The Mom Weekly Volume 23: January 2, 2024

As far as I can tell, David Allen of Getting Things Done fame, is the one who popularized the concept of “closing the loop.”

As Allen explains it, having unfinished tasks, especially ones that aren’t written down, take up valuable “real estate” in our brains, and can make us less effective and less happy, and have less energy for the things we really want to or need to accomplish. Here’s one article from his website explaining some of the concepts.

Here’s an example of this in life recently: our vehicle insurance renews towards the end of the year, and it’s been an open loop for some time for me, because we were considering moving to a different company. Even though I had it written as a task and project in my ToDoist app, it would pop into my mind every so often.

After talking about it and doing some research, Dad and I decided to stay with our current company, but change a few things about our insurance to lower the payment. Then I had to set up an auto payment for the new amount from a new account. Once that was completed, I knew I needed to get the insurance cards into each vehicle.

I like to laminate the cards so each is easy to find in the glove box. So another day, I found the insurance cards on our online account, printed them out, and laminated each one.

Fortunately, Giuliana noticed before we started to put them in each vehicle that I had mistakenly printed out last year’s insurance cards, which were to expire in December 2023. Good catch!

So, I had to go into the account again, print out the new cards (expiring in December 2024), download those, print and laminate them. Everyone was home those around Christmas, so I figured it would be easy.

It sounds like I had “closed the loop,” but I didn’t feel that satisfaction just yet. That would not happen until each of the cards were in their respective vehicles. I immediately put mine in my vehicle, and asked everyone else to do it. I left the laminated sheets (labeled with a sticky note for each vehicle to spot quickly), on the kitchen counter closest to the door, so we would all see them when we walked by.

After a day or so, the insurance forms were in their respective vehicles, and being able to “close that loop” was so satisfying for me. Now I don’t need to think about that project (and that loop) until November or December of 2024, when it comes time to renew our vehicle insurance again.

Phew!

What’s your point?

I tell that story not just to show how great I am for taking care of that project for our family (but you are welcome to let me know how great I am for taking care of that for our family, LOL).

But it got me thinking about loops.

I want to make sure that I can close the loop on various projects and tasks. The best way is to think when I start something: how can I close the loop on this?

And so I’m going to encourage you to do the same.

First of all, having a system in place to remind yourself of things, so that you don’t have to keep it all in your head, is probably the most important step of this.

I love using ToDoist to remind me to do things I need to do weekly or monthly, or even annually. For example, I have a recurring event in ToDoist to remind me to give the dogs their monthly heartworm pills. Instead of having to remember it “in my head”, I simply note when the ToDoist reminder comes up. Once I give the dogs their pill, I comment on the date, and then checking the item off moves it to a month away. It’s a great system. But one can use paper, or the Notes app on your phone, or any other system. You just have to trust that you will be reminded of things, so it can get out of your brain.

Often, projects take multiple steps—like the auto insurance listed above.

Also: creating The Mom Weekly! I might complete writing it a few days ahead (or not– It depends).But I can’t “close the loop” until I upload the text and any graphics to the website, add in the appropriate links, schedule it to go out via email. Then I can close that loop, until it comes around again next week. It’s effortful, but very satisfying. I hope you enjoy it!

Remember how much I love you,

Mom

Interesting/Notable:

Abiding in the Still Point

The women’s book group I run at our parish is reading T.S. Eliot’s “The Four Quartets” for January, and one of the members shared this beautiful article about it.

How Nine Lessons & Carols Brought a Century of Christmas Comfort

Dad was telling us about how the Lessons & Carols came to be, and this article describes it as well. The service was created was by a young deacon who had been in World War I, but “had to consider how to tend to the emotional and spiritual wounds soldiers brought home. He began to formulate a service with the suffering and trauma of the last four years in mind, a service marked by beauty, simplicity, and truth.”

As you may remember, we have often listened to on the BBC Christmas Eve morning (and actually Christmas Eve in England, where it is broadcast from).

Also, there is a wonderful documentary about Lessons & Carols and how it all comes together in modern times.

An Action Item:

Subscribe! I have added a subscribe box to each of the newsletters, as well as on each page of the website. Eventually, it will be even more interconnected, and I will have all of the old newsletters uploaded to the website. But in the meantime, you can subscribe if you are not, and you can forward this email to others, and they can subscribe using the form embedded in each newsletter and each post.

I have also begun to design the website. It’s very basic now, and I find the formatting kind of wonky. But for now, my goal will be to get all of the old weeklies uploaded, and then I can work more on design. I’ll get there, bit by bit.

What are you doing this weekend?

The Mom Weekly schedules to post on Tuesdays. One of the reasons for this is to encourage you (and me, too!) to think about weekend plans. All too often, I have let that go until Friday, and then it’s hard to get people together, or make plans for coffee, or figure out when you go to Mass (other than the default, which is what we typically do).

So, now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing:

*faith—when are you going to Mass?

*friends—what friends will you see or connect with?

*food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit?

*fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally).

The Mom Weekly Volume 22: December 26

​The other day I went to daily Mass at a church I don’t normally go to. There was a young family there with maybe 4 small children, ages about 2-10. The kids, especially the younger ones, were typically squirmy and making “sotto voce” comments about various things. At one point the dad took out one of the kids, but came back.

​

(An aside: I always want to (and sometimes do) say to families with small children that it bothers you way more than it bother anyone else around when your kids make noise. Virtually everyone else is charmed by little voices and movements. But that message is for another day).

​At the sign of peace, the youngest, who at that time was being held by mom, reached over to the second or third youngest, trying to give her a handshake for the sign of peace. She turned her back on her brother, a completely normal thing at various times. Who wants to give peace to a sibling who tortures you, steals your toys, or hits you all the time?

​The two-year-old was having none of it. He said, kind of whispering (that stage sotto voce that can be so adorable,) “She won’t give me peace.” When this was met with little reaction by family members or those around, he rose his voice and said, “She won’t give me peace!”

​Some shushing happened, only causing 2-year-old to yell, “SHE WON”T GIVE ME PEACE!!!”

​I remember thinking as it happened, “Welcome to the human race, little guy.

​“She won’t give me peace!!!” is an apt metaphor for our world always, and especially right now. There is so much division and rancor and actual violence in the world. We need peace, and yet it seems impossible. I wonder about ways I can bring peace to my family, to my community, to the world. Prayer is obvious, and truly working on a peaceful heart and spirit.

​As I wrote this, I was reminded of a Mother Teresa quote. Trying to find it, I discovered this essay by her which covers peace in its opening paragraphs.

Peace begins with a smile. Smile five times a day at someone you don’t really want to smile at; do it for peace. Let us radiate the peace of God and so light His light and extinguish in the world and in the hearts of all men all hatred and love for power.
​

Since it is Christmas season, let us remember that the Prince of Peace will give us the grace to be able to live that kind of peace, and spread it to others.

​

​Remember how much I love you,

Mom

​

Interesting/Notable

​

The Great Cousin Decline

Gift link (Atlantic tells me the link is only good for 14 days from 12/21, when I saved it).

This makes me so grateful for all of the cousins (including some readers here!) and the relationships you all have.

​Rich Mullins last concert–September 6, 1997 ​

I’ve been on a bit of Rich Mullins kick on Spotify lately.

This is his last concert, very simple, in someone’s home. Read the description of the video–it is fascinating, and I didn’t remember until I read it how Rich was preparing to become Catholic just before he died in a car crash less than an hour north of here (along Route 39).

I loved watching this over a couple of days, because it put me back in mind of his rambling talks before songs. I never saw him in concert, but I so wish I had.

​Are Low-Fat Dairy Products Actually Healthier?–NY Times​

I feel like I’ve known this for many years. Why does it seems news to The Times?

An Action Item: Add to Your Roth IRA

This is the last The Mom Weekly of the year, so it’s good to do some year-end financial tasks. I’ve been doing financial tasks for Dad & me the last few weeks. Since we are older there are a few more complicated items, but for you kids, probably one of the best things you can do for “future you” is add to your Roth IRA.

As I’ve mentioned before, one of my big money regrets is not maximizing Roths when we were younger. Roths have only been around since 1998, but I could have rolled over old IRA money into a Roth decades ago.

The limit for 2023 if you’re under age 50 is $6,500, so assuming you do not have that much in yours already, consider putting a little more in, especially if you received a bonus or other windfall. If you make more than $153,000 and you filing single, or $228,000 married filing jointly, you can’t contribute directly to a Roth. Here’s a Schwab article detailing the limits.​

​For those with too-high incomes to contribute, Backdoor Roths are a good possibility. Read this article from The White Coat Investor for details on how to accomplish this.​

If you need help in the next few days (or really, anytime!) doing some of this, I’m happy to help. Just let me know!

What are you doing this weekend?

Because New Year’s Eve is this Sunday, we will once again skip our weekly questions. Here’s to a peaceful, safe, and beautiful 2024.

The Mom Weekly Volume 21: December 19

​I was having a bit of a rant to select friends and family after my book group last weekend, when one woman (whose suggestions I usually love!) mentioned a book by an author whose writing I actively loathe.

This author’s books are one that often is given out to parishioners in various Catholic Churches at Christmastime. The books are terrible, mostly for being hackneyed, cliched pablum. While there doesn’t seem to be anything contrary to the faith in them, I find them so uninspiring as to be actually repellent.

The company distributing such books must do excellent marketing to get parishes to consider and even do this kind of a book giveaway. But I find this approach counterproductive. Reading a “meh” book about the faith would not have most clamoring for more.

Still: finding a book that could be relevant and interesting to even type of person in a parish is a tall order. As a general rule, it could be classified as a fool’s errand.

A Thought Experiment

Fool’s errand or not, it is an interesting thought experiment: If you could get everyone in a parish or other group to read one book, what would that book be?

What if you could choose only fiction? What if you could only choose non-fiction? What if you could only choose a children’s book?

I can think of quite a few non-fiction books that I think many people should read, but not all of them would be suitable for an entire parish.

The one that comes most to mind is Sherry Wedell’s Forming Intentional Disciples. I reviewed that book here.

As far as fiction, so many books come to mind. And it is fun to think about it.

What kind of book would you choose? Let me know!

Remember how much I love you,

Mom

Interesting/Notable

​Jolabokaflod -The Read-Aloud Revival

“During Jolabokaflod, you gift members of your family with new books, and everyone drinks hot cocoa and spends the whole of Christmas Eve reading.”

if this doesn’t sound like something designed for our family, I don’t know what does.

​Pulled Out Beyond My Capacities—Leah Libresco​

An Action Item: Have you set any goals for the new year?

I’m re-reading Michael Hyatt’s Your Best Year Ever, which is a helpful book in getting inspiration for planning for a great year ahead.

Hyatt is all about making “SMART” goals (specific, measurable, action-oriented, and time-bound). His company has a series of journals to help with that. He separates that into 10 different areas of life: spiritual, intellectual, emotional, physical, marital, parental, social, vocational, avocational, and financial.

As I began re-reading, I realize that there too much complexity in his system. In particular, 10 categories of life are too many categories to be keeping track of.

So in advance of 2024, I am contemplating this: a list of things I would like to have completed before the end of the year. I can also break those down into smaller chunks, as Hyatt suggests. But I honestly think just having the last will keep me accountable, especially if I try to keep the list handy and refer to it every week or so. I’ll keep you posted.

So, what are you doing to plan for next year?

What are you doing this weekend?

This weekend (Sunday, actually) is Christmas Eve, so I think we will skip the “what are you doing this weekend?” section this time.

I’m looking forward to so much about Christmas, especially having you all home. I am also excited for our annual watch of “The Muppet Christmas Carol.” This year (it’s been awhile) we can maybe re-watch the Alistar Sim 1951 version of “A Christmas Carol.”

.

The Mom Weekly Volume 19: December 5, 2023

An Important Lesson from Charlie Munger 

Charlie Munger, the billionaire vice chairman of Berkshire Hathaway, and Warren Buffett’s best friend, died last week at 99. There have been countless obituaries and appreciations. Among the details of his life are some problematic donations, notably to Planned Parenthood. But apart from that (which has me praying for him, don’t worry), he has wisdom and ideas that are both old-timey —in a good way—and timeless.

Earlier this year, I pre-ordered the Kindle version of Poor Charlie’s Almanack: The Essential Wit and Wisdom of Charles T. Munger. It released today, so I’ll let you know what I think about it.

I can’t find an exact source for this story about Munger making the rounds. But it is 

1. great and

2. seems like him:

Munger was once asked if he played piano, and he replied,

“I don’t know; I’ve never tried.”

That may seem like a simple statement, but consider how most people who’ve never played would answer: 

“No, I don’t play piano.” 

Or: “I could never.”

Even people who have played piano might say, “Not really” or “only a little.”

But Munger answers truthfully, but in a much more positive way: I don’t know, because I’ve never tried. 

To put it another way: “Not Yet.”

Munger here is rejecting “limiting beliefs”—those thoughts we have that prevent us from accomplishing things, or even trying, because we believe we can’t. Here’s an explainer.​

My (crocheted) history of limiting beliefs

You probably know the story by now of how dear old Mrs. Soseman, God rest her soul, tried to teach me crocheting probably 25 years ago. She gave up after half an hour, telling me I could “never crochet, because you’re such a tight knitter.”

And for a quarter of a century, I’ve believed something pretty ridiculous: I am incapable of learning to crochet.

I’m so glad that I took the time to learn crochet last summer. I’m not doing it as avidly as Giuliana, who has made the most wonderful assortment of crochet squares.

​

However, the time that I took to learn crocheting got me back into knitting in such a fun way, and I’m happy for that.

​

I also find myself thinking about other things—maybe more important things—that I say to myself “I can’t” do. I’m not talking about being a star NBA player or becoming an EGOT winner by next year. 

Instead, I can remind myself this:

Something I “can’t do” is something that I just can’t do … yet. I haven’t tried.

Also, I can decide that something I can’t do is not that important to me, and owning that.

What are some limiting beliefs that you have? Give that thought experiment a try!

Remember how much I love you,

Mom

Interesting/Noteworthy

​How to Avoid Being Boring at 60 — WSJ (gift link)​

I don’t think that I am boring, but maybe it’s because I am doing some of the things discussed in this article. I like the idea of making it more formal, though. What do you think?

​My Day with Charlie Munger

​

​Round and Round–forthcoming Hallmark Movie​

Everyone knows my weakness for Hallmark Christmas movies (okay, let’s just be honest: year-round Hallmark movies). I am grateful that a number of the movies recently have been surprisingly good! 

In particular, the last few years have shown well-produced and enjoyable Hanukkah-themed movies. One premiering early next week looks wonderful—it’s like Groundhog Day set during Hanukkah. I can’t wait!

​How to Overcome Self-Limiting Beliefs—Harvard Business Review​

Interesting about functional imagery training—never heard of this before!

An Action Item: Consider year-end (Advent) donations

(When looking up the spelling of Hanunkkah, I found this article about why children are given “gelt” or money during the season so that they can give some of it to charity. So, apropos of this action item.) 

During Lent and Advent is when we typically make bigger donations to charities.

Over the years, I’ve tried to get more creative in giving. Even though GoFundMe and similar fundraisers are not tax-deductible (a minor point!), I consider donations to a GoFundMe or similar fundraisers in the category of charity giving. 

Typically I give only to people I know personally, but when someone I respect vets a trusted fundraiser, I might. I discovered this group through someone I respect well: the Order of Judith. It’s in process of being formed as a 501(c)3 charity, but it’s only in the beginning stages, so raises money through GoFundMe. First of all, what a great cause, and I am especially impressed by the fierce name of the group. I was happy to donate, and you might want to consider that, too. 

What are you doing this weekend?

The Mom Weekly schedules to post on Tuesdays. One of the reasons for this is to encourage you (and me, too!) to think about weekend plans. All too often, I have let that go until Friday, and then it’s hard to get people together, or make plans for coffee, or figure out when you go to Mass (other than the default, which is what we typically do).

So, now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing:

*faith—when are you going to Mass?

*friends—what friends will you see or connect with?

*food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit?

*fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally).