You can read this, or any other previous Mom Weeklies, by going to the home page here.
Notes:
After I completed this, I realized that my part-time job is actually writing The Mom Weekly. It’s a joy and a privilege. And also related to my vocation of being your Mom, also a joy and a privilege!
Remember how much I love you,
Mom
What’s Your Part-Time Job?
As most of you know, we have a running joke with Dad about his love of reading, if not the entire, or maybe darn near close, the New York Times online edition. (Slight aside: We haven’t been able to get the paper delivered in some years, which is a tremendous relief to me, as we don’t need to recycle all the newspapers.)
Anyway, we started calling it his “part-time job,” especially on Sundays, and when we are the beneficiary of interesting commentary/curious travel/trendy recipes from Dad, we can say that it’s all due to the part-time job.
That got me thinking: everyone probably has this kind of “thing”—something that they enjoy, but they also feel the need to complete, that takes up a fair bit of time. It’s a fun thought experiment:
What’s your part-time job?
For awhile, I thought for me it could be the games that I like to complete—Wordle, Connections, Letroso, Spelling Bee, maybe some crosswords, the Linked Games line-up. But honestly, all of that doesn’t take very long—it’s more of a very freelance gig, rather than a true “job.”
Perhaps taking care of the dogs? That takes more than a half-hour a day! And it does pay rewards in that the dogs are pretty attached to me and follow me around and are good cuddle buddies. And, like a break from a job, I truly enjoy my vacation from the dogs when I am traveling. So yes, taking care of the dogs is my part-time job.
My work coordinating points and miles travel among family members has become a part-time job, both in time and expertise. I would hazard to say that its “salary” or payoff is pretty high, if we consider some of the fun/comfortable travel we have been able to complete in recent years. So, I think I will stick to that part-time job.
Time for you: what is your part-time job? You’ll enjoy thinking about it, and if you don’t like your part-time job, what would you like to substitute it for something else?
Interesting/Notable:
This YouTube video started playing when I was looking something up, and I watched every minute:
We turned a schoolhouse into our dream home.
Wow, what a crazy, incredibly involved project. Some of the items I remember doing when we first had our 1920s house. Yes, your Mom glazed windows and did a lot of other crazy stuff, because when you are younger, you think this is fun!
The spaces in this schoolhouse are very cool, actually, but so much work! I also don’t think that I would want to live in that big of a space. I wonder what their heating and cooling bills look like.
The Sunday morning of each JASNA AGM begins with a Jane Austen themed “Fun Run/Walk.” For a conference that had nearly 1,000 attendees, I was surprised that only 14 showed up for the run—about half were runners and half walkers. But that made it a very convivial group and a fun early morning time.
(Digression: one of the runners was Friday night’s speaker, Susannah Harker. She played Jane Bennet in the 1995 adaptation of Pride & Prejudice, and if you’ve seen that adaptation, she is EXACTLY as you would imagine her. An absolutely lovely person in every way. She was a runner, and I was a walker, so we didn’t get a chance to visit until we sat together at the SAME TABLE at breakfast later that morning. One of the people at her table called me over when I was fruitlessly looking for a seat).
Since about half of us were walking, I was able to drift in and out of several conversations. At one point, I was talking with a woman about something medical and I mentioned that one of my sisters is a doctor (and somehow had mentioned I’m one of six). She said, “Do you have any lawyers?” To which I responded, “hahaha, you have no idea!” And then she said, “Do you have any finance people?” And I said, “Well, my son is an accountant, and I do financial writing, and there’s an actuary among the cousins.” And then she said, “Well, you’ve got everything covered. It must be nice.”
It must be nice. Yes, it is nice! Through the rest of that morning a phrase kept popping up to me: we experience the privilege of a large family.
The word “privilege” has become loaded and even fraught in our current culture. There’s the saying, “Check your privilege” when discussing certain topics. I could write a lot about why I don’t find “check your privilege” a particularly useful construct because you never know what someone has gone through, either for good or ill, and may not have as much privilege or as little privilege as you suspect. Appearances can be deceiving.
But … There is a privilege to being part of a large family. It’s not just because in our family, some of us are medical professionals, and others are lawyers and a judge, and some are money nerds, and others are artists and thinkers and extraordinary people. All those things are well and good. But they don’t “cover everything,” as my fellow walker thought.
The connection and the love that we share are the real privilege.
Yes, we have a person to call or text when we have a medical issue, or a legal issue, and I in particular LOVE to help people with money questions. But that’s not the real privilege.
It’s not that we don’t annoy or irk each other (understatement) or disagree strongly about issues, or have the same outlook on things. I, for instance, have zero interest in sports, which puts me at a distinct disadvantage among our sports-loving family. But I know I still belong!
I invite you over the next few days to consider what a privilege you have in being part of a large family. I invite you to experience gratitude for our large family, and rest in that gratitude to help you get through the inevitable bumps and annoyances that come along with a lot of people interacting.
Remember how much I love you (and our large family!),
This piece is lovely, and beautiful. We can make a way to have the life and the family we want. Finances shouldn’t be the main consideration about this.
I thought this was a very helpful video about how to declutter large amounts of items, and also how to arrange an apartment or home in a way that serves the people living there and their style. In this case, lots of open storage—which can be great for ADHD. And I love the reveal. It’s worth watching in the background while you are doing something else.
You can read this, or any other previous Mom Weeklies, by going to the home page here. https://themomweekly.com/
Time to Update Your Net Worth (Mom’s Occasional Money Advice)
We are at the end of the quarter, so it is time to update your net worth!
Yes, this headline pops up every quarter, and that is not going to change.
Here’s why: I am trying to convince you to start this practice early, so you can feel more confident over time about how your money life looks. It really works!
Calculating net worth has been enormously helpful in making me feel more confident about our finances, just by knowing.
Before doing this regularly, I might have been concerned about our spending at different times—for instance, sometimes we would have a year when we had big tuition bills, or we had done a lot of house-related spending.
I would have an amorphous feeling like, “eek, we are spending too much..” or “things don’t feel stable, but I can’t imagine how to figure this out except for taking a million years to track every bit of our spending…”
Or, alternatively, I might think, “Everything’s great!” But not really know.Knowledge is power, as the kids like to say. And it’s true!
Even when headlines talk about how bad the stock market is doing, or how terrible the housing market is in our area—both things that occurred in the recent past—I can look at how our personal finances are doing, and not pay attention so much to what the headlines say.
Here is a version of my regular pitch:
This may take slightly longer this first time, if you have not done so. But I promise you, over time, you will be happy that you do this.
The only reason I hesitate is that, especially for younger people, it could be pretty likely you have a negative net worth, largely because of student loans. But that’s will be so temporary (over the long haul!) that you should not be discouraged by it.
When people begin to track their net worth, they call it “getting back to zero” when they have a zero net worth. That may not seem promising, but it’s a great accomplishment for those who have paid off a significant amount of debt, whether student loan debt, credit card debt, or other types of debt.
And it can be very encouraging to see an improvement in your net worth over time.
There’s no formatting with cool colors and such, but it works and completes the calculations for you. Let me know what you think about it!
A few notes:
*Make your own spreadsheet or list. Unfortunately, Google Sheets does not allow password-protecting of items. I prefer to keep this information, and most of my spreadsheets, in a format I can password protect. Think Microsoft Excel, Apple’s Numbers, etc. You can even do this on paper if you want, and store it somewhere safe.
*There are two “sheets” in the shared spreadsheet — the first is a blank one, and the second is a sample with random numbers that I have included. I have added made-up numbers to the sample sheet, so you can see how the numbers change over time.
*Sometimes people do not include their vehicles or mortgages. I do, because you can see how much equity you have in the house or vehicle. But I mentally don’t include them with the same weight as other assets, since they are not liquid and it’s not likely one would sell them for living expenses, in retirement or not.
I love this! This is written by an online friend I met years ago at a Catholic blogger conference. Like her, I have met people through noticing them at church. It’s really worth a quick conversation!
You can read this, or any other previous Mom Weeklies, by going to the home page here.
Notes:
Because of the rather spontaneous travel that some of us are doing this week, it made the most sense to me to expand on the action item for this week: Update your net worth. I hope you take a moment to make a simple (or complicated) spreadsheet with your info. Once you get it started, it’s a breeze to update your numbers once a quarter.
Give it a try!
Remember how much I love you,
Mom
Time to Update Your Net Worth (Mom’s Occasional Money Advice)
Yesterday was the end of Quarter 2 of the year, so it’s time to update your net worth!
Here is my regular pitch for this:
This may take slightly longer this first time, if you have not done so. But I promise you, over time, you will be happy that you do this.
The reason I hesitated is that, especially for younger people, it could be pretty likely you have a negative net worth, largely because of student loans. But that’s will be so temporary (over the long haul!) that you should not be discouraged by it.
When people begin to track their net worth, they call it “getting back to zero” when they have a zero net worth. That may not seem promising, but it’s a great accomplishment for those who have paid off a significant amount of debt, whether student loan debt, credit card debt, or other types of debt.
And it can be very encouraging to see an improvement in your net worth over time.
*Make your own spreadsheet or list. Unfortunately, Google Sheets does not allow password-protecting of items. I prefer to keep this information, and most of my spreadsheets, in a format I can password protect. Think Microsoft Excel, Apple’s Numbers, etc. You can even do this on paper if you want, and store it somewhere safe.
*There are two “sheets” in the shared spreadsheet — the first is a blank one, and the second is a sample with random numbers that I have included. I have added in pretend numbers to the sample sheet, so you can see how the numbers change over time.
*Sometimes people do not add in their vehicles or mortgages. I do, because you can see how much equity you have in the house or vehicle. But I mentally don’t include them the same weight as other assets, since they are not liquid and it’s not likely one would sell them for living expenses, in retirement or not.
Not for the first time do I point out that I am often ahead of the trend! I have known about “rucking” and weighted workouts since 2010 when I chatted for a bit during the Royal Parks Half Marathon with two British servicemen who were wearing weighted rucksacks and completing the half-marathon that way. Impressive!
I was able to find the photo I took of the British servicemen. (I did ask them for permission to take their photo!) Notice the London Eye in the background.
Two or so years ago, I purchased a 12-pound weighted vest at Aldi’s specials aisle, and have used it off and on for walks and hikes. This spring, I got a little more serious about it, and I now have a 20-pound and a 30-pound weighted vest. It increases my heart rate and effort level for any walk from not much to really challenging!
I also find that I can lift weights easier when I attend a weight lifting class, and that I walk faster when I’m not wearing one of the vests. They have been really worthwhile investments!
You can read this, or any other previous Mom Weeklies, by going to the website here. https://themomweekly.com/
Notes
I hope that you have filed your taxes by now, but if you have not, today’s the day! So get to it.
Also, we are in Holy Week. The Triduum and Easter are in a few days. Enjoy this sacred season. To be honest, I will be glad—not for the first time—that Lent is over. It’s not my favorite season, but I want to appreciate it better than I do—something to ponder! For now, I’ll get ready to celebrate the Easter season.
Remember how much I love you,
Mom
In Praise of People Who Share Their Scam Stories, Again
I recommend you take a few minutes to read this Wall Street Journal article (gift link):
It is so helpful to read these kinds of accounts. I’ve written about them previously here and here.
First of all, so we can be sympathetic to people who have been through this. Everyone is susceptible to these kinds of scams, and that’s why involving trusted others (such as family members) in our financial lives is so important.
Also, it does make me fear for what AI can do to perpetrate these scams, and how we can guard against it. I do not have any firm thoughts on how to do this, except to say that we should stay vigilant.
This book, published in 2019, so well ahead of both the pandemic and the AI trend, is by the scammer turned FBI agent who wrote the autobiographical Catch Me If You Can (the book is way better than the movie!), not only covers the seemingly endless variation of ways that fraudsters try to cheat money out of people. It also covers the psychological tricks that criminals use to get people to trust them, or feel a sense of urgency.
I first read this book early in 2020, before all the pandemic news, but one quote I wrote down from is especially helpful during this time:
“I believe we have to get back to forming strong communities where people know and look out for one another. A lot of fraud happens in isolation and online. If we look up from our electronic devices and limit our online time to specific tasks and goals, we will vie less prone to scammers online. We’ll also feel happier and less isolated.”
What I wrote many months ago still is true, so no need for me to write it in a different way. Here it is, from “Expect to be Scammed.”
So, what’s the moral of this story? And the title, “Expect to Be Scammed”? Should we be constantly vigilant and expecting to be cheated at every moment? Looking over our shoulder, living in fear, and constantly worried about becoming a victim?
No. But we can be extra cautious when it comes to our financial lives. We can also begin to be relatively transparent about our finances with several trusted people in our lives.
“Expect to be scammed” means being realistic about the existence of bad actors in the world, who come up with sophisticated and devious ways to prey upon people. “Expect to be scammed” means we should practice excellent online “hygiene” when it comes to our financial, and indeed, our online lives in general.
This may not seem like a “marriage article of the week” but it describes some of the the division of labor that goes on in a family, and how to make fun and good things happen for a family.
I thought this was a great paragraph that outlines why it’s good to “plan ahead” for group physical activity—so that inertia won’t take over:
I also see that all family members are free on Sunday afternoon from about mid-afternoon to evening. As the older children won’t actually have done much on Sunday, I feel like we could make a reasonable case for a family walk or bike ride during this time. The weather should be good. If everyone gets their heads around this beforehand, it will probably happen. If we wait until Sunday afternoon to try to decide to do something, inertia will take over and there will be a lot of screen time instead.
An Action Item: Plan Your Weekend
In the Laura Vanderkam school of thought, planning your weekend makes it more likely that you will do things you want, and not just what you need to do. You’ll be glad that you did!
Also, did you notice that I was ahead of time management guru Laura Vanderkam? (Not really, because I have read her for years and absorbed a lot of her ideas!). But still, remember that I had a section of The Mom Weekly for the first year and a half or so: “What Are You Doing This Weekend?”
Here are the questions again, and I will try to include these episodically, but not often enough so we get too used to them.
What are you doing this weekend?
So, now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing:
*faith—when are you going to Mass?
*friends—what friends will you see or connect with?
*food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit?
*fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally).
Also, I don’t think that my reflection below on “Surely God is With Us” quite explains my thoughts as well as I would like. However, the perfect is the enemy of the good, and I wanted to get it out before the end of Lent.
Remember how much I love you,
Mom
Headline: Surely God is With Us (A Rich Mullins Lent)
One is the demo tape (yes, an actual tape) Mullins made just a few days before he died in a vehicle accident in September 1997. The other is from singer Mark Robinson, which was part of The Jesus Album, made in the year after Mullins’ death, with both the demo versions of the song, and covers of the each song by various artists, such as Michael W. Smith. For “Surely God is With Us,” I prefer Rich’s version.
Well, who’s that man? Says He’s a prophet
Well, I wonder if He has got something up His sleeve
Where’s He from? Who is His daddy?
There’s rumors He even thinks Himself a King
Of a kingdom of paupers
Simpletons and rogues
The whores all seem to love Him
And the drunks propose a toast
And they say: “Surely God is with us
Surely God is with us”
They say: “Surely God is with us today”
Who’s that man? Says He’s a preacher
Well He must be, He’s disturbing all our peace
Where does He get off? What is He hiding?
Well, every word He says those fools believe
Who can move a mountain?
Who could love their enemy?
Who could rejoice in pain?
Turn the other cheek?
And still say: “Surely God is with us
Surely God is with us”
Who’ll say: “Surely God is with us today?”
Blessed are the poor in spirit
Heaven belongs to them
Blessed are those who make peace
They are God’s children
I Am the Bread of Life, I am the Way”
You hear that Man? Believe what He’s sayin’
Tell me who’s that Man? They made Him a prisoner
Tortured Him n’ nailed Him to a tree
Was He so bad? Who did He threaten?
Did He deserve to die between two thieves?
See the scars and touch His wounds
His risen flesh and bone
Now, sinners have become the saints
And the lost have all come home
And they say: “Surely God is with us. Surely God is with us”
They say: “Surely God is with us today, today”
This may seem like a digression, but bear with me:
Matt Talbot, a Dubliner who lived in the late 19th and early 20th century, was an alcoholic from a family of alcoholics. He was considered a “hopeless alcoholic” from the age of 13 years old, and struggled with it for many years, spending all of his earnings on alcohol, and even stealing from people to support his habit.
When he was 28, he became sober, back then called “taking the pledge.” He then spent the rest of his life penitentially, and especially practiced a sincere devotion to his Catholic faith, with daily Mass, prayers, and penances.
He died of heart failure on the way to Church on Trinity Sunday, June 7, 1925, when he collapsed on the street, alone.
When Dad & I were in Dublin, I think we must have walked to Granby Lane to see where he died, and there is a little plaque in the brick wall marking the place where he died, basically an alley.
the plaque on a wall in Granby LaneThis is another photo I took of a warehouse on Granby Lane in 2016; I found the signage very photogenic, but it also shows how it really was like an alleyway.
And I’ve always thought it seemed somehow fitting that he died that way, since he is a patron of those struggling with addiction. How many people with addiction end up dying alone, either on the side of the road or in some sort of equivalent.
Rich Mullins also died on the side of the road. It was actually along Interstate 39, not far from where we live. They both died alone, on the side of the road, forgotten. They didn’t choose their deaths, but they might not have minded, since they each had a solidarity with the lonely, forgotten, and hopeless.
And yet, surely, God was with them. Surely God is with them. And surely God is with us.
The manner of their deaths might be pointing people to the truth that God is with us, all of us. No one is alone. No one lives alone, and no one dies alone.
As you know, this video inspired someone in our family (!) to run his own “marathon in a day.” The subject of the video ran one mile each hour, and had a list of tasks he wanted to complete, and knocked them off in between.
(I confess, I am thinking of my own version of this, but not a marathon in a day. I don’t want to stay up for 24 hours. I would like to intersperse completing lots of tasks along with bursts of activity (like running or walking a mile) to reset your energy level and motivation.
Anyway, after watching it, I wondered what made this particular video so appealing, and I found this “making of” interview. Really interesting!
I mentioned back in January that you could start your taxes, and in February talked about the idea of extending your taxes.
Now is the time to finish your taxes, if you have not already done so. You know you will feel great when you have this completed, so knock it off in the next day or so!
Bonus for those who have already completed their taxes: check your Roth IRA. How much have you contributed yet this year?
If you are under 50, you can contribute up to $7,000 to your Roth IRA. If you want to be on track to max this out, you should have approximately $1,879. I bet you could try to get at least there (or a bit beyond).
