I was at IKEA for lunch recently with Homegirl, and we happened to be there on a Tuesday. The IKEA family program is a free sign-up that allows you certain discounts on items. I signed up years ago, and until recent years, you got 5 percent off of every purchase, including furniture. I’m kind of surprised that the discount lasted as long as it did, but it’s gone now.
Anyway, there we were at IKEA ordering lunch. And as we checked out, I asked if there were any discounts for IKEA family. And it was half off of entrees Tuesdays. Yay!
Homegirl said, “Well, this reminds me of something you used to say to us.”
I couldn’t remember, and then I did.
It was: “Well, you’re a cheap date.”
I would say this to kids when we would get a free kids meal, or have an inexpensive meal out, or when I would use a coupon or something else.
I think I might have gotten it from my Mom. (Siblings, if you remember this, let me know).
Now, if I search etymology for the expression “cheap date,” it has a kind of tawdry, 1950s vibes of someone who is loose.
Of course, there are also innumerable “cheap or free date” web pages of things to do that don’t cost a lot of money.
But I always meant it as a funny statement of how little something cost. And I was definitely joking if I was using this to refer to one of you kids. Children are the exact opposite of a “cheap date.” But they are so worth every single penny. (Remember, I’m Team Baby).
But I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing to be a cheap date.
It’s almost impossible to eat out inexpensively these days. The cost of restaurant meals—even fast food!—is so much higher in recent years. While it may seem not very possible to have a “cheap date” anymore, there’s always a picnic, or a hike, or a board game, or some combination.
But there’s nothing wrong with asking about discounts, or using gift cards (kudos here for Discover Cashback gift cards that allow me to eat at Panera for free), or using coupons.
Anyway, I probably should come up with an alternative to “cheap date” — I’m open to suggestions! — but for now, I think you know what I mean!
I thought this was a lovely reflection on the tension between “when to speak up and when to patiently endure.” Bonus that it does so through the Elizabeth Gaskell novel Wives & Daughters.
This was so well written. “Because we need beauty to keep our morale up.”
An action item: Start a Summer List
Summer is fast approaching, and it’s time to think ahead about things that you would like to “accomplish” or do. And you can be creative! I haven’t even started mine, but I’m going to use this as a kind of template to begin:
*restaurant to visit (either that you’ve never done so, or not in a long time)
*nearby town to explore
*hiking trail to re-hike
*new trail to hike
*savory summer recipe to try
*sweet summer recipe to try
*a goal to visit the farmer’s market monthly or more often; a different one each time?
*museum to visit, especially with an intriguing temporary exhibit
What are you doing this weekend?
So, now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing:
*faith—when are you going to Mass?
*friends—what friends will you see or connect with?
*food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit?
*fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally).
I had a completely different, kind of silly, reflection all ready to go, but I’ve had a challenging recent time accompanying a friend going through difficulties. I’ve had several talks with Dad to process, but I still have a lot of thoughts swirling around and what lessons to share from this.
Then I remembered that I reviewed a book for The Catholic Post a year or so ago; a book that I found very helpful in understanding boundaries. I’m going to reprint my review below, because it does explain why boundaries are so important.
And here’s the thing that is standing out to me right now: putting healthy boundaries in place can be hard enough, but is even more complicated by being hurt from a lack of boundaries over time. That’s why being intentional about boundaries is a good practice all through life.
So I’m repeating myself here: pick something (or things) to practice saying “no” about. It’s good for you, it’s good for future you, and it’s good for all you have relationships with.
Remember how much I love you,
Mom
Good Boundaries
Most people understand that health is a lifelong practice on a physical level—you don’t “get healthy” once and then abandon the healthy habits that led to it, such as as eating well, getting adequate sleep, exercise, and reducing stress. Our bodies, our lives, are gifts from God, and as disciples, we are called to take care of them.
We can always be learning new things about health. But two things are key to remember:
—Just reading about healthy habits doesn’t make you healthy. You have to put them into practice.
—There are great, good, and bad (or at minimum, less than helpful) sources of advice. We are each responsible for sifting what is good from what is bad involves discernment.
These principles are just as true — even more so — for our mental health. And an important mental health habit is having good boundaries—healthy limits on our relationships, ourselves, and on our interactions with others.
A boundary can be as simple as saying no to a volunteer commitment (often something good!) to prevent burnout or overextending yourself. It can also be as complicated as putting limits on time spent with a coworker or friend who refuses to or ignores clearly articulated requests.
“Boundaries” are often misunderstood (and misused), especially in our current time of mental health gurus with questionable authority. A new book, Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: Loving Others Without Losing the Best of Who You Are by Christian author Lysa TerKeurst, explores the concept of boundaries from a Christian and mental health perspective.
Good Boundaries and Goodbyes persuasively makes the case that learning to be healthier about boundaries is good not just for our emotional wellbeing, but honoring to God and neighbor.
But that doesn’t make boundaries easy! Far from it. And Terkeurst writes from experience.
She went through a painful divorce after years of her spouse’s addiction issues. Processing her grief during and after helped her realize she lacked healthy boundaries not just in marriage, but in friendships and other relationships.
Good Boundaries and Goodbyes explores what boundaries are, how to understand them, and how to implement them in various situations.
While Terkeurst is not Catholic, nothing in the book is contrary to Catholic teaching. And I appreciated her faith-based perspective, her emphasis on Scripture verses throughout, and her exploration through Scripture of the ways God enacts boundaries with humans as a way to protect and preserve relationships.
“I know part of what makes this complicated is that usually by the time we realize we need boundaries, we are carrying hurt,” Terkeurst writes. “Boundaries aren’t meant to be weaponized. They are meant to be used to prioritize keeping relationships safe.”
Several features makes Good Boundaries and Goodbyes stand out: a section at the end of each chapter called “Let’s Live This,” with Scripture verses to ponder, key quotes to remember, questions for personal reflection, and prayers.
The book also includes multiple sidebars of careful explanation of topics from TerKeurst’s Christian therapist, Jim Cress.
Especially useful is a section at the end of the book containing Q&A style explanations and sample “scripts” in refuting objections to boundaries and the Scriptural and psychological principles that undergirds them.
I’ve written often about how caring for our mental health is vital in living out a full, abundant life. Simply being Catholic or practicing our faith does not guarantee the absence of mental health struggles. We need to educate ourselves and do the hard work of putting what we learn into practice. Good Boundaries and Goodbyes makes that work a little easier.
I really enjoy this series from The Free Press. (I think I shared the one about Marshall McLuhan awhile back.
This entry was written by Tiya Miles, author of All That She Carried. It’s one of G’s favorite books this year. (She’s also an Octavia Butler fan from her sci-fi classes).
I know through J3 that chess ratings are a thing, and an important thing. But I didn’t realize what it was all about until I read this article.
An action item: Practice setting an easy (but not too easy!) boundary
I am making this an action item because I really, really want each of us to practice setting boundaries, starting small, but being very intentional about it.
This week, think ahead and try to set a boundary, and practicing it. It can be as simple as declining requests for donations at the checkout (something seen more and more these days). Bonus points if you have to say “no” to an actual person, rather than at self-checkout. I’m trying to think of other ones that would be easy but still a little uncomfortable, but I’m having trouble with this one.
Let me know if you think of any others!
What are you doing this weekend?
So, now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing:
*faith—when are you going to Mass?
*friends—what friends will you see or connect with?
*food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit?
*fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally).
This is essentially a “from the vault,” and so that’s how it is labeled. I use this term all the time, and here is how it came about. I wanted to share the letter I wrote to this former therapist (I see someone different now, but still really respect and admire her) a couple of years ago as a thank-you. Iit started with her!
There will be at some point a Part 2, and a Part 3 to this (not right away! Eventually!), because I have a lot more to say about this.
Let me say—not for the first time—that I will die on the hill that counseling/therapy, good therapy from well-trained and honorable people, is valuable and worthy.
Remember how much I love you,
Mom
Look At All Those People Taking Care of Themselves (2022)
You may remember that I saw you for counseling about 10-12 years ago. And something you said back then has always stuck with me, and I have shared it many times.
I’ve been grateful to you for years, but only recently did it occur that you probably don’t know the impact those words have had on my life and the lives of those around me. So I’m writing this letter to let you know.
The easiest way is to share an excerpt from a talk I gave to a teen girls’ retreat in 2019. I still have the text on my laptop, so here it is:
—-
Look at all Those People Taking Care of Themselves
Many years ago, I went to counseling to talk over some issues, which was very helpful for me in many ways, and I highly recommend it.
It’s a sign of strength, not weakness, to see help when one needs it.
For several sessions, I kept running into people I would know in the waiting room. Like, nearly every time! At one point I mentioned it kind of sheepishly to my counselor. She said, “When you see the people you know, you might find it helpful to say, “Look at all those people taking care of themselves.”
A person at adoration—look at all those people taking care of themselves.
People eating healthy and having a good balance of physical activity and intellectual stimulation: look at all those people taking care of themselves.
People who practice hobbies and interests—look at all those people taking care of themselves.
People spending time with their loved ones—look at all those people taking care of themselves.
Those people out in nature getting time in God’s creation — look at those people taking care of themselves.
As you go through your life, consider the ways in which you take care of yourself, and those around you do the same. Don’t forget to take care of yourself, and seek help as needed.
—-
In the talk, I shared it with a small group of teen girls & adults. But there have been numerous conversations over the years with pretty much this same message: “Look at all those people taking care of themselves.”
I don’t “broadcast” my struggles with physical health or mental health, but I also don’t hide them in conversations with friends.
And a few times a year, often more, someone near to me will confide in me about a mental health issue that they or a loved one are going through. And I can share my experience of starting counseling many years ago. I share how even when things are going well, I touch base a few times a year for “maintenance”, and more often when needed. Look at me taking care of myself! 🙂
And nearly always, I tell the story of how you told me, “Look at all of those people taking care of themselves.” Almost always, it resonates, as it did to me many years ago.
In that way, I try to encourage the person to either seek help or encourage their loved one to seek help from a well-trained and trusted counselor.
I’m so grateful for that sentence of yours, and I know other people are as well. So, thank you, and God bless you.
And I’m really impressed with the breadth of information, methods, and conversation around NFP. As we like to say, back in my day, Netflix came in the mail!
This was such a moving and also fascinating excerpt from Doris Kearns Goodwin’s newest book, about going through her husband’s boxes from his time in the Kennedy and Johnson administrations.
An action item: Clean out your “junk drawer”
I think I probably have a “junk drawer” in most of the rooms of our house. And I do not clean them out very often. When I do, I find it a very satisfying exercise, as I can rearrange things, usually throw away a ton, and just make a small space look nicer. This week, I will work on the junk drawer in the cabinets in our laundry room.
Which one will you pick in your own place? I promise you’ll feel better after you do it. And don’t overdo this—just set a timer for 10 minutes, work to organize the drawer during then, and tidy up when the timer goes off. You can always do another round tomorrow, or another day.
What are you doing this weekend?
So, now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing:
*faith—when are you going to Mass?
*friends—what friends will you see or connect with?
*food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit?
*fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally).
I heard on a podcast recently (shocking, I know!) that in political discourse, people don’t realize that they are often unwitting assets for a cause or country, even though they are well meaning.
Someone who is an “agent” is a person who fully understands they are advancing “the cause,” whatever that cause is. But an “asset” is like a tool.
(A less kind way to put it is “useful idiot” and you can read more about that here.)
I don’t mean “agent” in a negative way—I consider that a person who is an agent has agency—they are choosing to advocate for a person, cause, or point of view. Being an “asset” is potentially more problematic.
But it got me thinking, where am I an agent, and where might I be an asset?
So, for instance, I am definitely a Catholic agent. I know my faith pretty well, and I want to spread the word about positive things about the Catholic Church and the Catholic faith. (And let’s be clear, I won’t downplay bad things about and within the church.)
I am also an agent for Jane Austen. Start me on the topic of that early 19th century author, and you could be in for a long evening of proselytizing. I could help you choose which Jane Austen novel to read first. I can tell you the movie adaptations that are the best, and steer you away from bad adaptations.
It might be trickier for me to identify where I’m an asset, whether for good or ill. Perhaps it’s where I uncritically repeat a “soundbite” I’ve read or heard about in the news on a topic I perhaps know next to nothing about. The source might be correct, or it might not be.
But I think I do have a responsibility to think critically about things, and not just agree with something because I happen to like the person, or disagree with the person because I happen to loathe someone.
It goes back to having a commitment to the truth, and to finding the truth, even in our own backyards.
I first learned about this nonprofit years ago, but someone referred to it online recently and I remembered how sensible and solid a lot of their information is.
I also played a few games on the group’s “arcade” — fun! I did the insurance one, and it was pretty solid. A good way to learn about personal finance topic.
One game I found super interesting is “Build Your Stax” game. I may want to write a whole post about it. See over “20 years” how your investments would do, based on real data. I wish that had been around when you kids were younger. Do you remember that stock game that was online? Not very helpful in learning about general personal finance.
A YouTube of a podcast interview from a thoughtful CFP about his scaling back so he can spend time with his young family. Here is his blog post that led to the discussion. Worth watching and/or listening to.
So, now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing:
*faith—when are you going to Mass?
*friends—what friends will you see or connect with?
*food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit?
*fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally).
I truly love these “from the vault” so much, and I’m so grateful to myself for writing back when you kids were young. Please consider this when you have a family, or even right now—being able to remember what you were thinking is such a gift!
I can sometimes read “between the lines” in something I might have really been thinking, even if I didn’t write it. For instance, in the recent “you have a very lively family,” I remember that Dad actually used an impolite word (rhymes with “dastard”) instead of “guy” in the sentence “Poor guy.” And I remember not wanting to put a swear word in the blog post all those years ago, and even in the “from the vault” version, I preserved the “poor guy” because it made me smile to remember that detail.
It’s just before the 21st birthday of “Max,” and I was looking through my old blog to see if I had a birthday post. Oddly, I don’t, but I did find a video of him “reading” Chickens to the Rescue which is absolute perfection.
But I had a doula when I was pregnant with Max, and she wrote a letter to him after his birth. She sent that letter to me several weeks after he was born. I thought I would dig it out and share it as a birthday “from the vault.” And wow, do I wish I had had a doula for all of you kids, and that I had a letter like this for each of your births.
Since much of the letter is personal to me and to my labor, I’m not going to share all those details, nor the names. But I will share some of the parts that actually made me laugh out loud—me talking so much! So very “on brand,” Hahahahaha.
One thing that’s missing from the letter is something Dad “remembers” from when Max was born, but I continue to maintain I did not say, and I believe is a “misremember.” That’s because it doesn’t seem characteristic of me or my thinking, now or then. (And no, it wasn’t “I hate you, why did you do this to me!” As supposedly some women say during labor, and I never did).
And even though the “remembered” line was a very funny and self-deprecating statement, my doula didn’t put it in this letter (and believe me, she put in the cute lines and all the talking!). That gives me a strong case to make that my view may be right, and that it was “misremembered”. Kind of like the “memory” one of you has about another family buying you kids your first Keen shoes at Payless Shoe Source.
Remember, on your birthdays and every day—every single day! — how much I love you,
Mom
From the Vault: “I Liked You Right Away!” (April 2003)
Dear “Max,”
I write today with a glad heart at remembering your birth. My work is very fulfilling to me, particularly when I am blessed with parents such as yours to work with. I got to know your Dad a bit before your birth, and your Mom even better as we worked together in some massage sessions. I would spent some time in the sessions with my hands on her belly, saying hello to you. I liked you right away!
So I will tell you what I remember from your Birth Day. I hope someday you find this interesting and useful.
4 a.m. (day of birth) I was awakened with a phone call. Mom’s water had broken and not just a trickle. We talked and decided to talk again after she spoke with (midwife who delivered Max). Water breaking meant that we would be heading into the hospital, regardless of labor beginning.
(Hospital arrival and medical details)
7:30 a.m. It was decided that Mom would try to sleep if she could, as contractions were not that strong. I went home to get my digital camera (that I forgot!) and have breakfast with my family. (Nurse) came on as Mom’s nurse (joy!) as she had been nurse at both of your sisters’ births too.
…
2:00 p.m. Progress! Mom very encouraged… great breathing, and of course, talking! (Wink emoji). I loved Mom’s energy and talking between contractions …a wonderful rhythm. She was so helpful in describing what would help her. That is always wonderful when I can give exactly what a Mom needs most, because she can tell me!! Good for you Mom!
….
4:30 p.m. I was checking in with Mom to see how she was feeling and she said, “I feel like I am 40 now and I can’t handle it!) “(Oh Mom! I think you are progressing!) Labor intensifies.….
….
4:50 p.m. Happy looks were being exchanged knowing that transition was ending and pushing would soon begin. I stay close to Mom, with Dad right at her side, her head cradled in his arms.
5:09 p.m. You are born! Apgars 9 and 9 (good baby!). Placenta delivered shortly after. You had the cord wrapped once around your neck and it was gently lifted while your shoulders wriggled free. (Midwife) had a medical student assisting in the delivery and this was the student’s 1st birth, a great gift that I believe touched her very much.
…
Now I must admit that I snapped a picture of your beautiful face right after you opened your eyes for the first time. How rude of me! I intended to apologize to you when I see you next!
My heartfelt thoughts for a good life,
P.S. I hear your sisters will be pleased you are a boy. They need someone to play “Steve the Crocodile Hunter” with!!
This was such a thoughtful discussion about environmentalism, simple living, and Christianity. It’s quite long, and I’ve not finished the listen yet, but there is so much good philosophical content here!
An action item: Unsubscribe to 10 or more (email) mailing lists
I can’t be the only one who often subscribes to way too many newsletters?
Whether it is stores, Substack newsletters, or more, my default tends to be “subscribe.” It’s a good idea to pare back every so often, but here’s an easy action item for this week: unsubscribe to 10 of them.
Maybe you don’t have 10 that you can unsubscribe from, but I bet you have a few. Set your timer for 5 minutes and see what you can do!
What are you doing this weekend?
So, now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing:
*faith—when are you going to Mass?
*friends—what friends will you see or connect with?
*food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit?
*fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally).
Quick request: I’m going to be writing an upcoming “money advice” newsletter on credit scores. This is based on a conversation I had recently with a younger relative about what goes into a credit score. If you have any questions about credit scores, you can hit “reply” to this email and I will incorporate it into what I write.
Also, remember how much I enjoy getting to answer money-related questions, so feel free to ask me anytime!
Today’s post is a slightly updated version of what I wrote for my personal finance website. The information is solid, and I’m happy I wrote it back then. Yay, 2021 Mom, for writing about this already!
The tl;dr is: keep things simple.
Remember above all that insurance is insurance. Insurance is not investing, funding your retirement, or anything else. Don’t mix it up!
Also? Long term, you don’t want your family’s finances to hinge upon someone not being alive. Life insurance is just for the years when it would be catastrophic to lose a spouse; in that case, life insurance protects your family.
Ideally, you would design your financial life so that your family does not need life insurance as soon as possible (i.e., save aggressively for non-working times, such as retirement.)
At some point, you will be glad that, even if you do still have term life insurance, your family no longer needs it.
Remember how much I love you,
Mom
The Purpose of Life Insurance (Mom’s Occasional Money Advice)
Should you get life insurance? If so, how much? What kind? How do you shop for life insurance?
Insurance—What it is
Insurance is a product that you buy—typically offered by a company—that pays you for things that are damaged, destroyed, or for events that occur.
You can insure just about everything: from your life, your home, your auto, your mobile phone, and even small things like a keyboard, a small appliance, and more.
When does (and doesn’t) it make the most sense to have insurance?
It makes the most sense to have insurance when you cannot easily replace or pay for. And not to insure things that are (relatively) easy to replace.
Here’s an example:
A couple of years ago, I purchased a $47 plug-in radiator/heater to use in a room that is colder than the rest of our house. (By the way, it works really well, and it makes no sound, as do air heaters. I highly recommend). When I purchased it at Wal-Mart, I was offered a $5 two-year “protection plan” to replace the item. That protection plan is insurance.
But that kind of insurance is not a good idea. Why? Well, for one, $5 is more than 10 percent of the purchase price of the item. If the item would fail within a year or two, I would likely contact the manufacturer, or I could easily replace the item. If I had the insurance, I would likely have to prove it somehow, and go through a lot of hoops to prove that the item failed, etc.
When is it a good idea to have insurance?
Let’s look at home insurance. Because a consumer cannot easily replace a house or its contents if there were a fire, a tornado, or some other loss, insurance is a good idea.
There is no cash value to the insurance, and you only have it when you have a need. People who do not own houses do not need home insurance. People who do not own cars do not need auto insurance.
If you sell your house and do not buy another, you could say that you have “lost” all that insurance money paid over the years. But we do not say that, and we do not consider it a “loss,” as the peace of mind knowing if something should happen was worth it.
You buy insurance for things that you cannot easily replace or for catastrophic events (such as death).
So, for example, if you own a home, you have homeowner’s insurance. For one, most mortgage providers require it. But even if your mortgage is paid off, you likely still have home insurance, because replacing a home and its contents would be prohibitively expensive for most people.
Auto insurance is for people how have vehicles, so the vehicle can be repaired or replaced if the driver gets into an accident. Auto insurance can also pay for medical bills stemming from accidents and cover you if you get into an accident with an uninsured driver.
What Does it Mean to Self-Insure?
Let’s go back to my plug-in radiator. Instead of purchasing insurance (the protection plan) for it, I “self insure” for the item. If the radiator failed, I could replace it or do without it. Neither would affect my finances or life greatly. Therefore, I do not need insurance.
This is not true for something like home or auto insurance. Even if state laws or mortgages did not require owners to carry home or auto insurance, it would still be a good idea.
A good rule of thumb: if the protection plan or extended warranty for an item is 5-10 percent or more of the purchase price, it’s not a great idea.
Who Needs Life Insurance
Figure out first if you need life insurance, and then shop around for the right kind for you—typically term life insurance.
The main group of people who need life insurance: Those who rely on their presence and/or income. So, for instance, a married couple with a child or children would want to consider insurance for both spouses.
And even if only one spouse works outside the home, both parents need life insurance.
Consider carefully if your situation requires life insurance, and if you do not need it, you do not have to purchase it.
Who Does Not Need Life Insurance
Who does not need life insurance?
*Those who are too young.
*Children. When the kids were little, it was common to get tons of offers in the mail for children’s life insurance. This may have gone online, but I hope the practice has disappeared!
Kids do not need life insurance. No one depends on their income.
*Those who do not have dependents.
You also do not need life insurance if you have no dependents. If you are a young professional, not married, and on your own, you do not need life insurance.
*Those who can self-insure.
If you are financially independent, you do not need life insurance. Even those without a huge “fortune” can still “self-insure.”
Kinds of Life Insurance
There are two major categories of life insurance:
Permanent Life Insurance
Term Life Insurance
What is permanent life insurance?
Permanent life insurance—often called “whole life insurance”–is like it sounds—it lasts a person’s whole life, meaning it has a cash value. It is basically a forced saving account for a death benefit. (And yes, since this is “mixing” saving and insuring, something I don’t like!)
Whole life insurance is typically much more expensive than term life insurance. It can be up to 10 times the price of a term life policy.
Whole life policies are often complicated. They can include penalties for leaving the policy early, rules for borrowing money from the policy, and more.
There is a place for whole life insurance, such as high net worth individuals or specific business circumstances. But term life insurance is a better choice for most people.
Advantages of whole life insurance
*it has cash value.
*if premiums are paid, the plan lasts for the life of the insured.
Disadvantages of whole life insurance
*very expensive—perhaps 10x as much in premiums as term life insurance.
*complicated in plan options (loans, death benefits, investments within the life)
*can have high fees and commissions that go to the insurance seller, unlike term life insurance.
I don’t think I can emphasize enough how complications and confusions of whole life/permanent life insurance make it unsuitable but just about everyone. But I don’t have to, because others have written about it, notably The White Coat Investor, Dr. Jim Dahle. (This is a solid source of information for “doctors and other high-income professionals”)
If you go to the comments section (get out your popcorn, as one of the commenters said), you’ll see various whole life defenders (those who sell it and “others,” supposedly) make the (confusing) case for it. The White Coat Investor says this in one of the comments when someone talks about removing a non factual comment:
“Why would I remove it? It’s Exhibit A of what this post is talking about. I mean, sure, it’s highly likely to eventually go ad hominem, but those who sell whole life insurance inappropriately and I already have a long standing hatred of each other. They’ve cost doctors millions (billions?) and I’ve cost them millions (billions?) We’re not going to come to terms any time soon.”
Especially for people who are high earners, financial salespeople of various kinds will try to sell whole life insurance. But it’s almost always best to resist.
What is term life insurance?
Term life insurance is life insurance that lasts only as long as its term—typically 20 years and up. This is the type of policy recommended for almost all people who need or desire life insurance.
Term life insurance has no cash value. It covers only the term that you have paid out. So, for instance, someone might take out a 25-year term life insurance policy. As long as the insured continues to pay the monthly premiums, usually a fixed amount, the person maintains coverage for that time. After it is over, the person would need to take out another policy, or at that point be “self-insured.”
Advantages of term life insurance
*relatively inexpensive
*simple concept and operation
*typically, premium and benefit stays the same for the policy term
Disadvantages of term life insurance
*death benefit only lasts for the term (or length of policy)
He explains a concept called “laddering” term life insurance policies to make sure you are covered for a long enough time. He also describes why when you “research” life insurance, you will notice you get a lot of results showing that (not great) information about whole life insurance policies, because there’s more money in that.
How much life insurance?
The amount of life insurance you should get is very personal. Having a policy that you can comfortably afford is a priority, but so is the right amount of coverage for you.
One rule of thumb is to insure for 10 times your annual salary. So, for instance, if you make $50,000 a year, consider pricing $500,000 in life insurance. If you have children, some experts recommend that you increase that amount, but much depends on your comfort with paying a small amount of money for the term life insurance coverage.
Another, more generous calculation of life insurance amount tracks the benefit with 10x total household income. So, for instance, a couple with children, and a combined income of $75,000 could consider insuring each spouse for $750,000. This would provide extra coverage, and it is not a bad idea if it is easily affordable for you.
Key takeaways:
*Determine whether or not you are a good candidate for life insurance. If you are not because you either do not have a need, or can “self-insure,” consider not pursuing life insurance.
*If you need life insurance, contemplate how much you should look for. Consider 10x annual household income as a start. And both spouses should be covered, even if one has a lower income or no income.
*Check to see if your employer offers life insurance as a benefit. Some employers do, and this can be a good way to get covered for free. Some employers will let you add on more coverage, or add on a spouse, to the coverage.
Term insurance is the best choice for most people. It is the simplest and least expensive form of insurance to have, especially if you are relatively young.
[Note: even people with employer-sponsored life insurance may want to consider some term life insurance, since you cannot take employer insurance with you if you leave your job. Locking in a term insurance rate could be helpful for you. ]
What’s the best amount of life insurance? It’s personal, but start with 10x household income and adjust to your situation or budget. Both spouses should be fully covered, even a spouse earning a lower income or not earning income.
If you do get a term life insurance policy, plan to save enough in retirement accounts and elsewhere so that when the term of the term life insurance policy is up, you no longer need life insurance. That should be the goal.
If your children are grown and you are retired, you likely do not need life insurance, and since you are older, the premiums on any policy would likely be prohibitive. Are you comfortable with what you have? Do you have enough income (Social Security, pension, and savings, etc.) to cover your expenses? Have you made a plan and set aside money for your funeral expenses (at minimum)? You do not need life insurance.
You’ve probably already seen this special offers, but it’s fun to see.
An Action Item: Sign up for USPS Informed Delivery
I hope you have finished your taxes, because this week’s action item is something I’ve been encouraging (coercing) family members to sign up for it. Informed Delivery is a free service offered by the US Postal Service (USPS) to send you an email every day with photos of every piece of mail you will receive.
It is super handy, especially for those who might not receive much mail, or who have to retrieve it from a mailroom. I appreciate seeing the emails even when we are on vacation, so I know what to expect when we return and all that mail is delivered. (Interestingly, you still get emails, even when you have a vacation hold on your mail).
It is a relatively quick and easy sign-up.
If you don’t have a USPS account, you’ll need to create one. If you’re eligible for Informed Delivery (maybe kids at college might not be?), you sign up, and then I think in most cases you have to wait to receive a USPS letter in the mail. That letter, which usually arrives within a week or so, will include a code that you enter back at USPS.com, and then you’ll start getting the emails.
That’s it!
What are you doing this weekend?
So, now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? Remember that this weekend is the Triduum, so Good Friday is a day of fast and abstinence. If you’re free Holy Thursday evening, you could make a visit to a church. And Easter is Sunday, yay!
I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing:
*faith—when are you going to Mass?
*friends—what friends will you see or connect with?
*food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit?
*fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally).
