Author: Mom

The Mom Weekly Volume 52: August 6, 2024

On July 25, 2023, The Mom Weekly began.

Thank you for reading along for an entire year! 

I am interested and proud that my goals have stayed ths same from Volume 1, as has my sense of urgency to share ideas and concepts. And I don’t have any plans to stop, so you’re stuck with me. 🙂

What has delighted me is when family members and the occasional friend will send me a quick text or email to say how much they enjoyed that week’s offering. I even like it someone disagrees with something I have written. Apparently, I love dialogue! Who knew? LOL.

And I especially love questions and suggestions. More than a few times, a question from someone has led to a weekly reflection. That process helps to organize my thoughts (and even change them). By writing about something, I understand it better.

For no discernable reason (I didn’t even remember why at the time!), I missed one week late last fall, so the anniversary each year for me will be around the beginning of August. Even more oddly funny: as I looked through to see which week I missed, I noticed that not once, but twice, I numbered a weekly the same one as the week before (Volume 34 and Volume 48, in case you’re wondering, which I’m sure you are not). 

So this weekly should perhaps be numbered 53, or 54? Who knows? I am not going back to change all of that (everyone makes mistakes, after all). We will just go forward and I will try to celebrate around the first week of August.

What am I going to do to celebrate? Probably bake something chocolate. I hope you will celebrate too, and remember that you can always respond to a weekly by replying to the emails, or texting, me or reaching out in any other way. I love hearing from you.

And, as always: remember how much I love you,

Mom

Interesting/Notable: 

Fertility Awareness — good article!

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Roz Chast (@rozchast)

Roz Chast on a great term from the Great British Baking Show.

An Action Item: (Continue to Educate Yourself About Scam Stories)

It is well worth reading this entire article about yet another person scammed out of almost their whole life savings.

How One Man Lost $740,000 to Scammers Targeting His Retirement Savings (gift article)

A couple of takeaways: 

*scammers isolate people from their loved ones and create a sense of urgency

*anyone can get scammed (this person is a retired lawyer)

*family and friends are good for helping us keep out of harm’s way, but can also be a good source of solace when we have been through something. Keeping silent about it is understandable, but sharing these kinds of stories.

*I think it’s really important to be open with family members or trusted people in our lives. Remember when the personal finance writer who was scammed out of $50,000 in one day? Here’s what one of the criminals who supposedly worked the IRS, told her: 

Calvin told me to listen carefully. “The first thing you must do is not tell anyone what is going on. Everyone around you is a suspect.”

Anyway, this is just my regular reminder to be aware of things around you, and remember that we are better for living in community, and we should act like it!

I hate to even share this other link, because it is so depressing.

The Slave Sending You Scam Texts

This is a podcast episode from the Wall Street Journal about the criminal enterprises in Southeast Asia who are trafficking people into slavery to scam others. And I alwys said that there is a special place in purgatory (or hell, let’s just say it, hell) for people who defraud others. And the criminals who trick individuals into slavery in order to scam people of their money? Well, a different, and much worse, place in purgatory/hell, for them.

What are you doing this weekend?

So, now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing:

*faith—when are you going to Mass?

*friends—what friends will you see or connect with?

*food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit?

*fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally).

The Mom Weekly Volume 51: July 30, 2024

Notes

Not that anyone is wondering about my process of creating The Mom Weekly, but here we go anyway:

I have a TMW document, and whenever I have a concept to share, or an idea that pops up to me that might make a good headline and good discussion topic, I start it as a section. This has its own headline, and either right then, or in a future writing block, I will spend some time developingit. Just a few of the many, that may or may not make it into a future weekly:

Trinity Bars

Saint Francis de Sales always cracks me up

Gaslight/Red Light

The Household Book

My many and sundry readers are surely on the edge of their proverbial seats just waiting for these, haha. (Hand on heart, the Saint Francis de Sales one is hilarious, but right now only to me. I need to work on it to make you understand how funny it is!!!)

There is also a group of “From the Vault” posts “mostly” ready to go.

Some time ago I wrote about this Simon & Garfunkel song. And the other day, when the song played somewhere (a store? the radio? no memory), I thought: Time to finish this one!

I am a Rock

Recently, a high school memory popped up, unbidden but fully formed.

One of my high school religion teachers was trying to explain how self-sufficiency is a dangerous myth.

(Bless their hearts, the religion teachers during my high school days really tried, but it was quite the Wild West of “anything goes” in religion class during that time period. I learned little about the Catholic faith, and there were some really weird vibes from time to time. But I think most of them [not all! but we won’t cover that today] were making an effort to do good. )

In one class, this teacher played the Simon & Garfunkel song, I am a Rock.

The teacher told us that when he was a teen and first heard the song, he took it literally. He thought that he was supposed to be a rock, and not feel any pain, and not rely on anyone else, ever. But, as he told us, he was wrong, and as he matured, he learned to connect with other people.

So whenever I hear I am a Rock I think about how what it really means. 

Here are the lyrics:

A winter’s day

In a deep and dark December

I am alone

Gazing from my window to the streets below

On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow

I am a rock I am an island

I’ve built walls

A fortress deep and mighty

That none may penetrate

I have no need of friendship, friendship causes pain

It’s laughter and it’s loving I disdain

I am a rock I am an island

Don’t talk of love

Well I’ve heard the word before

It’s sleeping in my memory

I won’t disturb the slumber of feelings that have died

If I never loved I never would have cried

I am a rock I am an island

I have my books

And my poetry to protect me

I am shielded in my armor

Hiding in my room safe within my womb

I touch no one and no one touches me

I am a rock I am an island

And a rock feels no pain

And an island never cries

Related to this, I read a surprisingly vulnerable newsletter from entrepreneur Pat Flynn.

In this, Flynn tells a story about a request when he was seven years old going wrong, and how it affected the way he lived in the world for a lot of his young life:

I began to feel that it wasn’t worth the risk of disappointment to ask for things anymore. This is why I grew up very independent and likely to just figure things out on my own.

I also felt like I was a potential burden to others, not wanting to make people feel bad if they didn’t have the time or didn’t know how to help.

As I write this out, it actually explains a lot about how I grew up and why, when I became an entrepreneur in 2008, I was so conditioned to believe that asking for help was bad that I refused to do it.

But here’s the twist: as entrepreneurs, the ability to ask for help is not just beneficial — it’s essential. The belief that we must do everything on our own can be our biggest obstacle. We fear being seen as weak or incompetent, but in reality, asking for help shows strength and wisdom.

Over the years, I discovered something surprising and wonderful: people actually want to help. When you allow them to lend a hand, they often feel great about it too. It creates a sense of connection and mutual support that benefits everyone involved.

If you read Flynn’s story, you may resonate with his childhood experience. I think most of us—myself included!!!—can remember as a kid asking for something, and it going wrong some way, and feeling helpless about it and resolving to not ask for help in the future. 

Those feelings may not last–and they are much less common the older you get— but I can understand where they come from. I am a rock. I am an island. And a rock feels no pain. And an island never cries.

Knowing that this is a common impulse and emotion, how can we guard against it?

Here a few ideas I am telling myself:

• having regular intentional connection with others

• being vulnerable with trusted family members and friends, sharing my struggles 

• asking for help—people really want to help! I want to write an entire newsletter about this very thing! (note to self: title—“People Want to Help”)

• seeking help as needed (look at all those people taking care of themselves!) 

I am a rock. I am an island.

In my memory, the teacher in no way tied his reflection on I Am a Rock to our Catholic faith. But the message really is compatible with the sense of communty and family life being more important than “going it alone” or radical individualism. 

Here’s a relevant paragraph I found in the Catechism of the Catholic Church:

CCC 2250 “The well-being of the individual person and of both human and Christian society is closely bound up with the healthy state of conjugal and family life” (GS 47 § 1).

The Catechism was created years after my high school class, but this paragraph is actually a quote from Gaudium et Spes (“Joy and Hope”), one of the four documents of the Second Vatican Council from the 1960s. None of these concepts are new, in life or in our faith. 

What is the biggest take-away from this?

We are not meant to go it alone. We are not all “rocks” but something much more organic and interconnected. As Jesus says in Scripture:

“I am the vine, you are the branches. Those who abide in me and I in them bear much fruit.” (John 15:5)

Remember how much I love you,

Mom

Interesting/Notable:

Olive Garden bread

Someone shared this earlier this summer, and I wondered if it was as good as remembered. It is!!!!

 It’s a minute or more, but 100 percent worth the watch.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Jackie Hill Perry (@jackiehillperry)

An Action Item: Make Plans to See a Friend in the Next Week

Many times these “action items” exist because either I have just done something, or I want to be reminded about doing something. This one is a perennial issue for me—wanting to see friends, but overcoming the inertia of making the plans is hard to overcome! It’s not as if it’s a harrowing experience to text or call someone and say, “let’s get together!” But all too often, I find myself putting it off.

This week, I do have plans to meet a friend for Mass and to check out a rural store she’s visited I’ve never been to. When I see this, it will be my reminder to make plans to see someone next week. I encourage you to do the same!

What are you doing this weekend?

So, now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing:

*faith—when are you going to Mass?

*friends—what friends will you see or connect with?

*food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit?

*fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally).

The Mom Weekly Volume 50: July 23, 2024

This past weekend, several of us watched the “cult classic” Napoleon Dynamite. (It’s available on Disney +). If you, like me, are not familiar with the “plot” (see me put my hands up for air quotes, since there is not much plot), you’ve certainly seen the photos and Halloween costumes and “Vote for Pedro” t-shirts.

That was quite the experience!

The reason it was on my list is that I read this lengthy, but charming, article and oral history about the making of the movie, 20 years ago:

The awkward, inspiring, completely out-there inside story of ‘Napoleon Dynamite’—Washington Post (gift article)

The movie is unbelievably odd and weird, with touching moments. But if you had to choose either watching the movie or reading the article, pick the article. I’m kinda glad I did both.

But it brought up an interesting question—what ostensibly makes a cult classic? Is that even “a thing” any longer, when entertainment is so varied and fragmented? When people often consume content individually and rarely have a communal experience of a movie or show?

Our family has certainly had our own “cult classics”—movies that we like to watch repeatedly, or seasonally, such as Groundhog Day, or The Muppet Christmas Carol, or the 1995 Pride & Prejudice. I wish we had more of those traditions—for instance, I’ve known people who have Lord of the Rings movie marathons every Thanksgiving or Christmas. And it would be fun to have a regular rewatching of the Narnia movies.

Anyway, what would you put in the category of a “cult classic”? There are innumerable lists online of the “50 best” or “100 greatest” but I don’t find those particularly helpful. I would be very interested to know the movies or shows you would put on the “cult classic” list, whether you’ve seen the movie or show or not.

Remember how much I love you,

Mom

Interesting/notable and An Action Item: Check Beneficiaries on all of your accounts

Your Parents are Getting Old, Here’s What to Do–Shaan Puri

I thought this was lovely, and a great perspective on what parents might want from their kids.

I wrote a couple of weeks ago about overcoming inertia when it comes to money. Here are a few examples to help you see the importance of having a schedule for checking your accounts.

This is a gift link of a recent WSJ article about a former partner of a man who died recently, and had never changed his beneficiary on his company’s retirement account. 

I find it fascinating, and spent way too much time in the comments, about what is the “moral” thing for the beneficiary to do—give back the money since she was such a long-ago person in their life, or not?

This episode of the Choose FI podcast shows a similar dilemma. The woman interviewed was recently married to her husband, and when he died in a freak accident, she inherited all of his retirement accounts. Unfortunately, state laws did not ensure the assets only in his name, and his divorced parents fought her for those accounts. 

So your action item is: Check beneficiaries on all of your accounts (especially retirement accounts).

It’s a good practice to periodically (say, once a year) double check that the beneficiaries on all of your accounts are up-to-date. Take 5-10 minutes to do that this week!

What are you doing this weekend?

Now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing:

*faith—when are you going to Mass?

*friends—what friends will you see or connect with?

*food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit?

*fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally).

The Mom Weekly Volume 49: July 16, 2024

I started this post back on June 22, which was/is the feast of Saint John Fisher and Saint Thomas More. I love this feast because Saint Thomas More is the patron saint of lawyers, a favorite in our family, due to all the lawyers! 🙂

With news of recent days, this is even more appropriate than it was several weeks ago.

Most people can agree that there is an awful lot of rancor and even a disbelief that anyone can hold a political, religious, or other view different from one’s own. So reading about “A Prayer for Our Enemies,” written centuries ago, is tailor-made for 2024.

You kids all know how much I love and admire Universalis for prayer, specifically the app. It has the Mass Readings, Morning, Evening, and Night Prayer, the Office of Readings, a Lectio Divina section, and more. Each day has an “About Today” tab, with a little background for the saint(s) of the day, often obscure ones from the United Kingdom as Universalis creator Martin Kochanski lives there.

We have subscribed to Universalis since even before our earliest iPhones. Dad & I both had Palm Pilots back in the day (!), and we had Universalis on them. Talk about early adopters! 😉

The Universalis website looks a little 1990s, which is when it was created, but I assure you, the app is very user friendly and up-to-date. It has everything you need and nothing you don’t.

So, back to June 22, the feast of Saint John Fisher and Saint Thomas More. The “About Today” has a portrait of each of them, and a biographical sketch. And reprinted beneath those was St. Thomas More’s “Prayer for Our Enemies.” It has been such an impact on me that my photos app has mutliple screenshots of this prayer, almost every year in recent years. 

But if there were ever a prayer for July 2024, or all of 2024 for that matter, this is it. I’d like to make an effort to pray it every day. I encourage you to do the same.

Remember how much I love you,

Mom

A Prayer for Our Enemies

Almighty God, have mercy on N. and N., and on all that bear me evil will, and would me harm. Their faults and mine together, by such easy, tender, merciful means as thine infinite wisdom best can devise, vouchsafe to amend and redress; and make us saved souls in Heaven togther, where we may ever live and love together with thee and thy blesssed saints, O glorious Trinity, for the bitter passion of our sweet Saviour Christ. Amen.

Lord, give me patience in tribuation and grace in everything to conform my will to thin, that I may truly say, “Fiat voluntas tua, sicut in caelo et in terra.”

The things, good Lord, that I pray for, give me thy grace to labour for. Amen.

(The Latin phrase, referencing the Lord’s Prayer, is: “May God’s will be done on earth as it is in heaven.”)

Interesting/notable:

https://juliewitmergardens.substack.com/p/jrr-tolkiens-oxford-garden

A tour of the Tolkein home garden in Oxford

Disappointed Tourist Website

An art installation of things that are no longer there. This reminded me of the Cast Courts at the Victoria & Albert Museum in London.

An action item: Write and send a physical letter/postcard

As everyone knows, my love language has become sending birthday cards! But I also make an effort occasionally to send physical mail to people, unconnected to any event. It brings me back to the days of getting and sending letters from my parents, my siblings, and other friends when I was in college.

I’m not sure why this is, but it gives me such a boost of optimism whenever I send out mail. And so I’m going to offer this as an action item for you, in the hopes it will give you a boost as well!

It doesn’t take more than a few minutes to write a quick note, and I promise you will be glad that you do. You may want to have things ready to go, such as writing paper and stamps. If you don’t already, your “action item” could be to gather those thing, and put them on a tray or in a small box. That way, when you get the idea to do so, it’s relatively easy to send a letter. 

What are you doing this weekend?

So, now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing:

*faith—when are you going to Mass?

*friends—what friends will you see or connect with?

*food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit?

*fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally).

The Mom Weekly Volume 48: July 2, 2024

A couple of months ago, when I actually could go hiking (sniff!), I was on a group hike with a collection of friends who are all women “of a certain age.”

Someone brought up how we want to be pleasant people to be around, even once we are older (than we are now—we are not young, and okay with that!), and perhaps troubled by various physical or other problems. 

I dubbed it “Old Lady Goals” which is actually pretty genius, if you ask me.

Here are a few we came up with:

• *be kind and friendly 

• *try not to ascribe the worst motives to people’s actions

• *avoid being cranky for no reason

• *get together with people regularly

• *maintain a good/active prayer life

• *always be reading

• *be good at getting rid of things

There were definitely more, but these are the only ones I captured on my phone’s Notes app, and I can’t remember the others. But it’s an interesting thought experiment.

What do you think of this list? What would you add?

As an update on this: the last month and more, I have been relying on others for driving and grocery shopping and so many other things. I find being agreeable and low-maintenance is also an important skill, older or not. I’m not sure if everyone would agree I’ve been low-maintenance, but I have been trying!

Remember how much I love you,

Mom

Interesting/notable

Why weightlifting is so important as we age–The Washington Post

Super important, and a reminder to me to make this a part of my recovery.

What Does Retirement Really Mean?–NY Times

I love this article so, so much! Such a range of things that people do when they are close to or in retirement.

Slightly related: Several months ago, when Dad & I were speaking with a CFP with Dad’s 401(k) from work, and trying to get the right amount of taxes taken out of distributions, he asked us a lot of questions about our goals, etc. I explained our thinking about distributions and taxes. At one point, he stopped the conversation to tell Dad, “Well, your wife knows a whole lot, and you are in very good hands.” That gave me a boost of confidence about my self-education in the last decade or so, and made Dad more comfortable with our planning.

Coincidentally, about the same time, I found out about this designation—

Retirement Income Certified Professional 

I’m thinking about doing the coursework for this, not necessarily to work in this field, because to use the designation, one has to have three years’ financial planning experience. Instead, This could be helpful to use in our own financial planning, since we are in that stage of life!

An action item: Enjoy the Beach and Cousin Time

Self-explanatory!

What are you doing this weekend?

So, now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing:

*faith—when are you going to Mass?

*friends—what friends will you see or connect with?

*food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit?

*fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally).