dry erase board, “Mom, I hate you sometimes.” I saw it and left it there, not commenting. What was there to say? We talked about other things; I think I helped her get a snack. After awhile, she erased the message and kissed me, saying, “I love you, Mom,” and skipped off to the next thing. I love you, too, dear one, more than you can know.
I really enjoyed watching this video! It’s all about having realistic ideas in relationships, and thoughts on the beginning stages of dating. I have not read the book he references, and it is not available from the library. I noticed he did this video back in 2021, and he was married earlier this year. Coincidence? 🙂
This is a 10-year-old article that popped up on my Atlantic app. It holds up! Read it to understand the action item below.
An Action Item: Look for (and respond to!) “Bids” for Attention from Loved Ones
If you read The Atlantic article above, you’ll see that the Gottmans promote the idea of responding to “bids for attention.” Here’s a quote from the article
“Throughout the day, partners would make requests for connection, what Gottman calls “bids.” For example, say that the husband is a bird enthusiast and notices a goldfinch fly across the yard. He might say to his wife, “Look at that beautiful bird outside!” He’s not just commenting on the bird here: He’s requesting a response from his wife—a sign of interest or support—hoping they’ll connect, however momentarily, over the bird. The wife now has a choice. She can respond by either “turning toward” or “turning away” from her husband, as Gottman puts it. Though the bird-bid might seem minor and silly, it can actually reveal a lot about the health of the relationship. The husband thought the bird was important enough to bring it up in conversation and the question is whether his wife recognizes and respects that.
“People who turned toward their partners in the study responded by engaging the bidder, showing interest and support in the bid. Those who didn’t—those who turned away—would not respond or respond minimally and continue doing whatever they were doing, like watching TV or reading the paper. Sometimes they would respond with overt hostility, saying something like, “Stop interrupting me, I’m reading.”
So, your action item is to respond—positively, naturally!—to bids for attention from loved ones in your life. For instance, your Mom might text you, and you could text her back! LOL.
What are you doing this weekend?
So, now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing:
*faith—when are you going to Mass?
*friends—what friends will you see or connect with?
*food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit?
*fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally).
You can read this, or any other previous Mom Weeklies, by going to the website here.
Birthday From the Vault: Happy Golden Birthday, Homegirl! (October 2006)
Notes:
I cannot believe how much this “from the vault” post describes our very own Homegirl today, and how true to her personality and character it still is, as a young adult.
I honestly feel like I could have written all of the below for this birthday. A love of puzzles? Check. A love of reading? Check. Good at boundaries? Check, check, check.
In case you have forgotten, “God grant her many years” is a saying that Eastern Catholics will say on someone’s birthday.
Remember, on your birthday, and every day, how much I love you,
Mom
Happy Golden Birthday Homegirl!(From the Vault, October 2006)
You are turning six years old today on October 6. Another family we know celebrates golden birthdays, when you turn the age of your date, so we are adopting this tradition. It is an extra special birthday, and I am all for that as I love birthdays (and I’m just sorry that I missed my golden birthday 19 years ago….)
You are sweet and dear and I love you. You enjoy doing puzzles (thus this photo).
You love being read to (we are currently listening to Dr. Doolittle on audiobook, and nighttime reading are the Kit books). Now that you are learning to read, you love reading everything when we are out and about. This can be a bit maddening as Mommy is trying to rush through a store and you are sounding out, “press button to open.”
One of your great qualities is that you are not at all a pushover. Mommy likes to be the “french fry stealer” because she hardly ever orders them for herself, but loves just a few when we get fast food. One day Mom took a few from yours. You looked at me with big eyes and shook your head and said, “No more” And I didn’t take any more!
I hope you always keep this quality. Boundaries are really important, and if you can learn them with french fry-stealing moms now, you’ll be great when it comes to pushy friends or pushy bosses.
God grant her many years, God grant her many years, God grant her many blessed years.
To me, a birthday is a great reason to bake a cake, or frosted brownies, or some other treat. Consider doing that, or at least getting a fun treat at a local bakery!
What are you doing this weekend?
So, now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing:
*faith—when are you going to Mass?
*friends—what friends will you see or connect with?
*food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit?
*fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally).
You can read this, or any other previous Mom Weeklies, by going to the website here.
People Want to Help
As I have mentioned before, I keep a list of potential “headlines” for future Weeklies, and turn to them when I have my “writing time” and can devote some effort to this.
Today’s headline—People Want to Help—didn’t have anything written or any notes. But you may remember me saying this adage from time to time.
It can be a natural inclination for most people—in different situations—to avoidasking for help. We don’t want to be any trouble, or we do not want to bother people. We’d rather figure something out ourselves than request assistance.
But the research shows that far from making people resent us, people who are the “helpers” feel more positive about themselves, and feel more positive about the person being helped.
It can be awkward to ask for help, or to reach out to someone, depending on the situation. But knowing that it can brighten someone’s day, why not give it a try?
The researchers found that even reaching out to a friend with a text saying “hi” can mean a lot. I encourage you to try it, once a day or more, if possible! Consider this your bonus “action item” if you’d like!
Now, this doesn’t always work. For instance, the day that I’m writing the first draft of this happened to be one of the last days to swim at our outdoor pool this season. When I arrived, there were no empty lanes; even the non-laned part of the pool had several swimmers.
So, as we are supposed to do, I asked a swimmer if I could share the lane with her. She was not happy to help, let’s just put it that way! She was downright grumpy about it, but in the end, she did share, as she only had a lap or two to go. I hope that she felt more positive about the situation by the time she finished swimming. We can only hope. 🙂
Just as I was finishing my laps (grumpy swimmer had already finished her laps and left), I could see a man about to join the person in the lane next to me. I called over, “This is my last lap!” So he would know he had a lane to himself. He was delighted. And it gave me a little boost of happiness!
So, this is your gentle reminder to ask for help (and say thank you!) for something small in the next few days. Ask someone to hold the door for you if you’re holding some books or a coffee. Ask a friend (or your Mom, hint, hint) for advice about something. Text a friend just to say hi (and make a goal for once a week or more!)
For some reason, I can remember my Mom laughing at this video when it was on TV. Maybe I misremembered? Anyway, it is pretty funny.
And who could forget the fun Schoolhouse Rock song, “Interjections!”?
An Action Item: Get Ready for Your Quarterly Net Worth Update
I hope you remember that at the end of each quarter, I suggest you update your net worth. September 30 is the end of Q3, or the third quarter of 2024.
Repeating from earlier updates:
This may take slightly longer this first time, if you have not done so. But I promise you, over time, you will be happy that you do this.
The reason I hesitated is that it could be pretty likely you have a negative net worth, largely because of student loans. But that’s will be so temporary (over the long haul!) that you should not be discouraged by it.
When people begin to track their net worth, they call it “getting back to zero” when they have a zero net worth. That may not seem promising, but it’s an impressive accomplishment for those who have paid off a significant amount of debt, whether student loan debt, credit card debt, or other types of debt.
And it can be very encouraging to see an improvement in your net worth over time.
*Unfortunately, Google Sheets does not allow password-protecting of items. I prefer to keep this information, and most of my spreadsheets, in a format I can password protect. Think Microsoft Excel, Apple’s Numbers, etc. You can even do this on paper if you want, and store it somewhere safe.
*There are two “sheets” in the spreadsheet I’ve shared—the first contains no entries, and the second is a sample with random numbers that I have included.
*Sometimes people do not add in their vehicles or mortgages. I do, because you can see how much equity you have in the house or vehicle. But informally, I don’t include them the same weight as other assets, since they are not liquid and it’s not likely one would sell them for living expenses, whether in retirement or not.
What are you doing this weekend?
So, now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing:
*faith—when are you going to Mass?
*friends—what friends will you see or connect with?
*food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit?
*fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally).
