You can read this, or any other previous Mom Weeklies, by going to the home page here.
The Saint Andrew Christmas Novena
This has become a yearly reminder, but I genuinely enjoy this Christmas novena as an Advent practice, and so I’m going to share again.
The St. Andrew Christmas novena begins this Sunday, November 30 (someone special’s birthday!) This year, it actually falls on the first Sunday of Advent this year, which is even more appropriate. And even if you’re reading this after November 30, you can jump in any time.
The St. Andrew Novena is an interesting novena. It starts on the feast of St. Andrew, which is November 30, and ends on December 24. You are meant to pray the pray 15x a day. You can read about it here on the Hallow website.
Now, 15 times a day may seem like a lot, but it’s quite manageable. Here’s how I do it: I have an album in 15 photos of different artist versions of the prayer. Some are repeated. What I do is “favorite” a prayer once I’ve said it, and come back to the album when I have a chance. Once all of the photos are favorited, I’m finished for the day. The next day, I remove them from favorites, and so on, through the novena. It’s worked really well for me. A few years ago, I decided to create my own. I quickly created five different ones in a graphic design program, and they are now part of the album.
Here’s a screenshot of my album of St. Andrew Novenas (still labeled 2023–need to update that!):
Here are a couple of individual ones that you can save if you would like:
This is a good yearly reminder to double-check beneficiaries on your IRAs, 401(k)s, and other accounts. There have been quite a few stories about people having an old girlfriend or former spouse as a beneficiary, and that person gets a sizable nest egg. It’s really important to check and be sure your beneficiaries are what you want, as the beneficiaries of IRAs and other retirement accounts supersede any will or estate plan.
Even though we have done this, I still double-check! It’s helpful. I will also say that the annoying thing is that we cannot divide the amount equally between three children. Everyone has to have a percentage, and so two get 33 percent and one gets 34 percent. Just so you know, it doesn’t mean the person with 34 percent is the favorite child—you are each the favorite child, but don’t tell the others—I think I’ve tried to alternate who gets the “bigger” inheritance with different accounts.
Dad alerted me to the Peggy Noonahn column, and it is very sobering. I believe that people who prey on those who are vulnerable—in this case, young women with troubled family backgrounds— will have a lot to answer for.
You can read this, or any other previous Mom Weeklies, by going to the home page here.
Notes:
I am writing this note early Saturday morning, before I go to the second day of a local retreat. I want to get this out before the retreat content actually begins later this morning. That’s because I want to clarify that I am not giving away any confidences or any privileged information. Often on retreats people can really share from their hearts, so I want to confirm that I would never share any of that, because I am writing this before the retreat actually begins.
The first evening, everyone got a chance to introduce themselves and talk about what they hoped to get out of the retreat. One man talked about how on this retreat we need to be like Mary (of Mary & Martha), because she “sat at the feet of Jesus” and “she said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.”
Internally, I got more than a little annoyed on behalf of St. Martha. Martha was the one who had the profession of faith at the death of Lazarus! Martha, who is a saint! Martha, who had her very own feast day—July 29—until 2021, and she now has to share the feast day with her two siblings, Lazarus and Mary! (Perhaps Martha can also be the patron of siblings?)
Anyway, when the time came for me to introduce myself, I said, “I don’t mean to disagree with you, but I’m Team Martha, because she was also great, and she loved our Lord.” I was kind of proud of holding back from correcting the very sincere and nice man about who said, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” I didn’t think that would be the best way to start off a retreat!
Anyway, it reminded me of my portion of a talk that Dad and I gave during a retreat for young people many years ago. I was really proud of my defense of St. Martha then, and so I’m going to include it here (edited to include only the Mary/Martha parts) and title it “Team Martha.”
Team Martha (From the Vault, 2019)
Cool note: this Vermeeer painting , Christ in the House of Martha and Mary,is in the Scottish National Gallery in Edinburgh!
I identify strongly with one of the people in this Scripture passage, and I am going to let you consider/guess which one:
The Gospel of Luke, Chapter 10:
As they continued their journey he entered a village where a woman whose name was Martha welcomed him. She had a sister named Mary who sat beside the Lord at his feet listening to him speak.
Martha, burdened with much serving, came to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me by myself to do the serving? Tell her to help me.”
The Lord said to her in reply, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and worried about many things. There is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part and it will not be taken from her.”
…..One of my takeaways for you today is:
Love is … and love does.
In case you didn’t know, I identify almost 100 percent with Martha. And this is true in all aspects of my life, but in my spiritual life.
Now, this can be good, because the structure of the “doing” helps me to devote time to my relationship with Jesus. But it’s not how everyone experiences their faith.
There’s a great quote from a book I’ve been reading recently in adoration. It’s called Live Today Wellby Fr. Thomas Dailey, and it’s about the spirituality of St. Francis de Sales.
“With so many things calling for our attention, we often run the risk of doing more than being.”
I can fall into this trap, so I need to branch out in my spiritual life to contemplation more. But I also realize that God wants me to love him in many different ways.
Did you know that the last word on Martha was not Jesus giving her a rebuke for “doing too much?” Let’s turn to John Chapter 11, the raising of Lazarus. Recall that Lazarus had died, and Jesus was not there. It was days later when he finally went to Bethany.
And note that Martha—MARTHA!— is the one who has an amazing act of faith in Jesus and his work.
When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went out to meet him, but Mary sat at home.
Martha said to Jesus, “Lord, if you had been here my brother would have not died. But even now I know that whatever you ask of God, God will give to you.”
Jesus said to her, “Your brother will rise.” Martha said to him, “I know he will rise, in the resurrection on the last day.”
Jesus told her, “I am the resurrection and the life; whoever believes in me, even if he dies, will live, and everyone who lives and believes in me, even if he dies, will live, and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe that?”
She said to him, “Yes, Lord, I have come to believe that you are the Messiah, the Son of God, the one who is coming into the world.”
I always feel vindicated when I read or hear this Scripture. And if I’m reading that passage aloud, I have trouble getting through Martha’s response to Jesus without crying. Martha was the one who went out to meet Jesus, and Mary stayed at home. Yay for all Marthas!
But Mary was also part of this, and even poor Lazarus. Everyone has his or her role to play, and everyone has a different way to love Jesus.
That is one big thing that I have learned, and I would leave with you. Whatever your vocation, whether it is to married life, or to religious life, as you live as a single person, everyone will not be like you, and that is okay.
You may be like me, a Martha, and the people closest to you may be like like a John, the beloved disciple, or a Mary, or a St. Peter, or a St. Therese, or a St. Francis.
And of course no one is exactly like one of these saints from the past. Recognizing the differences in each other, and trying to love each other in both the way we feel more comfortable, and the way the people around you receive love best, will be a gift to them, and to your relationship.
An Action Item: Consider the Christ the King Novena
The end of the liturgical year is drawing near, and that means one of Dad’s favorite feast days in the year—Christ the King, is upon us! It is November 23 this year— before Thanksgiving.
There is a novena to Christ the King that is traditional around this time of year. This year, the novena starts November 14, and runs through November 22. Here is a link to the novena on the USCCB website. Consider praying it!
(Also related: I am trying to encourage many to pray the St. John Paul II Novena for Healing for the upcoming surgery in our family. It starts today, November 11, and runs through November 19, the day before the surgery. Here is that novena in case you want to join in.)
You can read this, or any other previous Mom Weeklies, by going to the home page here.
Notes
Your Mom’s Birthday Week is well underway! I am happy to be celebrating all week long, and so grateful for all of you and what a full life I have because you are part of it.
I love this “Frrom the Vault” because I still hold these views about confession, and these views about raising spiritually healthy kids.
Remember how much I love you,
Mom
Moments of Grace (From the Vault, December 2009)
The girls and I decided to go to confession Saturday after Sir told us that he had gone to a downtown parish for confession and Mass earlier that week. It was so nice to hear that Sir had gone because it gave me an opening to suggest it to the girls, and they readily agreed. Ideagirl reported that in Atrium they had talked about how Advent was a good time to go to confession. I was so glad for that reinforcement, too.
I still would like to have a regular time for confession. I go regularly-ish, but getting the kids there on a regular basis is not a part of the schedule, and I am frustrated by it. I used to take the girls bike-riding to Church for first Saturday and the confession that was offered after Mass, but the confession time is no longer offered.
I know that confession is such a personal thing, and I don’t want to force it. Yet I want to inspire in our kids when they are young that it is normal and usual to go regularly, so they will hopefully have that habit when they are on their own. We also talk about how sometimes we feel good when we come out, and sometimes we don’t, but we do always have the graces of the sacrament.
I don’t want anyone have an experience like I know some people have had, of going to a bad confession (confessor or whatever) and then not going back to the sacrament for a long time.
I try to tell kids that you can have a good or bad experience sometimes, but that keeping going in the important thing. That’s also the same for Mass. This is actually part of my much larger theory of trying to raise spiritually healthy Catholics, a theory very much in flux but in avid conversation with Sir.
Anyway, before we left on Saturday, we were all having a quick cup of tea, we were talking about how long it had been for the girls (we were thinking about 2 months), and then trying to encourage an examination of conscience. And I was moved, almost to tears, by our casual banter about confession.
There was much lighthearted joking about the lists we had all made for each other of our sins. Ideagirl was laughing as she said that my list was so large she had to store it in the attic, but she would be happy to go and get it for me. I know it may not seem like a moment of grace—some people may be offended by joking about sins or confession—but it was all lighthearted and loving, and I felt it as a moment of grace.
At church more moments of grace—Ideagirl and Homegirl starting to bicker because of who would go after me (both wanted me to go first), and Ideagirl deferring to Homegirl. It was so big girl of her, I was just touched again.
When Homegirl came out of confession, after she said her penance she immediately turned to me to whisper, “What did you get (for your penance)?” Her eyes went wide because mine was 40 percent larger than hers, but we both recognized that was probably because I was a Mommy.
As we walked back to the van, (too cold for bike riding, or even walking that day), we chatted about confession and starting to talk about their first Confessions and how much better we feel after we go to Confession.
All grace.
An Action Item: Consider Going to Confession
As I request every year around my birthday, I’d like you to consider going to confession. It’s really a birthday tradition for me, both going to confession, and asking others to go.
I paused before requesting this this year, as some of us this summer had a long discussion about scrupulosity and how a tendency toward that can make confession fraught. But reading what I wrote above made me realize that I did have a good perspective all those years ago about wanting to raise spiritually healthy Catholics.
Also, it’s been a pretty consistent desire of mine, to want people to have a healthy relationship with confession, and go often. So I’m sticking with it!
Most of this is behind the paywall, but it’s honestly worth subscribing just to read. This article was published in the week after Charlie Kirk’s murder, but I find it still highly relevant.
One quote:
If you are a person with a big heart who cares about the world, as I know most of you are, events like the murder of Charlie Kirk will quickly make you feel utterly unhinged if you are not moving carefully through the world with your eyes on Jesus, doing intentional work to be in charge of your own emotional responses.
You can read this, or any other previous Mom Weeklies, by going to the home page here.
Notes:
This weekly is based on yet another song. I thought for a minute: Hey! I have been sharing a lot of songs in recent months. If you are concerned that The Mom Weekly is turning into a song sharing platform, fear not. I have plenty of things to say!
But it’s not he worst thing to share (or overshare) some of the great songs and quotes that give me joy, comfort, and delight. Often, others can say things in song that we find hard to articulate ourselves.
Remember how much I love you,
Mom
Pencil in the Hand
Last Friday was the feast day of Mother Teresa of Calcutta.
At the daily Mass I happened to go to on Friday, the priest (Fr. W!) spoke about St. Teresa and read some of her quotes. He read the one about Mother Teresa saying she was a “pencil in the hand” of God.
I am pretty sure that I can sing parts of any number of Popple songs from memory, including “Middle School Love Song,” “Puppy Dog,” “We’re Getting Loud,” and, of course, “Pencil in the Hand.”
Popple broke up a long time ago (amicably, I believe, as the two young men were starting families and on to other projects). But thanks to the wonder of Spotify, you, too, can go down memory lane and listen to some of these delightful songs again.
Listening to this self- described “Catholic acoustic humor folk beard rock duo” reminded me of a story I’ve told many times, about re-listening to some of my college favorites decades after college, and thinking, gosh, some of these songs are really depressing! So I don’t listen to some of them anymore. And that’s one reason that I truly enjoy praise and worship music (like “The Blessing”). Everyone is different in the things that they like and things that give them enjoyment. Popple is one of mine.
I’m going to print the words to the song as a quote below, but I will also embed the video, because it’s just a few minutes long and really worth a listen!
From the subhead: A small Adriatic town is home to one of the most dynamic communal experiences in Italian Catholicism, inspired by the soon-to-be saint Pier Giorgio Frassati.
I love that the group is named after the name Frassati gave to his group of friends—wise guys, usual subjects.
This one is fun to share since Pier Giorgio is now St. Pier Giorgio, after the canonization on Sunday. I look forward to hearing all about the canonization! (We were able to watch an English-language translation later that day here, but we can’t wait to hear about what it was like in person.)
You can read this, or any other previous Mom Weeklies, by going to the home page here.
“You Love Each Other So Much!”
I don’t know why this cracked me up so much, but at the wedding, someone—not a relative or close friend—exclaimed in a positive way to just me after seeing Dad & I talk about something, “You two just love each other so much!”
We love each other so much? We love each other so much? (Exasperated voice here).
I guess we love each other so much, if you count getting on each other’s last nerve about 100 times in the past week of last-minute wedding things as “loving each other.” LOL.
I’m laughing as I write this, and maybe also a little sheepish, to admit that Dad and I are not starry-eyed with each other all the time. We annoy each other! We get into goofy disagreements about things! We often have the same disagreements over and over again! It can be exhausting.
But this is to say that, yes, Dad & I do love each other so much. We choose to love each other, even when we don’t get along perfectly, and even when we annoy each other. We mostly get along, and we do have fun together, and we’ve gotten better about talking to each other over the decades.
When I told Dad the story of the person saying, “You two love each other so much!” I almost couldn’t stop laughing. And so now we have this as a little joke—“We love each other so much, haha.” (Well, it’s funny to us, or maybe just me, but Dad is humoring me).
I hope you can recognize from this: getting annoyed with each other (or getting on someone’s last nerve) is a feature, not a bug, of relationships. That’s not to say that every relationship is healthy in that way. But for people of good will, it happens, and can be worked through, sometimes with outside help. You can still love each other even when you’re not in perfect harmony about one or even many things.
You can read this, or any other previous Mom Weeklies, by going to the home page here.
Notes:
Even though this was scheduled—because I knew I will be tired (and probably still a little emotional) on this particular Tuesday!–I opened up this again to comment a few things.
What a wonderful family time! I am just in awe of how much fun it is to get together and see family members and friends in person. I am so grateful to have so many relatives and friends that want to share in our joy.
This particular Mom Weekly is based on the very brief (under 2.5 minutes) remarks that I gave at the rehearsal dinner. I was pretty sure that I might not get through it without crying, but other than a few brief pauses, I got through every word!
Remember how much I love all of you,
Mom
The Blessing
When I was beginning to look at songs to consider for the mother-son dance at the wedding, I queued up a couple of songs on Spotify. As I drove to and from a haircut, I promptly started crying. Happy tears of course, but there are a lot of emotions that go along with transitions like this . . .
A memory came back to me of driving to Matthiessen State Park for hiking with my youngest during his spring break—this was the first spring of the pandemic.
It happened to be just the two of us, and he was driving. As a result, I was able to play various songs on Spotify. I recall that I played the worship song The Blessing by Kari Jobe, a relatively new song at the time, probably about 50 times. That is an exaggeration, but not by much! I was slightly obsessed with that song.
Once I played it in recent weeks, I realized that it wouldn’t work as a dance song for a lot of reasons. It ranges from 7-9 minutes long, depending on the version, making it even more unsuitable as a mother-son dance song. And yet, it’s a wonderful song!
So I would like to encourage all of you to listen. Even 50 times!
We all want to bless Clara and Joseph this weekend with our presence, and with God’s presence, and we want to bless all of our extended families and friends who are here with us, and those who cannot be here with us.
It’s based on Numbers 6:24-26. It is known at the “Priestly Blessing.” I’m going to embed the song in this post, but also the words. I’ve shortened it down a little, because the song repeats the stanzas multiple times, and I will just put them once.
The Lord bless you and keep you
Make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you
The Lord turn His face toward you
And give you peace
Amen, amen, amen
May His favor be upon you
And a thousand generations
And your family and your children
And their children, and their children
May His presence go before you
And behind you, and beside you
All around you, and within you
He is with you, he is with you
In the morning, in the evening
In your coming, and your going
In your weeping, and rejoicing
He is for you, he is for you
He is, He is
Amen, amen, amen
Here is a version of the song (8 minutes!) live in Bath, England last year, sung in different languages.
