The Mom Weekly

Category: Weekly Newsletter

  • If At First You Don’t Fricassee, Fry, Fry a Hen (From the Vault, May 2007)

    The Mom Weekly Volume 45: June 11, 2024

    Notes: 

    As I re-read this, I can vividly remember how this happened and how I felt all sweaty and irritable after getting the VHS player “just so” between the two front seats. 

    This wasn’t the exact one that we had, but it looks a lot like it. Do you remember it? 

    I also remember my “rule” about “halfway” which I remember even without the prompt of this. I still think this is a great idea, even with today’s proliferation of screens.

    Here’s how it would work: we could only turn on a movie or other video once we had traveled “halfway” for that day. We would wait until halfway through a trip (or a day’s miles, on a longer trip), before putting on a video. Before then, we would read, listen to an audiobook or music for the first half of the trip, to help keep all of you occupied. Then, at halfway through the trip or more, we could put in a video or movie.

    So much has changed in terms of screens and content since that time, but to me the important take-away is having some kind of technology rules in place that are relatively healthy for us. So, for instance, the similar thing would be to not use your phone (especially social media) within 30 minutes of waking up, or 30 minutes before bedtime. One rule I’ve instituted for myself is that I try not to use social media after dinner time. I find my willpower is shot by that time of the day, and even if I set a timer, large chunks of time will go by. That’s when I can play games (Wordle and similar, Connections, crosswords), because they are less “infinite scroll.”

    Anyway, I’m glad that I don’t have to string up a VHS tape player between the seats of the minivan, and that we are all old enough to make our own rules for technology.

    Remember how much I love you,

    Mom 

    If at First You Don’t Fricassee… (May 2007)

    One of the great joys of reading books out loud as a family is the shorthand that develops, or the references we can make to each other about the books that we read, or the experiences we seek based on books we read. The fairy houses made in our backyard after a recent reading (and for some, re-reading) of Elizabeth Orton Jones’ Twig, for instance.

    One of the most hilarious of these happened the other day, when my oldest daughter quoted from Caddie Woodlawn, one of our favorite novels from one of our favorite authors, Carol Ryrie Brink. (Baby Island is the other favorite of this author. I have plans to lobby someone, anyone in the film industry to make a movie of Baby Island, but after watching the perfectly awful, and not at all true to the book, adaptation of Caddie Woodlawn from some years back, I hesitate…)

    In the novel, Caddie’s little brother finds it difficult to memorize even his short little poem (“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again…”). His older brother taunts him with “If at first you don’t fricassee, fry, fry a hen” so much that he freezes at the actual performance and recites the “fry a hen” version instead of the original. The teacher is enraged, until Caddie and the guilty brother explain the situation, and all’s well that ends well.

    Halfway through a long drive to visit my parents (alone with the children), I thought it an excellent time to rig up our portable DVD player to let the kids watch a movie. It was intensely frustrating to get the straps “just so” to make my little movie critics in the back reasonably happy with the set-up, and I have to admit I was doing it with more than the usual amount of “irritable monologue” (a phrase I saw sometime back by another mom and which I have adopted as my own to help me cut down on my own irritable monologue!!).

    When it was all in place and movie was about to start, and I could begin driving again the long hours onward east, dear, dear oldest daughter said encouragingly, “See, Mom, you didn’t give up and you tried different things and you made it work!! Good for you!” 

    Pause while I smiled and realized it really does feel good when someone praises you in a specific way, and resolved to try to do even more of that. Then she said in her adorable 9-year-old voice, “If at first you don’t fricassee, fry, fry a hen!”

    Giggles all around.

    Interesting/notable:

    Daring to Call God Mother–(free link)

    I thought this was beautifully written. I haven’t loved everything the guest author of this piece has done (I think I unfollowed her on social media some time back), but I don’t have to agree with everything someone says to learn from them. Gosh, if people could understand that more.

    The Most Surprising Thing About Deep Dish Pizza? It’s Not That Deep

    Don’t Skimp on Swag—Permanent Equity

    This was really fascinating—allowing employees to pick their own swag makes workplaces safer and better. I wonder how this could be applied to family life? 

    An action item: Re-read a classic kids book

    Sometimes when I re-read kids books from years ago, I worry that a favorite one won’t hold up or “age well.” But what am I afraid of? If it doesn’t, it doesn’t. There are plenty of ones that “do” hold up.

    Here are a few ideas:

    Caddie Woodlawn by Carol Ryrie Brink

    The Penderwicks: A Summer Tale of Four Sisters, Two Rabbits, and a Very Interesting Boy by Jeanne Birdsall

    Understood Betsy by Dorothy Canfield Fisher

    The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett

    Betsy-Tacy by Maud Hart Lovelace

    The Blue Castle by Lucy Maud Montgomery (not really a kids book, but an easy and delightful read)

    What are you doing this weekend?

    So, now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing:

    *faith—when are you going to Mass?

    *friends—what friends will you see or connect with?

    *food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit?

    *fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally).

  • ADHD is Awesome

    ADHD is Awesome

    The Mom Weekly Volume 44: June 4, 2024

    ADHD is Awesome

    That’s the title of a new book by Penn and Kim Holderness, the couple who make funny parody videos and other online content https://theholdernessfamily.com/. We enjoyed watching them win The Amazing Race a few years ago. The couple has been open for years about Penn’s ADHD, and how they manage it, and this book is longer treatment of this. It was a good quick read. I think the last third of the book is the most effective, because they talk about actual strategies for managing ADHD in relationships.

    One sidebar feature of the book is “A Note From Kim” which is about how people who love those with ADHD can be good partners, parents, and friends. I found this quote especially apt:

    It’s taken many years of marriage for me to really understand how Penn’s brain works. I had to learn to not take it personally when he’s on the executive functioning struggle bus. I also have to remind myself that I have my own issues, and he provides me endless grace. Penn never uses his diagnosis as an excuse for bad behavior. He also tries to apologize any time that behavior affects me directly. I think that’s key for a supportive partnership.

    I also loved that Penn is a heavy checklist user, since I am a big checklist fan. As he writes, “As David Allen, author of Getting Things Done, says, “Your mind is for having ideas, not holding them.”

    Putting what you have to do down in a place you can trust to find again (My main digital checklist tools? ToDoist and Google Keep, along with analog lists), is key.

    Penn manages to be realistic without being fatalistic about people with ADHD. On the one hand people who have it can struggle with organization and executive function.

    But he doesn’t make it an all-purpose excuse: “Oops, whatever I did, doesn’t matter because ADHD!” Penn makes the case—because it’s true! — that those with ADHD can improve and thrive, with the right tools: strategies, tools (like lists!) medicine (but not for everyone); and therapy.

    Isn’t that true of all of us? We can improve in many areas, by looking for the right tools and the right strategies and the right help.

    Remember how much I love you,

    Mom

    Interesting/Notable:

    Butterfly In the Sky: The Story of Reading Rainbow 

    When I’m saving this, I have only watched the first few minutes, but this looks lovely. I assume it will hold up.

    Obituary of Michael Sugrue

    Dad & J (and the rest of us) have been having some interesting discussion about this professor: 

    Rhubarb Rap

    I thought this was super cute. And I love rhubarb!

    An action item: Make a List

    I know, I know! Some of us don’t like lists. But honestly, a short list on Apple Reminders or Google Keep could be a good way to capture even one category of something you’d like to accomplish. 

    For instance, you could make a list of phone calls you need to make during the summer—perhaps making needed appointments like for the eye doctor, the dentist, or annual checkups. 

    Or you could set a timer for 5 minutes, and write down in a list (analog or digital) of anything you can think of you might want to do in the next week. Getting those things out of your head and into a reliable list (one you will be able to find and refer to) can really free up your mind for better things!   

    What are you doing this weekend?

    So, now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing:

    *faith—when are you going to Mass?

    *friends—what friends will you see or connect with?

    *food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit?

    *fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally).

  • The Kind of Death to Glorify God (From the Vault, May 2007)

    The Mom Weekly Volume 43: May 28, 2024

    Notes:

    I am not going to downplay how difficult I find it coming to terms with this broken ankle, and not knowing how it will all play out. (For instance, will I or won’t I need surgery? I may find out more tomorrow at an appointment.) I am so grateful I have Dad and all of you to help with so much, and getting me around from place to place. But it is hard, as I am such a “doer” and really like to be active.

    This brought to mind the Scripture perhaps from a few Sundays ago, John 21:15-19. I do not have a lot of bandwidth for writing about things, and I did have something else queued up, but I really wanted to write about it. Then I thought: I’ve written about this Scripture before. But I hadn’t seen it in years. So I dug it out of the vault. While it is very poignant and more than a little bit emotional, I will share it.

    Let me just say that I still consider myself to be many decades from “the end of my life,” as the end of the post says. But what is true is that I’ve had to practice acceptance of my limitations right now, and, less challenging, practice gratitude for all the wonderful help that I am receiving. I also find myself thinking again about how my parents were such a good example of doing the right thing with grace and good spirit, and how wanting to be like them helps me be a moderately cheerful patient right now.

    Thank you so much for all your help and good care, and remember how much I love you,

    Mom

    The Kind of Death to Glorify God (From the Vault, May 2007)

    Yesterday’s Mass gospel reading was John 21: 15-19, in which Jesus asks Peter repeatedly, “Do you love me?” Finally an exasperated Peter replies, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.” The gospel passage concludes:

    ” And Jesus says to him, ‘Feed my sheep. Amen, amen, I say to you, when you were younger, you used to dress yourself and go where you wanted; but when you grow old, you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.’ He said this signifying by what kind of death he would glorify God. And when he had said this, he said to him, “Follow me.”

    As I heard the gospel proclaimed in the early morning yesterday, I was so struck by the statement about “someone else will dress you and lead you…”. John refers to the crucifixion of Peter, but I have often thought about it describing the profound loss of autonomy experienced by so many people towards the end of life. I see this now in my parents, and the suffering that they both experience as a result of their changed life in recent years.

    There has been hospitalization, a move to assisted living, more hospitalization, the continued memory loss and weakening of my mother, and now my mother in a hospice program. My father is daily confronted with the loss of his wife of 53 years. There is so much they have had to give up, and so much they have had to endure. And yet they do it with such grace and good spirits. 

    My mother was smiling and making jokes with me about a tip as I gave her a manicure when I visited earlier this week. My father quietly told me that many people, when they experience memory loss, forget those closest to them. And he told me, as I teared up, “But that has not happened yet with your mother, and I think that shows the strength of the bonds she has with family, and that is a blessing.”

    All I could think was, in what my parents are going through and how they are accepting it, shows: here is a death to glorify God. In some ways, every death can be a death to glorify God; not that death is good, but it is our way to new life after original sin. 

    Accepting what we cannot change can be so difficult, but so vital, especially towards the end of life. And committing oneself to follow Him, no matter where it takes us. It reminds me a little of the prayer in the Stations of the Cross we pray at our parish during Lent. I think they are the ones written by St. Alphonsus Ligouri. There is a line about accepting the manner and the kind of death that comes to us, and it always gives me a chill because it is such abandonment to Jesus and God. I pray because I want that kind of trust and abandonment to God, not because I have it.

    It is easy for me to write about this kind of glorifying God, as a very healthy young person with lots of choices. Mostly, I decide where I will go, and what I will wear, and what I will eat; I am at the height of my faculties. I hope and pray that I will have my parents’ same grace and faith towards the end of my life.

    Interesting/notable:

    Teach Your Children to Love America: Peggy Noonan in the WSJ (gift link)

    I’ve written before about my love the United States, and that love is unironic and real, darn it! I can see the faults and the problems, but we are fortunate, and yes, blessed. 

    A quote from Noonan:

    The manual includes a lot of opinions on historical events. One I liked was the assertion that the Civil War ended the day Ulysses S. Grant was buried in 1885. Why? Because America saw who his pallbearers were: “Johnston and Buckner on one side of his bier, and Sherman and Sheridan upon the other.” The first two were generals of the Confederate army, the last two of the Union Army. Henry Ward Beecher wrote that their marching Grant to his tomb was “a silent symbol that liberty had conquered slavery, and peace war.”

    You come away from that vignette thinking not only “what men,” but “what a country” that could tear itself in two, murder itself, forgive itself, go on.

    What are you doing this weekend?

    So, now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing:

    *faith—when are you going to Mass?

    *friends—what friends will you see or connect with?

    *food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit?

    *fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally).

  • About the Manosphere

    The Mom Weekly Volume 42: May 21, 2024

    Note:

    I’m actually setting aside my previously scheduled weekly because of some current news. I had started to write about this topic, and I’ll share some of this below, but because of my injury the other day (the UK hiking advance team will sadly be returning to the US early), I’m not able to give this as much bandwidth as I otherwise might. That’s why I’m so grateful a number of younger Catholic women have stepped up to address this topic, and I encourage you to read these.

    Remember how much I love you,

    Mom

    About the Manosphere

    The thing going viral recently, at least in Catholic circles? The commencement speech of Harrison Butker at Benedictine College. It’s gotten a lot of press and criticism for so many things. I am almost speechless about how to address this. 

    I really dislike giving oxygen to noxious ideas, and especially when those ideas/takes/etc go viral, but so much of this embarrassed for him and for Benedictine. Oy vey.

    Here is the entire text of it, and you can see how all over the map he is.

    I’m so grateful that quite a few young Catholic women and families have addressed this, and so I don’t have to reinvent the wheel.

    Claire of Letters from a Catholic Feminist had one of the most sensitive and nuanced treatments of it: Am I Being Harrison Butker? This is behind the paywall, but honestly, for anyone who wants to read this, please send me a note (you can just reply to this email and I will get the messages) and I will gift you a month-long subscription so you can read it and her other work. And you might decide to subscribe yourself. She’s just that good.

    Emily Stimpson Chapman removed the paywall from her series on the Catholic Manosphere, with a treatment of the Butler speech.

    Emily Stimpson Chapman—The Heresies of the Manosphere: Part 2.5

    “In small doses, this kind of stuff can seem so silly and fringe. But in online Catholic circles, it is not coming in small doses anymore. There is a deep, unhealthy, and unCatholic reactionary spirit in many corners of the Internet today. And that deep, unhealthy, and unCatholic reactionary spirit is not staying online. It’s bleeding out into the real world, affecting men, women, relationships, and families. This is why I have spent the past month talking about the Manosphere—about what it is and why it’s problematic.”

    What is Red Pill and the Manosphere and Why Catholics Should Care—Two Become Family podcast.

    This is a very engaging conversation from a young married couple about these concepts and why you should pay attention to them—it’s a eally worthwhile listen.

    I think these younger (at least younger than me) Catholics are raising concerns with the manosphere because it’s become much more common in Catholic circles, especially among very young men. And I think that the adults in the room, especially more mature ones—both in years and in emotional maturity—have a responsibility to the boys and young men (and also young women) in our lives to help them understand why this worldview is essentially incompatible with a robust Catholic life, and why it is so bad for them, their loved ones, and any relationships they have.

    What’s so sinister about this is, as Claire Swinarski puts it, the truth is braided in with the lies. And because of that, it becomes very easy for people who have antipathy towards Catholicism have further ammunition to ignore or dislike anything Catholic. And that further divides our culture.

    Anyway, there’s a lot of food for thought here.

    Finally, I noticed that Harrison Butker is 28 years old. He’s a baby! 

    I wouldn’t want the dumbest things I said at 28 years old to be repeated. I am sure I had a lot of goofy ideas about things, but fortunately I did not have a platform to “go viral” not that existed back when I was young. But seeing his tender age, I think, where are the adults in the room? Was the speech vetted or fact-checked in any way?

    Interesting/notable

    The Godfather of American Comedy—interesting profile of Albert Brooks

    An action item:  Make a “Summer List”

    We used to do this when you kids were younger—make a list of all the things that we wanted to do during the summer—what books do you want to read; movies/shows you might want to watch; recipes you want to make; places that you’d like to go.

    I have not yet started one, but I’m setting a timer for two minutes and writing down a few:

    *try out Ardor for lunch (I’ve never been!)

    *half- day hike

    *re-watch Elizabeth Gaskell adaptations (Wives & Daughters, North & South; not Cranford as I did so recently)

    *complete Anthony Trollope’s Palliser novels (I am currently on “The Prime Minister”

    *make something other than pizza in the pizza oven

    *try out sourdough for making pizza dough, naan, and other recipes

    *host a “game afternoon” (or evening) for women friends 

    That’s pretty good for two minutes! I encourage you to give it a try.

    What are you doing this weekend?

    So, now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing:

    *faith—when are you going to Mass?

    *friends—what friends will you see or connect with?

    *food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit?

    *fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally).

  • The Traveling Prayer

    The Traveling Prayer

    The Mom Weekly Volume 41: May 14, 2024

    I thought about titling this weekly “In Praise of Oddly Worded Prayers” because, as you will see, The Traveling Prayer fits into that category. But the story of some of the other prayers, and why I find them endearing, is for another time.

    Dad may have more details to share, but I think he purchased a small Franciscan prayer around the time we first moved to Peoria. And for some reason, the prayer of “use by traveling” for “automobile” became “our thing” as we began any trip, usually trips back East to visit grandparents. And by now it’s a core memory. But I thought that I would offer it here so we can all have it on hand, and not just for the UK hiking advance team on the road (and in the skies!).

    An important note: the more you prayer a particular prayer, especially an oddly worded one, can highlight serious truths.

    For instance, the phrase “after all the successes and failures of this life” has become much more meaningful to me as I get older. As I think back about all the successes and failures in my own life — heck, even the successes and failures of every day! — it makes me realize how important it is the play the “long game.” There are going to be successes. There are going to be failures. What’s important is to keep on after the failures and after the successes.

    Remember how much I love you,

    Mom

    The Traveling Prayer

    Lord God, be well disposed to our prayers, and bless this vehicle with your holy hand. Appoint your angels as an escort over it, who will always shield its passengers and keep them safe from accidents. And as once by your deacon Philip, you bestowed faith and grace upon the Ethiopian seating in his carriage and reading Holy Writ, so also now show the way of salvation to your servants, in order that, strengthened by your grace and every intent upon good works, they may obtain, after all the successes and failures of this life, the certain happiness of life everlasting. Amen.

    Interesting/notable:

    An Open Letter to Student Protestors

    shared with me by one of my sisters.

    Against Sunscreen Absolutism

    An action item: Memorize The Traveling Prayer

    You may have already memorized the Traveling Prayer, but if not, why not give it a try? If you already know it, then consider working on another prayer. There may be prayers you A few ideas:

    Prayer to the Holy Spirit–Pentecost is this Sunday!

    Prayer to St. Michael the Archangel (at this link, there is a different version just below the “classic” one that I find interesting)

    What are you doing this weekend?

    So, now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing:

    *faith—when are you going to Mass?

    *friends—what friends will you see or connect with?

    *food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit?

    *fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally).

  • From the Vault: Happy Birthday, Dear Sir (May 2007)

    From the Vault: Happy Birthday, Dear Sir (May 2007)

    The Mom Weekly Volume 40: May 7

    Notes:

    I especially enjoy these birthday “from the vault” posts. This tells the story of how I started calling Dad “Sir.” Note that the abbreviation “dh” means “dear husband.” I’m not sure if that kind of shorthand is used anymore among the cool kids, but it was “all the thing” back in the day. It was “dh” for dear husband, “dd” for dear daughter, “ds” for son, etc.

    Also, the expression “God grant him many years, God grant him many years, God grant him many blessed years” is an Eastern Catholic expression. You may remember singing it when he have attended Byzantine and other Eastern Catholic liturgies. I couldn’t find the exact tune to the one, but this one is close.

    One other note: I have pre-scheduled some newsletters, since the UK hiking advance team will be traveling and exploring the next few weeks. 🙂

    Remember how much I love you (and Dad!),

    Mom

    From the Vault: Happy Birthday, Dear Sir (May 2007)

    We have our tradition of birthday week in our family. It will be enlisted, and has already been enlisted, to celebrate dh Sir’s birthday today. We returned just a few hours ago from a week with family “back East” and I didn’t get the chance yet to make my traditional birthday pie for him (he prefers pie to cake). Fortunately his mother had a beloved strawberry shortcake for him when we were in NJ over the weekend, and one of his brothers brought a chocolate-raspberry cake from NYC to NJ on Sunday. One of our wedding cake layers was chocolate-raspberry, so that was a kind of early anniversary present for next week.

    Sir loves the ocean, and so I chose this photo of him from this weekend (a cold windy morning pilgrimage with kids to the ocean) for his birthday photo.

    I started calling dh “sir” after he bristled when we were first married at various sweet-sounding endearments. For some reason, he especially disliked “honey.” I can still hear us laughing about it, and me asking, “well, what should I call you then — sir?” and he said: “That sounds good.” 

    People would give me a look when I inadvertently called him “sir” in public, but now enough of our friends know the story to laugh with us, too. I started doing it as a joke, and all these years later it has stuck, in public and without apology. To me, it does sound like an endearment.

    It is too late and I am too sleepy from the long trip back to do proper justice to all the good that he does and is. We have our differences, and our frustrations with one another, but I love him dearly. God grant him many years, God grant him many years, God grant him many blessed years.

    Interesting/notable:

    “Spelling pronunciations”

    What are muscle knots?

    Sourdough Recipes

    I read a recent article about making sourdough bread, and several unusual recipes were shared of ways to use sourdough for things other than bread. It made me think I “might” want to try one of these. Anyone want to talk me out of it?

    King Arthur Sourdough Chocolate Cake

    The Pioneer Woman Sourdough Naan

    An action item: Schedule your annual check-up

    When you kids were little, we were at the pediatrician all the time. (Dr. B.’s “Does Big Bird have ears?” As he looked in your ears Is such a fun memory). Not because you kids were sick, but because there are innumerable milestone appointments for vaccinations, sports physicals, and yearly checkups. And now that Dad & I are older, we are very good about scheduling our annual physicals, mostly because the office schedules them for you before you leave your current appointment.

    But when you’re a young person who’s relatively healthy, it’s easy to let those go by the wayside. But I’m going to encourage you to do so, just to have a reliable primary care provider. And that way, if something does go wrong, or you need to get in to the doctor for something, you have a connection already.

    If you’ve done a yearly checkup recently, do you need a dentist appointment? What about an eye appointment? Take a minute this week to make at least one appointment that is due or overdue.

    What are you doing this weekend?

    So, now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing:

    *faith—when are you going to Mass?

    *friends—what friends will you see or connect with?

    *food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit?

    *fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally).