You can read this, or any other previous Mom Weeklies, by going to the website here.
Birthday From the Vault: Happy Golden Birthday, Homegirl! (October 2006)
Notes:
I cannot believe how much this “from the vault” post describes our very own Homegirl today, and how true to her personality and character it still is, as a young adult.
I honestly feel like I could have written all of the below for this birthday. A love of puzzles? Check. A love of reading? Check. Good at boundaries? Check, check, check.
In case you have forgotten, “God grant her many years” is a saying that Eastern Catholics will say on someone’s birthday.
Remember, on your birthday, and every day, how much I love you,
Mom
Happy Golden Birthday Homegirl!(From the Vault, October 2006)
You are turning six years old today on October 6. Another family we know celebrates golden birthdays, when you turn the age of your date, so we are adopting this tradition. It is an extra special birthday, and I am all for that as I love birthdays (and I’m just sorry that I missed my golden birthday 19 years ago….)
You are sweet and dear and I love you. You enjoy doing puzzles (thus this photo).
You love being read to (we are currently listening to Dr. Doolittle on audiobook, and nighttime reading are the Kit books). Now that you are learning to read, you love reading everything when we are out and about. This can be a bit maddening as Mommy is trying to rush through a store and you are sounding out, “press button to open.”
One of your great qualities is that you are not at all a pushover. Mommy likes to be the “french fry stealer” because she hardly ever orders them for herself, but loves just a few when we get fast food. One day Mom took a few from yours. You looked at me with big eyes and shook your head and said, “No more” And I didn’t take any more!
I hope you always keep this quality. Boundaries are really important, and if you can learn them with french fry-stealing moms now, you’ll be great when it comes to pushy friends or pushy bosses.
God grant her many years, God grant her many years, God grant her many blessed years.
To me, a birthday is a great reason to bake a cake, or frosted brownies, or some other treat. Consider doing that, or at least getting a fun treat at a local bakery!
What are you doing this weekend?
So, now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing:
*faith—when are you going to Mass?
*friends—what friends will you see or connect with?
*food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit?
*fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally).
Newport talked about how more information/news/content is not good for people, and it is important to intentional about both the kind of information we consume, and the way we encounter information/news, akin to Marshall McLuhan’s “the medium is the message.”
“Information is not neutral” Newport says, and I couldn’t agree more.
Part of the reason “intentional information” resonates with me so much is that I have been talking about this and thinking about it for decades.
Back in 2006 I started a blogspot blog (not my first! and not the one that features in “From the Vault”) called “Good Book Best Friend” to “write specifically about books I am reading to myself and books I am reading to my children, or the audiobooks listened to by our whole family.”
As I wrote in the introduction:
“The title of this blog comes from the expression, “A good book is your best friend, and a bad book is your worst enemy.” I’m quite sure I did not always think this was the case, but the more I read I realize how true this is.”
“Not every book is all good or all bad, and I think I am fairly diverse in my reading and even what I read to my children. But knowing how much we are all influenced by what we read, see, hear, I want to be careful and teach my children to be careful, and above all to be discerning. I want my children to be able to read with a critical eye. We want to learn how to take the good from a book and leave behind what is harmful.
I think we can all be trained to do this well, but we don’t have to waste our time on junk, either. That is kind of a revelation for me, too. Until about 10 years ago or so, I always, always, finished every book I started, no matter how much I hated it. Then I realized, I don’t have to finish! That was exciting.”
Good for 2006 me! I’m really proud of what I wrote and thought about back then. Keep in mind, this was written 1. In the thick of our homeschooling days; and 2. just at the very beginning of social media as a concept.
Even the Internet was not so much a part of our world as it is now. I realized that combining Cal Newport’s ideas about “intentional information” with my principle of “a good book is your best friend,” could create a kind of “Good Book Best Friend Theory of Everything” to help people think about how they consume content, create content, and live in the world. Some of those principles:
—a good book is your best friend, and a bad book is your worst enemy.
There is some content, a lot of content, that is actively bad for you. You probably have a good idea of what that is—some of it is bad for everyone, full stop, and other content may be bad for a person who is sensitive to certain concepts.
—being active in the world > (is greater than) viewing or reading about people being active.
Whether it is traveling, cooking, spending time with friends, being active in a club, it’s much more satisfying to do than to watch or read about. Having said that, I’ve gotten great inspiration and motivation by seeing what others do, whether it’s a recipe emailed or texted to me by Dad, some random physical therapy exercises on Instagram, or an idea I’ve gotten from a podcast.
—local news and connections > (is greater than) getting outraged about politics or world events.
This is self-explanatory. I find it much better for my overall well-being to reduce the amount of news I consume. At the same time, I do want to have a balanced view of things, which is why I try to seek a range of different media sources. I also should be better at keeping up with local news, and being involved in my local community. Since we are still some time away from Election Day, I am going to make a note to find out what’s on the local/state ballot, who’s running for what locally, and decide who I want to vote for locally.
—creating content > consuming content.
Creating content, even if only for yourself or your family and friends (like The Mom Weekly, naturally!) is much more active and engaged. It may not be “fun” in the moment—though it can be— but it’s really worthwhile, and for me creates more happiness.
—digital Sabbaths can be a great idea.
I heard on a podcast someone saying that he put his phone in a drawer at the beginning of the weekend, and it was hard but wonderful. He said he could still go on the Internet, but he needed to do so on his computer. He could still watch a show on an actual TV. But the default was not “the computer in his pocket,” and so what he did became much more varied through the weekend.
I’d love to try this, even on Sunday afternoons. I may even do it from time to time, but having a rule (“the phone goes in a different room from 1-5 p.m. on Sundays”) could be helpful for me.
What would you add to this list? The more I think about this, the more I can add, but I’d love to hear what you would add to this.
This is a group run by women for women under the umbrella of the White Coat Investor. I find WCI’s information pretty solid, and they’ve gotten
In case you’re reading this the day it goes out, the FEW will be hosting a virtual presentation on Wednesday, September 11th, at 5:30 pm MT.
Christine Benz, the director of personal finance for Morningstar, will be speaking. I’ve heard her interviewed on podcasts, and I’d love to be able to join in, as when I’ve joined in previously, there’s a good chance to ask questions and learn a lot. from other women who are interested in personal finance.
Related to this week’s topic, this Substack post has useful ideas for how to schedule a time of unplugging from devices and the Internet
An Action Item: Start Thinking About the Holidays
We are heading into quite a few holidays, from birthdays to Thanksgiving, Advent, and Christmas. Take a few minutes this week—I will too!—to look ahead at the calendar. Some ideas of what you might consider:
—things you want to do
—presents you might want to get/give
—traditions you want to continue or discontinue
—foods or treats you might want to make or have
Let me know, or others if it involves others, so that we can make sure these things happen!
What are you doing this weekend?
So, now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing:
*faith—when are you going to Mass?
*friends—what friends will you see or connect with?
*food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit?
*fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally).
I love “From the Vault” so much. I wonder if you kids remember any of these happenings. I don’t think I would if I hadn’t written them down at the time!
Remember how much I love you,
Mom
From the Vault: The Epic of Gilgamesh (May 2007)
A month or so ago, we had a taste of The Epic of Gilgamesh in our history book, The Story of the World, by Susan Wise Bauer. This is an excellent series and I’m so glad we can use it as the “spine” of our study of history.
The accompanying activity guide has not just lots of fun hands-on activities and worksheets, many of which we do in our once-a-month co-op, but also lists for each chapter of well-selected extra literature selections.
Many are picture books, but they are so well-done all ages would enjoy them. I usually send a huge email about once a month to Glenda, our terrific interlibrary loan lady, an email filled with these books for about 3-4 chapters at at time, and we have a great time going through them when they come in from the library. Usually Homegirl runs off with six or seven of them, and I will read one or two to the others. Then we have lots of interesting reads for the upcoming days.
Update: I did purchase the books, and I still have them!
Her illustrations are compelling; fierce and beautiful at the same time. She also wrote the words and her way with words is wonderful.
The Epic of Gilgamesh dates from about 2700 B.C., thousands of years before Christ. It tells the story of the Gilgamesh, a wicked but powerful king who learns about friendship and self-giving love by meeting his match in the equally strong but kind Enkidu. The themes of love, death, immortality and other “kid-friendly” themes (ha!) are part of all these books, and the children and I just loved them, and loved discussing them.
Now, I am the kind of reader who reads straight. I tend not to ask kids questions while I read. I will pause at certain times, explain occasionally, but really want to read the story itself. I always answer questions, but I tend to be pretty no-nonsense in my reading style. Sir could not be more different–I will suggest a short, short book to read to children late at night when I just want a quick read and off to sleep, and he will draw it out for hours (ok., I’m exaggerating). But I do kind of admire how much he can draw out of the simplest text.
This trilogy made it very easy for me to pause and discuss. The illustrations are so detailed we had to stop for awhile at each page. Every page brought up “big questions”. The last page in The Revenge of Ishtar reads,
“As Enkidu and Shamat flew into the night,
King Gilgamesh went out alone onto the river.
‘Death is the worst monster in the world,’
he thought. It has taken Enkidu from me.
Someday it will take me from my people.
I must find a way to destroy it.
I must seek out the secret of immortality.’
‘That will be my last quest.’ “
On this page, little 3-year-old Max began spontaneously a discussion about how Jesus killed death (his major theme at the moment), and the girls had to point out that Gilgamesh lived (or was written, as I told them, because it is a story and not history) thousands of years before Jesus. So we talked about how all people throughout time have talked about and wondered about all these things–life, death, love, and what to think about them. We talked about how grateful we are to have the fullness of faith and truth Jesus brings us, but people have always sought answers to these questions and sought the good and the meaning of everything. I wish I could have had a tape recorder going because I was floored by how insightful these three children, all under 10, could discuss these “big things.”
I don’t think it was necessarily how smart they are (though of course they are all above average :-)), but just a good book inspiring great discussion.
I feel so grateful to be learning alongside my children with so many great resources. Thank you, Ludmila Zeman!
Interesting/Notable:
Look at all those people taking care of themselves:
The tl:dr: Don’t be too annoyed when you get rid of something and you wish you had kept it. You can’t have both a peaceful, moderately uncluttered house, and also keep absolutely everthing. Not deciding to get rid of things is deciding, and can lead to problems!
We haven’t had a Roth IRA item in awhile. So let’s take a moment to do two things related to Roths. As written previously , it’s easy to open and maintain a Roth IRA. The only requirements for contributing to a Roth IRA are: one: having a Roth IRA account two: earned income and three: not too much earned income (as the ability to contribute to a Roth phases out at higher income levels. There are even ways to get around that, but let’s stick with the simple for now).
One: check that you are funding your Roth this year.
How much have you contributed this year so far? If you have an auto-deposit set up for this, would you like to bump it up by some amount ($10, $100, etc.) monthly before the end of the year? Recall that the 2024 limits for Roth contributions is $7,000 for people under 50 ($8,000 for those 50 and up).
Two: Make sure you are investing the funds in your Roth IRA.
It might be in cash or a cash equivilant. Don’t worry, we’ve all done this. That’s better than not having a Roth, but the beauty of Roth earnings is they are never taxed. So the sooner you can get it into a low-cost index fund or ETF, the better.
Some ideas for low-cost ETFs/index funds that passively index the entire stock market—these all have basically the same returns:
If you need any help with any of this, or have any Roth-related questions, just let me know. I love answering these kinds of questions!
What are you doing this weekend?
So, now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing:
*faith—when are you going to Mass?
*friends—what friends will you see or connect with?
*food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit?
*fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally).
As I re-read this, I can vividly remember how this happened and how I felt all sweaty and irritable after getting the VHS player “just so” between the two front seats.
I also remember my “rule” about “halfway” which I remember even without the prompt of this. I still think this is a great idea, even with today’s proliferation of screens.
Here’s how it would work: we could only turn on a movie or other video once we had traveled “halfway” for that day. We would wait until halfway through a trip (or a day’s miles, on a longer trip), before putting on a video. Before then, we would read, listen to an audiobook or music for the first half of the trip, to help keep all of you occupied. Then, at halfway through the trip or more, we could put in a video or movie.
So much has changed in terms of screens and content since that time, but to me the important take-away is having some kind of technology rules in place that are relatively healthy for us. So, for instance, the similar thing would be to not use your phone (especially social media) within 30 minutes of waking up, or 30 minutes before bedtime. One rule I’ve instituted for myself is that I try not to use social media after dinner time. I find my willpower is shot by that time of the day, and even if I set a timer, large chunks of time will go by. That’s when I can play games (Wordle and similar, Connections, crosswords), because they are less “infinite scroll.”
Anyway, I’m glad that I don’t have to string up a VHS tape player between the seats of the minivan, and that we are all old enough to make our own rules for technology.
Remember how much I love you,
Mom
If at First You Don’t Fricassee… (May 2007)
One of the great joys of reading books out loud as a family is the shorthand that develops, or the references we can make to each other about the books that we read, or the experiences we seek based on books we read. The fairy houses made in our backyard after a recent reading (and for some, re-reading) of Elizabeth Orton Jones’ Twig, for instance.
One of the most hilarious of these happened the other day, when my oldest daughter quoted from Caddie Woodlawn, one of our favorite novels from one of our favorite authors, Carol Ryrie Brink. (Baby Island is the other favorite of this author. I have plans to lobby someone, anyone in the film industry to make a movie of Baby Island, but after watching the perfectly awful, and not at all true to the book, adaptation of Caddie Woodlawn from some years back, I hesitate…)
In the novel, Caddie’s little brother finds it difficult to memorize even his short little poem (“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again…”). His older brother taunts him with “If at first you don’t fricassee, fry, fry a hen” so much that he freezes at the actual performance and recites the “fry a hen” version instead of the original. The teacher is enraged, until Caddie and the guilty brother explain the situation, and all’s well that ends well.
Halfway through a long drive to visit my parents (alone with the children), I thought it an excellent time to rig up our portable DVD player to let the kids watch a movie. It was intensely frustrating to get the straps “just so” to make my little movie critics in the back reasonably happy with the set-up, and I have to admit I was doing it with more than the usual amount of “irritable monologue” (a phrase I saw sometime back by another mom and which I have adopted as my own to help me cut down on my own irritable monologue!!).
When it was all in place and movie was about to start, and I could begin driving again the long hours onward east, dear, dear oldest daughter said encouragingly, “See, Mom, you didn’t give up and you tried different things and you made it work!! Good for you!”
Pause while I smiled and realized it really does feel good when someone praises you in a specific way, and resolved to try to do even more of that. Then she said in her adorable 9-year-old voice, “If at first you don’t fricassee, fry, fry a hen!”
I thought this was beautifully written. I haven’t loved everything the guest author of this piece has done (I think I unfollowed her on social media some time back), but I don’t have to agree with everything someone says to learn from them. Gosh, if people could understand that more.
This was really fascinating—allowing employees to pick their own swag makes workplaces safer and better. I wonder how this could be applied to family life?
An action item: Re-read a classic kids book
Sometimes when I re-read kids books from years ago, I worry that a favorite one won’t hold up or “age well.” But what am I afraid of? If it doesn’t, it doesn’t. There are plenty of ones that “do” hold up.
So, now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing:
*faith—when are you going to Mass?
*friends—what friends will you see or connect with?
*food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit?
*fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally).
I am not going to downplay how difficult I find it coming to terms with this broken ankle, and not knowing how it will all play out. (For instance, will I or won’t I need surgery? I may find out more tomorrow at an appointment.) I am so grateful I have Dad and all of you to help with so much, and getting me around from place to place. But it is hard, as I am such a “doer” and really like to be active.
This brought to mind the Scripture perhaps from a few Sundays ago, John 21:15-19. I do not have a lot of bandwidth for writing about things, and I did have something else queued up, but I really wanted to write about it. Then I thought: I’ve written about this Scripture before. But I hadn’t seen it in years. So I dug it out of the vault. While it is very poignant and more than a little bit emotional, I will share it.
Let me just say that I still consider myself to be many decades from “the end of my life,” as the end of the post says. But what is true is that I’ve had to practice acceptance of my limitations right now, and, less challenging, practice gratitude for all the wonderful help that I am receiving. I also find myself thinking again about how my parents were such a good example of doing the right thing with grace and good spirit, and how wanting to be like them helps me be a moderately cheerful patient right now.
Thank you so much for all your help and good care, and remember how much I love you,
Mom
The Kind of Death to Glorify God (From the Vault, May 2007)
Yesterday’s Mass gospel reading was John 21: 15-19, in which Jesus asks Peter repeatedly, “Do you love me?” Finally an exasperated Peter replies, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.” The gospel passage concludes:
” And Jesus says to him, ‘Feed my sheep. Amen, amen, I say to you, when you were younger, you used to dress yourself and go where you wanted; but when you grow old, you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.’ He said this signifying by what kind of death he would glorify God. And when he had said this, he said to him, “Follow me.”
As I heard the gospel proclaimed in the early morning yesterday, I was so struck by the statement about “someone else will dress you and lead you…”. John refers to the crucifixion of Peter, but I have often thought about it describing the profound loss of autonomy experienced by so many people towards the end of life. I see this now in my parents, and the suffering that they both experience as a result of their changed life in recent years.
There has been hospitalization, a move to assisted living, more hospitalization, the continued memory loss and weakening of my mother, and now my mother in a hospice program. My father is daily confronted with the loss of his wife of 53 years. There is so much they have had to give up, and so much they have had to endure. And yet they do it with such grace and good spirits.
My mother was smiling and making jokes with me about a tip as I gave her a manicure when I visited earlier this week. My father quietly told me that many people, when they experience memory loss, forget those closest to them. And he told me, as I teared up, “But that has not happened yet with your mother, and I think that shows the strength of the bonds she has with family, and that is a blessing.”
All I could think was, in what my parents are going through and how they are accepting it, shows: here is a death to glorify God. In some ways, every death can be a death to glorify God; not that death is good, but it is our way to new life after original sin.
Accepting what we cannot change can be so difficult, but so vital, especially towards the end of life. And committing oneself to follow Him, no matter where it takes us. It reminds me a little of the prayer in the Stations of the Cross we pray at our parish during Lent. I think they are the ones written by St. Alphonsus Ligouri. There is a line about accepting the manner and the kind of death that comes to us, and it always gives me a chill because it is such abandonment to Jesus and God. I pray because I want that kind of trust and abandonment to God, not because I have it.
It is easy for me to write about this kind of glorifying God, as a very healthy young person with lots of choices. Mostly, I decide where I will go, and what I will wear, and what I will eat; I am at the height of my faculties. I hope and pray that I will have my parents’ same grace and faith towards the end of my life.
I’ve written before about my love the United States, and that love is unironic and real, darn it! I can see the faults and the problems, but we are fortunate, and yes, blessed.
A quote from Noonan:
The manual includes a lot of opinions on historical events. One I liked was the assertion that the Civil War ended the day Ulysses S. Grant was buried in 1885. Why? Because America saw who his pallbearers were: “Johnston and Buckner on one side of his bier, and Sherman and Sheridan upon the other.” The first two were generals of the Confederate army, the last two of the Union Army. Henry Ward Beecher wrote that their marching Grant to his tomb was “a silent symbol that liberty had conquered slavery, and peace war.”
You come away from that vignette thinking not only “what men,” but “what a country” that could tear itself in two, murder itself, forgive itself, go on.
What are you doing this weekend?
So, now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing:
*faith—when are you going to Mass?
*friends—what friends will you see or connect with?
*food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit?
*fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally).
I especially enjoy these birthday “from the vault” posts. This tells the story of how I started calling Dad “Sir.” Note that the abbreviation “dh” means “dear husband.” I’m not sure if that kind of shorthand is used anymore among the cool kids, but it was “all the thing” back in the day. It was “dh” for dear husband, “dd” for dear daughter, “ds” for son, etc.
Also, the expression “God grant him many years, God grant him many years, God grant him many blessed years” is an Eastern Catholic expression. You may remember singing it when he have attended Byzantine and other Eastern Catholic liturgies. I couldn’t find the exact tune to the one, but this one is close.
One other note: I have pre-scheduled some newsletters, since the UK hiking advance team will be traveling and exploring the next few weeks. 🙂
Remember how much I love you (and Dad!),
Mom
From the Vault: Happy Birthday, Dear Sir (May 2007)
We have our tradition of birthday week in our family. It will be enlisted, and has already been enlisted, to celebrate dh Sir’s birthday today. We returned just a few hours ago from a week with family “back East” and I didn’t get the chance yet to make my traditional birthday pie for him (he prefers pie to cake). Fortunately his mother had a beloved strawberry shortcake for him when we were in NJ over the weekend, and one of his brothers brought a chocolate-raspberry cake from NYC to NJ on Sunday. One of our wedding cake layers was chocolate-raspberry, so that was a kind of early anniversary present for next week.
Sir loves the ocean, and so I chose this photo of him from this weekend (a cold windy morning pilgrimage with kids to the ocean) for his birthday photo.
I started calling dh “sir” after he bristled when we were first married at various sweet-sounding endearments. For some reason, he especially disliked “honey.” I can still hear us laughing about it, and me asking, “well, what should I call you then — sir?” and he said: “That sounds good.”
People would give me a look when I inadvertently called him “sir” in public, but now enough of our friends know the story to laugh with us, too. I started doing it as a joke, and all these years later it has stuck, in public and without apology. To me, it does sound like an endearment.
It is too late and I am too sleepy from the long trip back to do proper justice to all the good that he does and is. We have our differences, and our frustrations with one another, but I love him dearly. God grant him many years, God grant him many years, God grant him many blessed years.
I read a recent article about making sourdough bread, and several unusual recipes were shared of ways to use sourdough for things other than bread. It made me think I “might” want to try one of these. Anyone want to talk me out of it?
When you kids were little, we were at the pediatrician all the time. (Dr. B.’s “Does Big Bird have ears?” As he looked in your ears Is such a fun memory). Not because you kids were sick, but because there are innumerable milestone appointments for vaccinations, sports physicals, and yearly checkups. And now that Dad & I are older, we are very good about scheduling our annual physicals, mostly because the office schedules them for you before you leave your current appointment.
But when you’re a young person who’s relatively healthy, it’s easy to let those go by the wayside. But I’m going to encourage you to do so, just to have a reliable primary care provider. And that way, if something does go wrong, or you need to get in to the doctor for something, you have a connection already.
If you’ve done a yearly checkup recently, do you need a dentist appointment? What about an eye appointment? Take a minute this week to make at least one appointment that is due or overdue.
What are you doing this weekend?
So, now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing:
*faith—when are you going to Mass?
*friends—what friends will you see or connect with?
*food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit?
*fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally).
