The Mom Weekly Volume 48: July 9, 2024
Some weeks ago, I saw this mini-reflection by Dr. Peter Attia and liked it well enough to transcribe it and write some of my thoughts on what he says. Getting back from vacation has left me with not a lot of time to refine my thoughts. Still, it’s worth getting these ideas out there.
Here’s the post, followed by my transcript.
When I was 20, I was an insufferable, miserable, self-absorbed prick. And I am so excited to know that when I’m 60, I won’t be. To be clear, it’s not the default state that your emotional health will get better over time. You need to work your ass off at it; just as you need to work really hard to maintain your physical and cognitive health as you age.
But the beautiful thing is, you will actually increase as you age that emotional piece if you’re willing to do the work. That is the single most important thing I cling to as I find myself having a little pity party over the fact that I don’t like my body as much as I used to, and I don’t feel as smart as I used to feel.
Like, nothing about me, today physically or cognitively is what it was 10 years ago, but I’m a way better human being today than I was 10 years ago. And I know that I’m going to be a way better human being in 10 years than I am today.
It is worth double underlining this. Maintaining and increasing physical capacity and cognitive health becomes more difficult over time, while emotional perspective and health can become easier the older we get.
For instance, I should be working to have even better physical strength than I do now, because I want to be hiking when I’m 80. But it takes more effort for 60-year-old me to increase my physical fitness than it did for 30-year-old me.
But emotional health works the opposite way. It may be difficult for people of any age to start working on emotional and mental health, but the older person is going to make faster progress, and more lasting progress, than someone younger. Over time, it becomes so much easier, and you get better with age.
Part of that is the “wisdom” of age. You just know a heck of a lot more, even without trying, because you’ve been alive for so much longer and had more experiences.
The important thing here is “working on it.” There are plenty of cranky, mean, and ill-adjusted older people. But for an older person who works on his or her emotional health, the benefits are pretty remarkable. Combining life experience with good emotional tools is an unbeatable combination.
This is no excuse for younger people to neglect their emotional health. Far from it. The sooner you start working on these tools and more, the better you will be:
*minding your mindset
*seeking help, whether that is counseling, medicine, or some combination. (look at all those people taking care of themselves!);
*and giving yourself and others some grace, or giving yourself and others a break, already! For the most part, we are all just doing the best we can.
But know this, those of you who are younger: it gets easier, and you will get better at this, the older you get.
I might find it a real, ongoing (and yet worthy) challenge to lift heavier weights or work on my physical flexibility (before I broke my ankle, and once again when I’m fully recovered). But emotional regulation? It’s not exactly “a snap,” but it’s a heck of a lot easier than when I was 20 or 30.
Remember how much I love you,
Mom
Interesting/Notable
Feelings Exist for a Reason–More Dr. Peter Attia
When trying to find the Instagram post with the above quote, I also found this one about “feelings exist for a reason.”
Really well worth the 30 seconds to watch—here’s just one important quote:
“When I get into a funk, I don’t ignore it and I don’t judge it…. I get curious and non-judgmental about it.”
“Gentle is the Joy That Comes with Age”–Annie Lamott (gift link)
Dad shared this with me, and it’s lovely.
An action item: Try the “hush” trick for one area of your space
That sounds a little bit like a click-bait title of an ad—this one weird trick helped me get rid of my wrinkles! But actually, this short Youtube video from The Minimal Mom outlinese a really novel way to work on decluttering, especially surfaces.
The best idea here? Leaving the spaces empty for at least 24 hours before returning things.
What are you doing this weekend?
So, now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing:
*faith—when are you going to Mass?
*friends—what friends will you see or connect with?
*food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit?
*fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally).