Author: Mom

The Mom Weekly Volume 16: November 14, 2023

As all of you know, this past weekend I attended a baby shower for one of the cousins. It was a lot of fun, a lot of activity, and also kind of tiring! But I am very glad I went, for the time with family, to celebrate the parents and extended family, and to enjoy a weekend away.

The baby shower was also a gender reveal, and guests were encouraged to wear pink or blue depending on their guess for baby’s gender. It turned out I was only of the only people to wear pink; I really liked my t-shirt and cardigan! Since I had on blue jeans, I suppose I could have said I was hedging my bets, but I truly thought the baby was a girl—just a hunch of course. I have no inside knowledge or special way to guess.

And it turns out I was wrong; the baby is a boy! That was also very exciting to learn. I said to several people, I’m not sad I’m wrong, because I am Team Baby.

I hope you all know that I am Team Baby, 100 percent and always. I was Team Baby when each of you were born; I was Team Baby whenever I hear about someone having a baby. I love getting to add moms and their babies to my prayer intentions. 

“Team Baby” is eloquently stated in the Catechism of the Catholic Church (paragraph 2378)

“A child is not something owed to one, but is a gift… A child may not be considered a piece of property, an idea to which an alleged “right to a child” would lead. In this area, only the child possesses genuine rights: … “the right to be respected as a person from the moment of his conception.”

Remember how much I love you,

Mom

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Interesting/Noteworthyt

How to Buy a Million Dollar Business with $0​

Do not let the title of this deter you from watching. Yes, it is all about how this Harvard MBA buys eggcartons.com. But it’s really an extremely well-done interview with Sarah Moore, who overcame a challenging upbringing to become the owner of a profitable business.

I strongly urge you to listen to (or watch) the entire episode, because it’s so fascinating from a business, financial, and psychological perspective, but it’s more important how she got there. She begins to tell her life story at about the 46:00 mark, if you don’t want to listen to the whole thing. She also talks about the value of hard work and the vital importance of people believing in you.

​WSJ: If You’re Going to Fall, This is the Right Way​

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​Interoception: The Hidden Sense That Shapes Wellbeing​

​Men Carry the Weight (of this Conversation)—Leah Libresco Sargent from Other Feminisms​

Related: I reviewed her first book back in 2015. She’s very thoughtful! 

​WSJ: How Chipotle’s Founder Is Moving Beyond Burritos​

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An action item: Consider freezing your credit

​Did you know that freezing your credit with the three credit bureaus used to cost money? But it no longer does, so it’s worth doing.

Here’s a good primer on how to freeze your credit, and why it’s a good idea to do so. 

The downside? You may forget, as I did once, that you have frozen your credit, and then run into trouble when you want to get a car loan or mortgage. So make a mental note that you have frozen your credit, and keep the login for the credit bureaus handy.

Here’s the story: Several years back, we were buying an auto with a less than one percent dealership loan. While we were at the dealership to pick up the vehicle, my credit was frozen so they couldn’t approve the loan at first. And my assurances that my credit score is always well above 800, and every so often hits a perfect 850, fell on deaf ears. (Sad emoji face).

I’m not sure why Dad’s was unfrozen, but that was fortunate since they ended up being able to approve it using only Dad’s (also) excellent credit. 

[I had frozen everyone’s credit back after I was a victim of identity theft (it was fairly small potatoes, and I caught it quickly, but it took months and hours to fix, and it made me vigilant about this.) ]

Anyway, I promise you, it’s much easier to freeze your credit than to fix a problem with your credit report. If I were you, I would do it.

What are you doing this weekend?

You know the drill–now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? Here are the four Fs to get you started:

• faith–when are you going to Mass?
• friends–what friends will you see or connect with?
• food–any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you might visit?
• fun–anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend?

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Now’s the time to think these through, and put them on the calendar.

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The Mom Weekly, Volume 15: November 7, 2023

​A Week Late and a Dollar Short

… to paraphrase the common saying. 

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I actually didn’t realize that I had missed posting The Mom Weekly until early (last) Tuesday morning when I was at Mass and thought, “Oh man, it’s after 6:15 a.m.” 

The car trouble woes that our family experienced on Monday just knocked it out for me, and getting the car fixed 90 miles away led to some long driving days. Anyway, that car is fixed now. Then I got a flat tire fixed on my car. Last week was the week of forced car maintenance, apparently.

I had intended to title last week’s newsletter “Happy Halloween” ironically because it is my least favorite holiday. But I do love the mini Halloween candy, and when I saw them on 50 percent off on November 1, I stocked up.

A few changes on the horizon

I “might” change the format of The Mom Weekly. Sometimes I want to talk more about a book, podcast, or link that I share, and this would allow me to do so. Then I can just have a few quick links for other things, instead of the current explanation for each item. I’ll start with that next week, I think.

I am definitely going to create a separate newsletter just for financial information and ideas. It would not be weekly, but occasional, and have both essays (Jane Austen on personal finance! Why you should expect to be scammed) and to-dos.

I will send out a version of that newsletter—yet to be named — to The Mom Weekly list, and you can decide if you want that one as well.

That’s all for this week!

Remember how much I love you,

Mom

Interesting watch: documentary “Below the Belt”

​“Below the Belt: The Last Health Taboo” is a PBS documentary about endometriosis and how misunderstood it is, how little it is treated, and how that should change. One of my biggest takeaways was that people–especially women– need to be advocates for their own health, and to persist even when not getting answers.

The documentary reminds me of a surgeon I follow on IG who does surgery for endometriosis and others surgeries for reproductive medicine. She’s pretty impressive and a good source of information.

(A kind-of digression: “Being an advocate for your health care” reminds me of this article I shared with Dad about why you should never use a metal grill brush. It’s from the “Medical Mysteries” section of The Washington Post (gift article link).

Interesting read: Sorry I’m Late, I Didn’t Want to Come by Jessica Pan.

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I found about this book from Christy Isinger, who I’ve known for years. She reads a ton, and we like some (but not all) of the same things. 

After reading about Jessica Pan on this post, I immediately requested Sorry I’m Late from the library. It is near perfect reading, especially for introverts. 

If you aren’t planning to read the book(but you should!) this article from Jess Pan’s Substack is a taste.

An Action Item: Check your employer’s retirement options

​This shouldn’t take more than few minutes, but take some time to log into your employee account for your employer’s retirement plan, and find out how much you are putting away for retirement.

If you do not have the login for the information, that will be your action item.That may take a little longer, but it is a good idea to have that login and make sure it has 2FA (two-factor authentication) complete that this week.

What are you doing this weekend?

The Mom Weekly schedules to post on Tuesdays. One of the reasons for this is to encourage you (and me, too!) to think about weekend plans. All too often, I have let that go until Friday, and then it’s hard to get people together, or make plans for coffee, or figure out when you go to Mass (other than the default, which is what we typically do).

So, now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing:

*faith—when are you going to Mass?

*friends—what friends will you see or connect with?

*food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit?

*fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally).

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The Mom Weekly Volume 14: October 24

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Birthdays are great!​
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This year is a relatively big birthday for me, and I want to say again how much I love birthdays. I really can’t think of a time that I didn’t like my birthday. But it’s probably only been since I turned 40 that I have been very intentional about how I want my birthday to look. 

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Before that, I think I was always hoping that people would read my mind and do what I wanted because they would just know I wanted to have a chocolate cake (maybe one made by me, as I’m so picky), go on a family hike, have a favorite meal for my birthday, go to Mass on Saturday night, etc., etc. 

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The year I turned 40, I really orchestrated a fantastic birthday—not just the day but a whole week of events. In ensuing years I think that I have slacked off a little on the planning front, so I’m going to try right now to schedule some time with friends before I write any more here. (And I did, but not as much as I would have liked).

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I also am immensely grateful for the gift of life. I’m so happy that my parents had me, and that I grew up in the lively family that I did with my siblings. I’m so ridiculously grateful for our own family, Mom, Dad, and you absolutely precious children. I’m grateful for how much more “me” I feel the older that I get. I think this is where I insert the “hashtag blessed.” 😉 So I think I will stop now.

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Remember how much I love you,

Mom

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Interesting watch/listen:​
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​You are So Not Invited to My Bat Mitzvah–Netflix

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This coming-of-age story definitely had some “impolite” and cringe-worthy moments (as is apparently a must for any Adam Sandler project through all time), but it is actually quite sweet and family and culture affirming. I loved it! I think you would, too.

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Interesting read: The Burden and the Gift​
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​Eve Tushnet interviews Erika Bachiochi about her book, The Rights of Women: Reclaiming a Lost Vision. This is such a thoughtful conversation, and makes me want to read the book. ​

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You may remember (the women in our family) that we first heard Erika speak at the FemCatholic conference in 2019, I think, and what I loved about hearing her speak, was how I felt smarter after hearing her. This interview focuses a lot on individual virtue development as a way to live fully.

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There are so many good quotes, but here is just one:

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True persuasion comes by attracting another to our way of living in, and of seeing the world, and so first, we must share with them a good common to us both. It may well be — indeed, this is often the case, in my experience — that the good common to both is something of what we’ve just mentioned: that we, human beings, by our very nature, seek to do the good (even if our full accounts of the good differ, for now) but are always and everywhere rent by human frailty. Living as fallible human beings who seek the good together is perhaps the first step to true persuasion. We are very, very far from that today. Seeking and offering forgiveness and reparation (which presumes, of course, some shared good we have failed to attain) is just part of the warp and woof of life, but something our politics — both left and right — has entirely forgotten.

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Related: this quote reminds me of the themes of a book I’m currently reading—Love Your Enemies by Arthur C. Brooks).
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Also related: I reviewed Eve Tushnet’s first book, Gay and Catholic (you can read that review–almost 10 years ago!–here). I also read her excellent follow-up to that, Tenderness, and I can’t remember why I didn’t review it. It’s a great read.

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An action item: go to confession

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Are you getting some sunshine every day? I really hope so. I’ve been trying to make an effort to do so, especially early in the day. 
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Because it’s my birthday, most of you will remember what I always ask: go to confession.

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My friend Susan used to joke with me about it, because admittedly it is a little odd tradition. She would say, “Hey, great, we’re going to confession for your birthday!” But I really love confession, especially after confession! (Kind of like a good workout).

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If you can’t get to confession, try to find a time in the next few weeks to do so. What you can do today—since all of you live within walking distance of a Catholic Church — is go make a visit to Jesus and say hi! He loves you way more than I do.
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Next week we are getting back to money action items. I am increasingly convinced setting up your financial life properly in your early years (and even later years!!!) is so vital, I’m going to be hitting it a lot in the coming weeks and months.

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What are you doing this weekend?

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You know the drill here. Now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? Are you going to go to confession & Mass for my birthday sometime this weekend? 

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Also, I really want you to have something fun and chocolate or other sweet treat for my birthday. You all inherited Grandpa Joe’s sweet tooth that I have, and birthdays are a great time to enjoy that trait!!!

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Also, try to plan something with a friend or friends this weekend. You know you will be glad if you do, even though organizing plans can be a pain, but it’s also great.

The Mom Weekly Volume 13: October 17, 2023

photo from: George Washington’s Mount Vernon

Something kind of hilarious but also kind of sweet happened when we were at the wedding in Baltimore last weekend. 

Friday night, there was an evening gathering for out of town guests at a bar, and Dad & I decided to walk along the water and get dinner somewhere near the venue. It turned out the best place for a quick meal was the bar. 

We thought about eating inside, but it was way too loud, and so we grabbed a table outside and ordered sandwiches at a window overlooking the bar section to the outside. We could see into the bar, and people could see out to us at the tables. 

Dad & I chatted while we were eating in the hour or so before the gathering started. It was a nice meal and conversation. At one point, we were joking about making a list of things that we would have as “dos” or “don’ts” when you kids get married. 

(The next morning, on a walk with my brother and sister-in-law, I was mentioning some of the items. They were super sweet about it, having been through recent weddings of two of their kids, and didn’t tell me what fool’s errands my “ideas” were. I eventually had an “aha” moment and said, “I must sound like to you that young childless person who says, ‘When I have toddlers, here’s how I’m going to parent them so that they never …’ We all laughed so that they could laugh with me, not at me. But I digress).

After we ate, we headed inside for the reception. We thought it was going to be in a private room, but it turns out it was in the bar itself. While it was too loud (adding “relatively quiet rooms for gatherings” to wedding list, just for kicks), it was still a great gathering and such a fun way to see the couple, lots of family, and meet a bunch of family friends. 

At one point, I walked up to the bar to get a Diet Coke. While I was waiting, a woman (much younger than me but older than you kids) sitting at a barstool next to me stopped me. 

She said, “I hope you don’t think this is creepy, but my friend and I were just watching you and your husband eating dinner out of the window, and we just thought you were so cute and loving to each other. You were like George and Martha Washington!”

That was probably the most interesting “compliment” Dad & I have ever received. I think she must have been thinking about our gray/white hair; I hope not our clothes, which I maintain were pretty solidly in the 21st century. 

She and her friend (another woman, a little younger than her) elaborated on it, and said how they were speculating about what we were talking about. “I said that you were probably talking about all the books that you are reading and what you think about them.” They were pretty accurate about the things we typically talk about! 

I did thank them, told them they made my evening, and how sweet it was for the two of them to say something. I also said, “Well, I’m glad we weren’t arguing about something! But arguing is okay, too!” 

I’m glad that the women discovered us having a friendly conversation, but I also want to normalize that it’s okay to argue, even in public. (Respectfully, of course). 

While Dad & I do get along most (some? haha) of the time, we can have a heated discussion sometimes. I would “argue” (pun intended) that even when we do, we could do so in public, because we still treat each other respectfully, just like George & Martha Washington. 

Remember how much I love you, 

Mom (aka Martha) 

Interesting watch/listen:

I have been doing a lot of reading, listening, and watching to news on Israel. I still have a lot of learning to do, to put it mildly. 

This interview with former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice is incisive and informative. She was national security advisor on 9/11, so she offered some insider perspective on security efforts after that terrorism attack and how it might inform response to this crisis. Also, she did explain more of the concept of Israel, and the idea of a two-state solution, but I still have so much learning to do. 

It’s a read, not a listen, but this Thomas Friedman op-ed is also helpful. Best quote: 

“Welcome to the Middle East. This is not like a border dispute between Norway and Sweden or a heated debate in Harvard Yard. Lord, how I wish that it were, but it’s not.”

Interesting read:

Now that I am recovered from COVID and interested in food again, I had a hankering for hot fudge sauce. I tried this classic one from the New York Times. 

Review: It’s not that great. I need to find a better easy recipe for a hot fudge sauce. Any suggestions? 

An action item:

Here’s an easy action item, and one I want you to consider incorporating into your life as a regular thing, like brushing your teeth: 

Get some sunshine every day, ideally in the morning!

Benefits: 

*improved mood and attention 

*excellent way to get Vitamin D 

*improve sleep 

*improves your immune system. 

I remember Grandpa Joe actually talking to me about this years ago, and explaining how even 10 minutes outside with your hands and forearms exposed, could be enough to give you the Vitamin D benefits. And it has so many other benefits. 

If you’re interested in finding out more, this article from the National Institute of Medicine outlining the history of sunshine “therapies” and why sunshine is so good for humans. 

This isn’t the first time you’re hearing it from me, but consider at least doing this on half or more of the days in the coming week. And let me know how it goes… 

What are you doing this weekend?

Now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing: 

*faith—when are you going to Mass? 

*friends—what friends will you see or connect with? 

*food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit? 

*fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally).

The Mom Weekly, Volume 12: October 10, 2023

I find myself without words as I read the news regarding the terrorist attacks on Israel,which is horrifying. I also am embarrassed at how much I do not know about conflicts in the Middle East. All I keep do is praying and thinking, “Pray for the peace of Jerusalem, pray for the peace of Jerusalem.” 

So simply, let me share Psalm 122, which is where the saying, “pray for the peace of Jerusalem” originates: 

Interesting read: Israel at War

I am not sure what news will have happened before this posts, but it is worthwhile considering this attack through a lens of normal people, not combatants, who are experiencing the terrorism. 

This explainer on the conflict helps to lay out a lot that I didn’t understand. 

Thomas Friedman of the NYTimes also asserts how Hamas has been a “deadly curse” for the Palestinian people since it took over Gaza in 2007. 

I wish I were more knowledgeable about the situation. How did I not know, for instance, that Israel left and closed down all of its settlements in Gaza many years ago? I have a lot of reading and learning to do. 

I read Bari Weiss’ book How to Fight Anti-Semitism when it first came out. It was very eye-opening for me, and helped me understand how pernicious and how evil antisemitism is, from the far right, the far left, and radical Islam. She also covers some of the ways to fight it, and one of those is to be sure to educate ourselves. But I am still so uneducated about this—it’s time for a re-read of this book, and finding others to read. 

Interesting watch: Taskmaster— “Find Out the Gentleman’s Occupation”

G had her birthday last week, and had us watch some clips from this very funny British show called “Taskmaster.” I had never heard of it, but it’s really worthwhile. This is probably the funniest clip that we watched. 

An action item: Spend some time praying for the peace of Jerusalem

This is self-explanatory. If you want, you can just pray (read aloud or to yourself) Psalm 122 above. 

What are you doing this weekend?

You know the drill here. Now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing: 

*faith—when are you going to Mass? 

*friends—what friends will you see or connect with? 

*food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit? 

*fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally)

The Mom Weekly, Volume 11: October 3, 2023

“That person has invincible ignorance.”

This was my statement recently after a highly challenging conversation with a younger person (not a relative) that I know well. I don’t want to go into too many specifics, because it’s not my story to tell. 

But suffice to say: any suggestion, idea, or thoughtful “what do you think about…“ was met with various non-answers that showed the person was not open to consider other options for improving the situation. It’s not the first time I’ve had such a conversation with this person, and surely won’t be the last, but it’s maddening. 

This isn’t just a rant against this poor person, but it got me thinking about what I consider “invincible ignorance,” and how we are all prone to it in certain areas. And we should want as much as possible to get rid of it, not just to stop annoying me, but because it hurts ourselves. 

Invincible ignorance is actually a theological term for someone who is not culpable for their actions or beliefs because they have no way of knowing the truth. We’d have to get the theologian in the family to chime in on what it actually means as far as a person’s actions, but if you’re interested in some of the concept, this article is less esoteric than most of what I found out there. A quote from it: 

“In short, it means that we’ll be judged based on what we knew (or should have known), not for what we didn’t have the power to know.”

I was trying to find or make a graphic to represent “invincible ignorance” and this was about the closest I could get. 

My definition of Invincible Ignorance

When I say “invincible ignorance,” I mean things that people refuse to change their minds about, no matter how much they learn or are presented with evidence to the contrary. That is what I find maddening. 

Here’s a good example: Let’s just say you had someone who grew up in an earlier time, when “fat” was bad, and Snackwells were considered health food. 

Let’s say this person, who shall remain nameless but who “might” resembls Dad, still reads the nutrition labels on food items, and rejects ones that have what he considers to be “too much saturated fat” or “too much fat.” 

Fortunately, this person still eats a lot of whole foods that do not have nutrition labels, so isn’t harmed too much by the false belief that avoiding at all costs saturated fat should be a top goal for humans. 

But people around him might be harmed by raising their voices to say, “Fat isn’t the enemy!” every single time. But I digress. (wink). 

Anyway, to me, that invincible ignorance doesn’t serve us well. How can we avoid it? 

My number one idea is that we should be open and willing to change our minds. 

This is crystallized in an episode of easily the best podcast series of this year: “The Witch Trials of JK Rowling.”  

I have a plan at some point to do a commentary/summary on the series, perhaps here, because I found it a vital and thoughtful listen. The final episode is titled, “What If You’re Wrong?” It’s a conversation between JK Rowling and host Megan Phelps-Roper about discernment and holding space for the possibility you could change your mind. 

This is especially important and relevant for Phelps-Roper based on her background, which she elaborates on in this essay. (It’s so worth a read, as is her book 

We all have these blind spots or ways of thinking that are not helpful to us, or those around us. They might be small, or big, but even being aware of the possibility is the first step in being more self-aware. Maybe it means you change your mind; maybe it means you get to the point where you don’t see saturated fat as the enemy. But most of all, it can help you be happier and wiser. 

I know I have these blind spots, too, and feel free to tell me (nicely) about them. I want to be open to change. 

Remember how much I love you, 

Mom 

Interesting Watch: Live to 100

Dad & I watched this 40-part docuseries on Netflix called “Live to 100: Secrets of the Blue Zones”

It was well-produced and beautifully filmed. 

My one quibble? In many scenes, it shows the host, Dan Buettner, riding his bike through these gorgeous areas—Okinawa, Japan, steep hills in Sardinia, etc. AND HE’S NEVER WEARING A HELMET. 

I kept yelling at the TV, annoying Dad to to no end, but honestly? We’re trying to promote healthful living, and we are not.wearing.a.helmet? 

An action item: Time to Update Your Net Worth

I’ve gone back and forth about this, but I want you to consider doing this. I typically update our Net Worth Calculator quarterly, and September 30 was the end of Q3—Quarter 3, in the calendar year. 

This may take slightly longer this first time, if you have not done so. But I promise you, over time, you will be happy that you do this. 

The reason I hesitated is that it could be pretty likely you have a negative net worth, largely because of student loans. But that’s will be so temporary (over the long haul!) that you should not be discouraged by it. 

When people begin to track their net worth, they call it “getting back to zero” when they have a zero net worth. That may not seem promising, but it’s a great accomplishment for those who have paid off a significant amount of debt, whether student loan debt, credit card debt, or other types of debt. And it can be very encouraging to see an improvement in your net worth over time. 

Here is a super-simple net worth spreadsheet I put together. I didn’t get a chance to format with cool colors and such, but it works. 

A couple of notes:

*Unfortunately, Google Sheets does not allow password-protecting of items. I prefer to keep this information, and most of my spreadsheets, in a format I can password protect. Think Microsoft Excel, Apple’s Numbers, etc. You can even do this on paper if you want, and store it somewhere safe. 

*There are two “sheets” in the spreadsheet I’ve shared—the first is a blank one, and the second is a sample with random numbers that I have included. 

*Sometimes people do not add in their vehicles or mortgages, but I prefer to, because you can see how much equity you have in the house or vehicle. But I mentally don’t include them the same weight as other assets, since they are not liquid and it’s not likely one would sell them for living expenses, whether in retirement or out. 

What are you doing this weekend?

You know the drill here. Now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing: 

*faith—when are you going to Mass? 

*friends—what friends will you see or connect with? 

*food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit? 

*fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally).