Author: Mom

  • “Offering it Up” vs. Honest Conversations

    “Offering it Up” vs. Honest Conversations

    The Mom Weekly Volume 58: September 17, 2024

    You can read this, or any other previous Mom Weeklies, by going to the website here.

    “For a long time my place at meditation was near a Sister who fidgeted continually, either with her Rosary, or something else; possibly, as I am very quick of hearing, I alone heard her, but I cannot tell you how much it tried me. I should have liked to turn round, and by looking at the offender, make her stop the noise; but in my heart I knew that I ought to bear it tranquilly, both for the love of God and to avoid giving pain. So I kept quiet, but the effort cost me so much that sometimes I was bathed in perspiration, and my meditation consisted merely in suffering with patience. After a time I tried to endure it in peace and joy, at least deep down in my soul, and I strove to take actual pleasure in the disagreeable little noise.”

    St. Therese, Story of a Soul

    I immediately thought of this vignette from St. Therese’s Story of a Soul for reasons I will explain in a minute, but let’s start by getting a few things clear:

    • 1. you don’t have to connect with every saint’s “brand” of holiness. That’s why there are so many different kinds of saints, and (truly) thank God for that! Sometimes I read about a saint and think “not me” and other times (like when I read in St. Gianna Molla’s letters how she honestly shared disagreements with her husband and in-laws, for instance) I think “okay, maybe it’s not hopeless for me.”
    • 2. the appeal of St. Therese’s spirituality was her “Little Way.” Instead of heroic deeds or glorious martyrdoms, we can be holy in the tiniest of ways. It might be putting up patiently with someone’s foibles (like a Mom who is always trying to get you to eat more protein, haha). Or it is in giving up small things, for a short time, like sugar in your tea, or candy for a day, or for Lent, or color on your phone for an hour or two. But what you “offer up” is up to you. It also doesn’t mean putting up with something that makes you irritable indefinitely with those closest to you.
    For the graphic, I had to include photos from our 2019 trip to Lisieux. There is a “blue line” along sidewalks and roads throughout the town connecting different St. Therese sites. In theory, it sounds wonderful, but in reality, the line kept disappearing and getting us lost.

    So now let’s get to why I remembered this vignette:

    I read this article from The Pillar about a seminary having “process groups.”

    The entire (long) article is so worth reading, but basically: St. Paul Seminary in Minnesota believes in fostering “human flourishing” in the seminarians, and wants to give them the tools to attend to their mental health, friendships, and life balance.

    A way St. Paul’s is doing is this is through “process groups” — a group of eight or so seminarians, plus a facilitator (usually a psychologist) — to help the men discuss issues in a productive way.

    One issue a process group worked through was, essentially, the St. Therese story all over again, but with a different outcome. I’m going to include this rather long excerpt because I think it’s the easiest way to start. A seminarian, Paul Renier, is recounting this:

    One day during the process group, when Ruff asked if anyone had anything to share, a seminarian raised his hand, and said, “Paul, I just can’t stand Andy clearing his throat in the chapel every single morning. It really gets to me, it’s so agitating.”


    “As funny as that sounded to perhaps hear or talk about, it was actually really hard for me to receive,” Renier acknowledged. “I just felt so misunderstood and very angry actually.”


    “I’m just in this internal monologue, I was saying to myself, he didn’t even bother to ask me why I do that or is there a reason I do that…he asked that so pointedly.”


    Ruff asked the seminarian to address Renier directly, and to give him a chance to receive the criticism, and to respond.


    “I got a chance to explain what happened and why I do that, and I’ve actually left the chapel, I told them, a few times, to go clear my throat in a quiet room away from everybody praying, so I won’t be as much of a distraction,” Renier said.


    The discussion did not fix the problem – Renier still experienced a need to clear his throat in the mornings, and hearing him do so was still something the other seminarian found irritating.


    But what changed was their ability to share – and receive – this experience from another person.


    “It’s not like we figured out a solution and now everything is fine,” he said. “It’s just the way that you’re communicating, and…seeing each other, understanding each other.”


    “It was just this encounter of conflict, really, that I didn’t know this about myself, that it was bothering other people, and I came to know that. But also, there was understanding on his part, so we actually grew closer together, him and I.”

    So reading this excerpt, you may think, “Well, who’s right? St. Therese — a Doctor of the Church—or leaders in a seminary in Minnesota?”

    But this is a false choice. Both can be be right.

    Sometimes we have to put up with an irritation, either temporarily or indefinitely. Not everything can’t be “talked through.” Situations we might mourn or deplore may not be “fixable” and must be endured. If they can be endured well, and (yes, I’m going to use that oft-maligned expression), offering it up, they can actually be spiritually fruitful.

    But it is okay, and even commendable, to work on situations that may be fixable. It is laudable to talk through some issues that could have resolution are worth talking through and hashing out. And it can bring people closer together!

    I’m not saying that St. Therese and her fellow Carmelites should have had process groups, but maybe I am?

    If they had, and worked through that issue, the unnamed noisy sister and St. Therese could have become closer spiritually and emotionally. And if not, St. Therese could have continued to offer up the irritation as her “little way,” as we all can do with the minor irritations in our lives.

    Also, somewhat related: we don’t have to take scientific or psychological or parenting or any other advice from saints from the recent or distant past. We study St. Thomas Aquinas in philosophy, and read St. Francis de Sales for spiritual edification, not for scientific knowledge, because both got some things wrong in science, because of the times they lived in. It’s the same for St. Therese.

    I still love St. Therese, she who is Doctor of the Church, Little Flower; and I love her Little Way. And I also love people in the Church who are working to promote human flourishing through the knowledge and tools we now have.

    If this hasn’t convinced you yet, please, I implore you, read the entire article, because it is truly wonderful. And wouldn’t it be great if kids going to college had this kind of group? Or engaged or newly married couples? I realize it would be hard to make work in a setting that isn’t a seminary where there a distinct group is sharing life together for an extended period, but it would be worth it.

    Remember how much I love you,

    Mom

    Interesting/Notable:

    8 US Libraries to Visit



    How to Reach Out to Someone You Admire

    I enjoy Laura Vanderkam so much, and interesting, Long ago, I did reach out to her (and gotten a reply!). I think it’s really helpful in life and work.

    An Action Item: Reach Out to Someone You Admire (or Would Like to Connect With)

    Per the above article, consider sending a note or in any way reaching out to someone you’d like to connect with. Maybe it is someone a few steps ahead of you at work? A friend you haven’t connected with in a long time? A person on social media you think is doing good in the world?

    What are you doing this weekend?

    So, now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing:

    *faith—when are you going to Mass?

    *friends—what friends will you see or connect with?

    *food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit?

    *fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally).

  • The Good Book Best Friend Theory of Everything (“kinda” From the Vault)

    The Mom Weekly Volume 57: September 10, 2024

    You can read this, or any other previous Mom Weeklies, by going to the website here.

    The “Good Book Best Friend” Theory of Everything

    While I was mowing recently, I listened to this Cal Newport podcast episode on  “intentional information.”

    Newport talked about how more information/news/content is not good for people, and it is important to intentional about both the kind of information we consume, and the way we encounter information/news, akin to Marshall McLuhan’s “the medium is the message.”

    “Information is not neutral” Newport says, and I couldn’t agree more. 

    Part of the reason “intentional information” resonates with me so much is that I have been talking about this and thinking about it for decades.

    Back in 2006 I started a blogspot blog (not my first! and not the one that features in “From the Vault”) called “Good Book Best Friend” to “write specifically about books I am reading to myself and books I am reading to my children, or the audiobooks listened to by our whole family.”

    As I wrote in the introduction:

    “The title of this blog comes from the expression, “A good book is your best friend, and a bad book is your worst enemy.” I’m quite sure I did not always think this was the case, but the more I read I realize how true this is.”

    “Not every book is all good or all bad, and I think I am fairly diverse in my reading and even what I read to my children. But knowing how much we are all influenced by what we read, see, hear, I want to be careful and teach my children to be careful, and above all to be discerning. I want my children to be able to read with a critical eye. We want to learn how to take the good from a book and leave behind what is harmful.

    I think we can all be trained to do this well, but we don’t have to waste our time on junk, either. That is kind of a revelation for me, too. Until about 10 years ago or so, I always, always, finished every book I started, no matter how much I hated it. Then I realized, I don’t have to finish! That was exciting.”

    Good for 2006 me! I’m really proud of what I wrote and thought about back then. Keep in mind, this was written 1. In the thick of our homeschooling days; and 2. just at the very beginning of social media as a concept.

    Even the Internet was not so much a part of our world as it is now. I realized that combining Cal Newport’s ideas about “intentional information” with my principle of “a good book is your best friend,” could create a kind of “Good Book Best Friend Theory of Everything” to help people think about how they consume content, create content, and live in the world. Some of those principles:

    • —a good book is your best friend, and a bad book is your worst enemy. 

    There is some content, a lot of content, that is actively bad for you. You probably have a good idea of what that is—some of it is bad for everyone, full stop, and other content may be bad for a person who is sensitive to certain concepts.

    • —being active in the world > (is greater than) viewing or reading about people being active.

    Whether it is traveling, cooking, spending time with friends, being active in a club, it’s much more satisfying to do than to watch or read about. Having said that, I’ve gotten great inspiration and motivation by seeing what others do, whether it’s a recipe emailed or texted to me by Dad, some random physical therapy exercises on Instagram, or an idea I’ve gotten from a podcast.

    • —local news and connections >  (is greater than) getting outraged about politics or world events.

    This is self-explanatory. I find it much better for my overall well-being to reduce the amount of news I consume. At the same time, I do want to have a balanced view of things, which is why I try to seek a range of different media sources. I also should be better at keeping up with local news, and being involved in my local community. Since we are still some time away from Election Day, I am going to make a note to find out what’s on the local/state ballot, who’s running for what locally, and decide who I want to vote for locally.

    • —creating content > consuming content. 

    Creating content, even if only for yourself or your family and friends (like The Mom Weekly, naturally!) is much more active and engaged. It may not be “fun” in the moment—though it can be— but it’s really worthwhile, and for me creates more happiness.

    • —digital Sabbaths can be a great idea. 

    I heard on a podcast someone saying that he put his phone in a drawer at the beginning of the weekend, and it was hard but wonderful. He said he could still go on the Internet, but he needed to do so on his computer. He could still watch a show on an actual TV. But the default was not “the computer in his pocket,” and so what he did became much more varied through the weekend.

    I’d love to try this, even on Sunday afternoons. I may even do it from time to time, but having a rule (“the phone goes in a different room from 1-5 p.m. on Sundays”) could be helpful for me.

    What would you add to this list? The more I think about this, the more I can add, but I’d love to hear what you would add to this.

    Remember how much I love you,

    Mom

    Interesting/Notable:

    The Financially Empowered Women: FEW 

    This is a group run by women for women under the umbrella of the White Coat Investor. I find WCI’s information pretty solid, and they’ve gotten

    In case you’re reading this the day it goes out, the FEW will be hosting a virtual presentation on Wednesday, September 11th, at 5:30 pm MT.

    Christine Benz, the director of personal finance for Morningstar, will be speaking. I’ve heard her interviewed on podcasts, and I’d love to be able to join in, as when I’ve joined in previously, there’s a good chance to ask questions and learn a lot. from other women who are interested in personal finance.

    The Unplugging Playbook

    Related to this week’s topic, this Substack post has useful ideas for how to schedule a time of unplugging from devices and the Internet

    An Action Item: Start Thinking About the Holidays

    We are heading into quite a few holidays, from birthdays to Thanksgiving, Advent, and Christmas. Take a few minutes this week—I will too!—to look ahead at the calendar. Some ideas of what you might consider:

    —things you want to do

    —presents you might want to get/give

    —traditions you want to continue or discontinue

    —foods or treats you might want to make or have 

    Let me know, or others if it involves others, so that we can make sure these things happen!

    What are you doing this weekend?

    So, now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing:

    *faith—when are you going to Mass?

    *friends—what friends will you see or connect with?

    *food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit?

    *fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally).

  • The Credit Series, Part 2: Credit Reports (Mom’s Occasional Money Advice)

    The Credit Series, Part 2: Credit Reports (Mom’s Occasional Money Advice)

    The Mom Weekly Volume 56: September 3, 2024

    Notes: Yes, It’s annoying

    I want to confirm that yes, this credit score/credit report/keeping up with your finances can get tiring and downright annoying. But sometimes the annoying part can be getting over the initial steps. For this week: once you’ve retrieved your credit report and looked it over for mistakes (and corrected any!), it will be that much easier the next time.

    But it is worthwhile effort. “Future You” (next year you, next decade you, etc. …) will thank you for taking the time to understand this information, and keeping track of to clear up any suspicious information right away.

    Remember how much I love you,

    Mom

    The Credit Series, Part 2: Credit Reports (Mom’s Occasional Money Advice)

    If you followed along last week on credit scores, you may have noticed when you checked your own credit score, that the source (Discover, Chase, or some other source) offered “for further information” to go to annualcreditreport.com

    The home page for AnnualCreditReport.com,

    The website may look scammy or dated, but I promise, it is legitimate and the only way to obtain your full credit reports.

    Here is the Wikipedia article describing its genesis.

    The three credit bureaus announced in 2021 that they would provide free weekly credit reports to anyone who requests it, through 2022. Even though that deadline passed long ago, the website still offers free weekly credit reports. These free weekly reports may go away at some point, but in the meantime, it’s a good idea to set up a regular schedule to check your credit score using this perk.

    A couple of cautions:

    • Note the upsells:

    —when you go through this process, one or more of the bureaus will try to “upsell” you to sign up for one of their paid services. One feature they offer is your FICO score, but as you know from last week, you can get that for free from a credit card company (even if you don’t have a credit card with that company).

    • Consider credit monitoring on your own.

    —both credit card companies and credit bureaus offer “credit monitoring” or “identity theft protection” for a fee. The fees for this can range from $15 on up. While it can be good to monitor your online activity, you can do this through checking your credit report often and flagging any inaccurate information or suspicious activity. 

    The Wall Street Journal had an article about cybersecurity that I found really useful (this is a gift link).

     It actually suggests, (as I do! naturally), checking your. credit reports weekly to check for any changes or suspicious activity.

    When I retrieved my credit reports, I found that two of the three included an address where I’ve never lived. It actually was the address for a local Travelodge Hotel, and that address been added to my report in 2019. I’m not sure how I didn’t notice it in 2020 when I discovered my identity had been stolen (you can read the whole post about it her 

    Let’s go through some steps to retrieving your credit reports together:

    • when you click on “request free credit reports”, you will have to fill out quite a bit of information.

    name

    address

    social security number

    This is just the beginning of the information you have to fill out ….

    and more. If you’ve lived at your location for more than two years, you can enter only one address. Otherwise, you will enter your second last address.

    Once you do that, you may have to verify your identity. For instance, I had to provide my email and phone number, and then use my phone number for a 2FA. After that, I was offered several questions to answer. I’m not including my exact questions here, but as an example, it would say something like:

    You have an auto loan that originated in 2023. Choose what is closest to the monthly payment for this loan:

    — $300-$540

    —$600-$700

    —$1000-$1200

    —none of the above

    Or, another question could read:

    You have credit cards with a number of issuers, except for

    —Chase

    —Wells Fargo

    —Citi

    —Discover

    —none; I have cards with all of these issuers

    You’ll need to answer these questions accurately, but I’ve never had any trouble with getting them “right.” But someone who doesn’t know much about you would have a hard time answering them.

    Next, you’ll have access to one of the bureaus reports—either Experian, TransUnion, or Equifax. You may be given the choice to download each report, which is not a bad idea. (Don’t try to print them, as each will be many, many pages long!).

    Take a look through it for any prior addresses; if I had done this before, I would have noticed the sketchy motel-address for myself. You should also check for any mistakes, or any accounts that you are not aware of.

    If you find something that is incorrect, there is a “dispute” or “correct” button on the report. 

    For the extra address, I filled out a “dispute” button, and explained that I never lived at that address. The next time I checked my credit reports, the address was gone.

    You’ll see many pages of credit payment history. This shows how often you paid on time (hopefully always!), as well as average balances.

    Now that you’ve completed this, set a reminder on your favorite format (I use ToDoist) to check your credit report again in another interval of time. It will be much easier.

    If you’re not actively applying for credit cards or another loan such as a mortgage or a car loan, you may want to freeze your credit. We’ll cover that another time!

    Interesting/Notable:

    It’s not about the nail

    I remember this when it first came out, and it’s even funnier now.

    “Button dogs” do understand words, and not just from their humans.

    Worth the read!  

    An Action Item: Request your credit report and flag any errors

    Yes, if you didn’t do so on our walk-through, do so  from all three credit bureaus, and take a look through it. Let me stress again that just a few years ago, you could only get a free credit report from each credit bureau once a year, so prior financial advice was to set a calendar reminder and request one from each bureau every four months.

    It really is so much easier, and I think worthwhile to take a look at your credit report at a regular clip. And also, don’t do what I did, and not look at everything carefully so that you can catch any incorrect information.

    What are you doing this weekend?

    So, now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing:

    *faith—when are you going to Mass?

    *friends—what friends will you see or connect with?

    *food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit?

    *fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally).

  • The Credit Series Part 1: Your Credit Score (Mom’s Occasional Money Advice)

    The Credit Series Part 1: Your Credit Score (Mom’s Occasional Money Advice)

    The Mom Weekly Volume 55: August 27, 2024

    Well, buckle up, kiddos, because this is a long post of Mom’s Occasional Money Advice. I am going to break this into several parts, since writing about credit score alone is so long.

    The genesis for this is a lengthy text exchange I had with one of your cousins earlier this year about credit scores. I love getting to answer questions about these things, even if I have to do some research. I “heart emoji” answering money questions. 🙂

    Remember how much I love you,

    Mom

    The Credit Series Part 1: Your Credit Score (Mom’s Occasional Money Advice)

    I won’t go into the whole history behind credit scores. If you are interested in exploring, here’s a good introductory article on how credit scores came to be.

    Our goal for today? A quick look at your credit score. I’ll show you how to find yours, what each element means, and ways you can bring it, if you want. This is not a bad idea for anyone, even if your credit score is great.

    Your Credit Score

    Let’s start by obtaining your “credit score.” There are actually many variations/flavors of this, and places to obtain them, but let’s do the easiest: check with one of your credit card issuers.

    I find Discover’s information to be highly accurate and useful.

    If you have a credit card with Discover, there is a link on your home page to view your FICO score (image). If you do not, you can get one for free by visiting here.

    Chase, another credit card issuer, offers something called “Credit Journey” which also shows a FICO score and more info.

    If you don’t have a Chase credit card or other account, here is the free link to gather your information:

    For the purpose of this Weekly, I opened a Credit Karma account, but I found the data not as accurate as Discover or Chase. I’m not sure why, but it shows me as having only 9 years of credit history, as if I were an actual baby.

    But I digress.

    Here is a screenshot of a recent credit score.

    This is mine, but with much of the information cut off for security purposes). My credit score is 822 — exceptional, according to Discover—thank you Discover! We will be going through each of the “tabs” listed in that photo, to show what goes into your credit score.

    What Goes into Your Credit Score:

    Column 1: FICO score.

    This number will be different from different sources. Here you can see it is 822. Chase tells me my FICO score is 807. (Darn you, Chase! For some reason, Chase’s number is almost always slightly lower than Discover’s number).

    Scores above 700 usually are sufficient for the best rates on a mortgage, car loan, and credit card approval. Keeping it well above that, once you get there, should be a goal.

    How to improve your score? Let’s check each element.

    Column 2: Number of accounts—10 percent of credit score

    The second column is the number of accounts, which contributes about 10 percent to your credit score. But unless you have no credit at all, this doesn’t matter (except as it relates to credit utilization, which we will get to below). This can include your credit cards, a mortgage, and car loans. It’s unclear to me whether it includes student loans, since I don’t have them.

    I happen to have a fair number of credit cards because of travel rewards, but it has no bearing on my credit score.

    While my score does go down slightly when I open a new card, it bounces back and usually higher with a month or so. So, if you are in the market for a mortgage or car loan, you may want to avoid opening any new credit cards. But ahead of time–say a year or two– it could actually make sense to open a few credit cards. Let’s cover that in when we get to “revolving utilization.”

    Column 3: Length of Credit—15 percent of credit score

    This shows the amount of time that you have a credit history. Mine is over 30 years long. This is the reason I would never close my oldest credit cards.

    Length of credit accounts for 15 percent of FICO score. So, for instance, we opened the kids’ credit card years ago so that you could have a longer credit history than you could by opening a card once you turned 18. And fortunately, it did help your credit scores by giving you a longer “length of credit” than other people your age.

    How to improve length of credit: Apart from the passage of time, it’s important to note that you should never close your oldest credit cards. If you are concerned because an older card has an annual fee, you can usually downgrade to a no annual fee card.

    Column 4 “Inquries”—10 percent of credit score 

    More inquiries, or credit checks, will reduce your score, and this number affects about 10 percent of your credit score. This is why you shouldn’t apply for 10 credit cards all at once.

    What to look for: if this number is higher than you expect—say, you only applied for one credit card in the last year, and this number is 5 or something higher, it’s worth looking into by pulling your credit report. We will get to credit reports next time.

    The number here means the number of “hard inquiries” on your credit. So, if you applied for a car loan, mortgage, or credit card, you would have given permission to have them check your credit. That’s a “hard inquiry” or “hard pull.” (This is different from a “soft inquiry,” which is when advertisers target you for credit card or other credit offers. That has no effect on your credit score).

    How to improve: this is not a very big part of your credit score. Unless you are applying for a lot of credit at one time, this won’t have a big effect on your credit score.

    Column 5: Credit Usage—30 percent of your credit score

    Now we arrive at categories that have a much bigger impact on your score.

    Revolving utilization, or credit usage, is one of the key elements in your credit score—accounting for about 30 percent of your score. Understanding this and paying attention to this can really pay off (pun intended!) in a higher score.

    It’s also called “utilization” or “credit usage.” Credit usage is a simple math problem: your card balances (what you have charged and not yet paid off) divided by the amount of total credit (what you could spend) on your credit cards equals your credit utilization percentage. 

    Chase and Discover say that less than 30 percent utilization is ideal, but you should strive to get this number as low as possible. As an example, my credit usage (credit utilization) is usually right around 3 percent.

    What that means is that I am using 3 percent of what I “could” be charging on my credit cards. The current balances on all of my credit cards at this moment total only 3 percent of what their limit is. 

    Let’s use, for an example: a person who has only two credit cards: a Discover and a Citi card. 

    The credit limits are:

    $3,000 on the Discover credit card.

    $7,000 credit limit on the Citi credit card.

    That means her utilization or credit limit would be $10,000 ($3,000 plus $7,000). 

    If there were $100 charged on the Discover since it was last paid, and $900 on the Citi credit card since last paid, the total utilization (or credit usage; what the person is actually using) would be $1,000 out of the $10,000, or 10 percent ($1,000/$10,000). Still very respectable numbers, but even lower is better.

    How to improve this: one way to increase your credit utilization total, and, by default (assuming you spend the same no matter how many credit cards you have), is by responsibly opening a credit card. That will increase the credit usage or utilization total.

    Using the example above, if our person with the two credit cards applies for and is approved for a Chase card with a limit of $10,000, her total utilization is now $20,000 ($3k Discover plus $7K Citi plus $10K Chase).

    So, assuming the amount charged on all of the cards is still $1,000, the credit usage is halved. Her credit usage is now 5 percent ($1,000 divided by $20,000, or .05), instead of 10 percent, as before.

    Even if you don’t use a card, the credit limit on that card gets added to your other ones, and increases your total credit limit, and therefore lowering your utilization limit. That’s why I recommend, for people who are responsible with credit cards, to consider opening new cards from time to time.

    At the very minimum, don’t ask your credit limit to be reduced when it is raised. If you have a good record of paying your bills on time, the amount you can charge will increase by a little or a lot by the credit card issuer, over time. As long as you’re not spending “to the limit,” this is a good thing.

    Missed Payments: 35 percent of your credit cards

    Obviously, paying bills on time is a high priority, and it has a big impact on your credit score. If you miss paying a credit card (even the minimum payment), your score will take a hit. Having a system for paying your credit card bills is a good idea.

    A “missed payment” does not include only paying the minimum amount due on your card. If you owe $2,000, but your minimum payment is $40, and you pay $40, you are fine in this category.

    Even if you carry a balance (and a large balance, unfortunately), you will not be “dinged” for your credit score. But here, once again, is Mom’s advice that has little to do with your credit score, but is arguably a much bigger goal/personal finance practice: pay your credit card bills in full.

    The gold rule of credit cards: pay them off in full and on time, every month.

    I know you know this, but it cannot be said enough. There is no reason to “leave” the charges there for any reason, and incur all the interest (in the 20 percent range! Or higher! It’s highway robbery!) that credit cards charge.

    There’s a relatively uncommon—but shockingly seen a fair bit—misconception I’ve seen in the personal finance space that you should keep a “balance” on one or more of your credit cards to “improve your score.” But that is complete and utter nonsense. 

    How to avoid either getting a “missed payment” ding to your credit score, or a huge interest bill for only partially paying a card? Have a system for paying your bills.

    I don’t even wait until my credit cards are due—I just pay them the day I get the notice of the bill. That’s just the way I run things, but you can do it other ways. 

    For instance, some people use auto-pay the total for each credit card they have. That can be smart, and assuming you have enough in your account, it guarantees you will never have a missed payment. I don’t happen to do this because I want to be able to look over the charges, make sure I have enough in to cover the bills in the account I pay from.

    Also, the default for auto-pay is I think on the due date, which I don’t love because I just want to see it’s paid well ahead of the due date. I guess if you’re going to use autopay, or if you do, I would recommend setting the “pay” date to a week or so before the due date so there’s no mixup.

    Next time: Credit Reports! Let me know if you have any questions on credit scores.

    Interesting/Notable:

    A Gentler, Better Way to Change Minds

    Sheet Pan Pancakes with Mixed Berries

    This looks interesting but I wonder if it would turn out as good as it looks? This is the original recipe on which it is based.

    An Action Item: Check Your Credit Score

    As detailed above, it is very easy these days to get a full picture of what your credit score is, and see if you have any areas that can be improved. At minimum, you could note your credit score, and check it again in a month. It truly takes very little time, and you can follow along with the details above to see where you can improve or at least stay steady.

    What are you doing this weekend?

    So, now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? It’s Labor Day weekend, so remember to plan for something that extra day!

    I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing:

    *faith—when are you going to Mass?

    *friends—what friends will you see or connect with?

    *food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit?

    *fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally).

  • Trinity Bars (The Second Annual Grandpa Joe’s Birthday Treat Recipe)

    Trinity Bars (The Second Annual Grandpa Joe’s Birthday Treat Recipe)

    The Mom Weekly Volume 54: August 20, 2024

    The Second Annual Grandpa Joe’s Birthday Treat Recipe

    Last year, right around this time, I posted a recipe of Tunnel of Fudge Cake in honor of what would have been Grandpa Joe’s 96th birthday, and his famous sweet tooth. Many of us have inherited that sweet tooth!

    I will make it an annual tradition to share a decadent sweets recipe around Grandpa Joe’s birthday in August. And also to make the dessert! This year, it will be Trinity Bars.

    I couldn’t find a photo of Trinity Bars, so I put these (to me) funny New Yorker cartoon from a page-a-day calendar)

    Remember how much I love you,

    Mom

    Trinity Bars

    I think this recipe has other names, but I’ve adjusted the recipe enough that I get to name them, and since there are three layers, I dubbed them “Trinity Bars.” Perhaps Trinity Bars could be a good teaching moment about the Trinity, much like St. Patrick did with shamrocks. But I’ll leave that to the theologians in the family. 🙂

    Trinity Bars are a three-layer treat: a bottom brownie layer; a middle buttercream frosting layer; and a “goody” peanut butter/chocolate/rice krispie layer.

    For the bottom brownie layer:

    Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

    Spray a 9×13 pan with Baker’s Joy or similar non-stick spray.

    Prepare a box of Duncan Hines Dark Chocolate Brownie Mix with these additions instead of the listed one: 

    1/2 cup melted butter

    1 egg 

    1 T vanilla, 

    a sprinkle of salt

    Spread in the prepared 9×13 pan and bake for about 20-25 minutes, until a toothpick inserted in the center is clean or contains only crumbs.

    Allow brownies to cool completely before spreading on buttercream frosting layer.

    For the middle buttercream frosting layer:

    beat together

    1/2 cup butter, softened

    3 to 4 cups of powdered sugar

    1 teaspoon-plus vanilla

     teaspoons of half & half as needed to achieve good consistency.

    I alternate between one cup of powdered sugar, a couple of tablespoons of half & half, and so on.

    spread frosting on top of baked and cooled brownies

    Important note: No, you can’t use a canned frosting. It doesn’t take very long to make homemade frosting, and it is well worth it.

    For the krispie “goody” layer:

    Measure out about 3 cups of Rice Krispie cereal (store brand is fine) into a large bowl.

    In a big microwave safe glass bowl (I have a 4-cup pyrex that works well for this), melt:

    1 cup creamy peanut butter

    2 cups chocolate chips

    Cook for about 1 minute in the microwave, then stir. If it’s not smooth, continue with 30 second intervals (stirring in between), until it is.

    Mix in 1 teaspoon or so of vanilla.

    Pour over the Rice Krispies in the large bowl and mix until combined.

    Carefully spread this topping on the frosted brownies.

    Chill before serving, then cut into small squares. Yummy! 

    Interesting/Notable:

    Macroculture versus Microculture

    I keep a list of interesting/notable things to share here, and revisted this one from December. It’s quite interesting, but I’m not sure how much I agree with it.

    An Action Item: Consider Meal Planning or Prepping for the Week Ahead

    As I’ve said before, I often put these action items in based on things that I would like to do, or do better.

    I have tried, with varying levels of success, to meal plan ahead. We’ve gotten into a good routine of pizza in the Ooni on Wednesday night, salmon on Friday night, and going out for something fun on Saturday night after Mass. So there aren’t so many days to figure out what to have. Even with that, I find it helpful to look ahead about a week and a half ahead to see if there are any conflicts or days we will be away. So when I go to Aldi, I can stock up on what things I might need.

    So, for example, let’s take a week of dinners from July:

    Sunday: pasta with red sauce and breaded eggplant & zucchini

    Monday: book group over; chicken salad, croissants, various salads (potluck)

    Tuesday: cheese quesadillas with Southwest corn, raw veggies

    Wednesday: pizza in the Oonie

    Thursday: Culver’s (can’t remember why, but I’m sure it was fun!)

    Friday: salmon, pierogi, carrots and other cooked veggies

    Saturday: eat out at local Asian restaurant

    It could be a good start to look back at what you had for dinners in the last few weeks, and consider a rhythm of dinners that you like and that you find easy to make.

    What are you doing this weekend?

    So, now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing:

    *faith—when are you going to Mass?

    *friends—what friends will you see or connect with?

    *food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit?

    *fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally).

  • The Epic of Gilgamesh (From the Vault, May 2007)

    The Epic of Gilgamesh (From the Vault, May 2007)

    The Mom Weekly Volume 53: August 13, 2024

    Note:

    I love “From the Vault” so much. I wonder if you kids remember any of these happenings. I don’t think I would if I hadn’t written them down at the time!

    Remember how much I love you,

    Mom

    From the Vault: The Epic of Gilgamesh (May 2007)

    A month or so ago, we had a taste of The Epic of Gilgamesh in our history book, The Story of the World, by Susan Wise Bauer. This is an excellent series and I’m so glad we can use it as the “spine” of our study of history.

    The accompanying activity guide has not just lots of fun hands-on activities and worksheets, many of which we do in our once-a-month co-op, but also lists for each chapter of well-selected extra literature selections.

    Many are picture books, but they are so well-done all ages would enjoy them. I usually send a huge email about once a month to Glenda, our terrific interlibrary loan lady, an email filled with these books for about 3-4 chapters at at time, and we have a great time going through them when they come in from the library. Usually Homegirl runs off with six or seven of them, and I will read one or two to the others. Then we have lots of interesting reads for the upcoming days.

    One particularly compelling trilogy of books we are reading (from interlibrary loan, though I might decide to invest in them) is by Ludmila Zeman. The first is Gilgamesh the King, the second; The Revenge of Ishtar, and the third The Last Quest of Gilgamesh.

    Update: I did purchase the books, and I still have them!

    Her illustrations are compelling; fierce and beautiful at the same time. She also wrote the words and her way with words is wonderful.

    The Epic of Gilgamesh dates from about 2700 B.C., thousands of years before Christ. It tells the story of the Gilgamesh, a wicked but powerful king who learns about friendship and self-giving love by meeting his match in the equally strong but kind Enkidu. The themes of love, death, immortality and other “kid-friendly” themes (ha!) are part of all these books, and the children and I just loved them, and loved discussing them.

    Now, I am the kind of reader who reads straight. I tend not to ask kids questions while I read. I will pause at certain times, explain occasionally, but really want to read the story itself. I always answer questions, but I tend to be pretty no-nonsense in my reading style. Sir could not be more different–I will suggest a short, short book to read to children late at night when I just want a quick read and off to sleep, and he will draw it out for hours (ok., I’m exaggerating). But I do kind of admire how much he can draw out of the simplest text.

    This trilogy made it very easy for me to pause and discuss. The illustrations are so detailed we had to stop for awhile at each page. Every page brought up “big questions”. The last page in The Revenge of Ishtar reads,

    “As Enkidu and Shamat flew into the night,

    King Gilgamesh went out alone onto the river.

    ‘Death is the worst monster in the world,’

    he thought. It has taken Enkidu from me.

    Someday it will take me from my people.

    I must find a way to destroy it.

    I must seek out the secret of immortality.’

    ‘That will be my last quest.’ “

    On this page, little 3-year-old Max began spontaneously a discussion about how Jesus killed death (his major theme at the moment), and the girls had to point out that Gilgamesh lived (or was written, as I told them, because it is a story and not history) thousands of years before Jesus. So we talked about how all people throughout time have talked about and wondered about all these things–life, death, love, and what to think about them. We talked about how grateful we are to have the fullness of faith and truth Jesus brings us, but people have always sought answers to these questions and sought the good and the meaning of everything. I wish I could have had a tape recorder going because I was floored by how insightful these three children, all under 10, could discuss these “big things.”

    I don’t think it was necessarily how smart they are (though of course they are all above average :-)), but just a good book inspiring great discussion.

    I feel so grateful to be learning alongside my children with so many great resources. Thank you, Ludmila Zeman!

    Interesting/Notable: 

    Look at all those people taking care of themselves:

    Wow, this episode about a bishop taking a leave of absence for his mental health is so moving. .. all about relationality.

    I made a costly decluttering mistake—The Minimal Mom (Youtube)

    The tl:dr: Don’t be too annoyed when you get rid of something and you wish you had kept it. You can’t have both a peaceful, moderately uncluttered house, and also keep absolutely everthing. Not deciding to get rid of things is deciding, and can lead to problems!

    The Well-Off People Who Can’t Spend Money–The Atlantic (gift link)

    An action item: Check your Roth IRA

    We haven’t had a Roth IRA item in awhile. So let’s take a moment to do two things related to Roths. As written previously , it’s easy to open and maintain a Roth IRA. The only requirements for contributing to a Roth IRA are: one: having a Roth IRA account two: earned income and three: not too much earned income (as the ability to contribute to a Roth phases out at higher income levels. There are even ways to get around that, but let’s stick with the simple for now).

    Read this article to get the basics.

    Two Roth-related things to do:

    One: check that you are funding your Roth this year.

    How much have you contributed this year so far? If you have an auto-deposit set up for this, would you like to bump it up by some amount ($10, $100, etc.) monthly before the end of the year? Recall that the 2024 limits for Roth contributions is $7,000 for people under 50 ($8,000 for those 50 and up).

    Two: Make sure you are investing the funds in your Roth IRA.

    It might be in cash or a cash equivilant. Don’t worry, we’ve all done this. That’s better than not having a Roth, but the beauty of Roth earnings is they are never taxed. So the sooner you can get it into a low-cost index fund or ETF, the better.

    Some ideas for low-cost ETFs/index funds that passively index the entire stock market—these all have basically the same returns:

    VTI: Vanguard Total Stock Market 

    SCHB: Schwab’s version total stock market ETF

    FSKAX: Fidelity’s Total Stock Market Fund

    If you need any help with any of this, or have any Roth-related questions, just let me know. I love answering these kinds of questions!

    What are you doing this weekend?

    So, now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing:

    *faith—when are you going to Mass?

    *friends—what friends will you see or connect with?

    *food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit?

    *fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally).