My Monkeys, My Circus (Part the First)

The Mom Weekly Volume 93: May 20, 2025

You can read this, or any other previous Mom Weeklies, by going to the home page here.

Notes:

As I was crafting this, it turned into a much longer reflection than I expected. And so I decided to break this up into two parts. It’s not a cliff-hanger, not really, but it lends itself to two categories. It will make sense next week, I promise!

Remember how much I love you, 

Mom 

My Monkeys, My Circus (Part the First)

When I was trying to look up the expression, “not my circus, not my monkeys,” I found

1. That it’s an old Polish proverb. It basically is a way for people to say, “I’m not going to engage with whatever drama is being presented to me.”

2. Then I found this recent WSJ opinion piece about how detachment from others is a good skill, and I wholeheartedly agree. It’s important to disengage from the drama of others when necessary, for our own well-being and health. 

Not My Circus, Not My Monkeys: How I’ve Learned to Deal with the Addicts in My Life

However, that’s not what I’m talking about here.

You kids know that I got two anonymous letters — actual US postal service mail—when you were tiny and little, from a parish member in our old town? They were badly worded and mean missives instructing me to keep better control of my kids at Mass. That would be you! 

I am actually laughing about this now as I write, because I’m so beyond this. 

But for a long time, I was tender about it. And I actually saved the letters for years; can you believe it? Until one day I was going through a folder of stuff and found them, and thought, why am I saving these? I should only save good positive letters and mementos. So into the trash they went.

The other funny story about this is that when I received the first one, a dear friend and I — who both often attended daily Mass with our kids—were trying to speculate about who could have sent such a letter. And we hit upon the idea of a cranky old lady who wore housecoats and went to daily Mass. I have blessedly forgotten her name, but was something old-fashioned like “Mabel Smith.” And then she died, and I got the second letter, and I thought, “I’m so sorry for thinking bad things about you, Mabel Smith.” LOL.

Because of that experience, I have always been extremely supportive of families at Mass. I go out of my way to talk to families whose kids have been “busy” (which sometimes can be a euphemism for being dreadful) to say that they are doing great to bring them to Mass, and it’s okay to walk in and out of the church as needed, and to do what you need to.

Sometimes, as you have experienced, I will point out one of you adult children and say how “busy” you were, and how even though I don’t feel like I got a lot out of  Mass then, “NOW” you are the ones “shush-ing” me if I whisper something. It’s kind of hilarious.

Dad, God bless him, who is usually pretty easygoing about things, was always extremely firm that we would not punish kids for kid-like behavior at Mass. Not that I ever wanted to! 

But the way he talked about never wanting you to feel shame or bad feelings related to religious things, still brings me to tears, because it makes so much spiritual sense.

Anyway, there’s also the expression “two things can be true at the same time.” Back the, when talking about some of these things to friends, a few had the opinion that maybe I did need to crack down a little more, or find a way to make you behave. (Again, I’m laughing—you kids are all so strong willed—how could I get you to do anything?). 

They would tell stories of how they got their kids to “behave” at Mass, and they were things Dad and I would never do. Now, some of those people I still know, and their now adult children still seem to have an active faith life, even experiencing what I consider harsh punishment when they were young. So every family is different, and lots of different approaches work.  

Now that I am older, I see there are a lot of ways to successfully raise kids, and it’s important to do what works best for your personality, and try to be open to the Holy Spirit nudges for changes or the right thing to say. My circus, my monkeys.

That is a VERY long introduction to what happened to me earlier this month. But I am going to save that for next week.

Interesting/Notable:

First “math pope” reveals unity of faith and reason

Meet the “Stealthy Wealthy” Who Make Their Money the Boring Way

An Action Item: Start Your Summer List

(I’ve posted this in the past, and usually much earlier than this. But it’s still good idea!)

Summer is fast approaching, and it’s time to think ahead about things that you would like to “accomplish” or do. And you can be creative! I haven’t even started mine, but I’m going to use this as a kind of template to begin:

*restaurant to visit (either that you’ve never done so, or not in a long time)

*nearby town to explore 

*hiking trail to re-hike

*new trail to hike 

*savory summer recipe to try

*sweet summer recipe to try

*a goal to visit the farmer’s market monthly or more often; a different one each time?

*museum to visit, especially with an intriguing temporary exhibit