The Mom Weekly, Volume 11: October 3, 2023
“That person has invincible ignorance.”
This was my statement recently after a highly challenging conversation with a younger person (not a relative) that I know well. I don’t want to go into too many specifics, because it’s not my story to tell.
But suffice to say: any suggestion, idea, or thoughtful “what do you think about…“ was met with various non-answers that showed the person was not open to consider other options for improving the situation. It’s not the first time I’ve had such a conversation with this person, and surely won’t be the last, but it’s maddening.
This isn’t just a rant against this poor person, but it got me thinking about what I consider “invincible ignorance,” and how we are all prone to it in certain areas. And we should want as much as possible to get rid of it, not just to stop annoying me, but because it hurts ourselves.
Invincible ignorance is actually a theological term for someone who is not culpable for their actions or beliefs because they have no way of knowing the truth. We’d have to get the theologian in the family to chime in on what it actually means as far as a person’s actions, but if you’re interested in some of the concept, this article is less esoteric than most of what I found out there. A quote from it:
“In short, it means that we’ll be judged based on what we knew (or should have known), not for what we didn’t have the power to know.”
I was trying to find or make a graphic to represent “invincible ignorance” and this was about the closest I could get.
My definition of Invincible Ignorance
When I say “invincible ignorance,” I mean things that people refuse to change their minds about, no matter how much they learn or are presented with evidence to the contrary. That is what I find maddening.
Here’s a good example: Let’s just say you had someone who grew up in an earlier time, when “fat” was bad, and Snackwells were considered health food.
Let’s say this person, who shall remain nameless but who “might” resembls Dad, still reads the nutrition labels on food items, and rejects ones that have what he considers to be “too much saturated fat” or “too much fat.”
Fortunately, this person still eats a lot of whole foods that do not have nutrition labels, so isn’t harmed too much by the false belief that avoiding at all costs saturated fat should be a top goal for humans.
But people around him might be harmed by raising their voices to say, “Fat isn’t the enemy!” every single time. But I digress. (wink).
Anyway, to me, that invincible ignorance doesn’t serve us well. How can we avoid it?
My number one idea is that we should be open and willing to change our minds.
This is crystallized in an episode of easily the best podcast series of this year: “The Witch Trials of JK Rowling.”
I have a plan at some point to do a commentary/summary on the series, perhaps here, because I found it a vital and thoughtful listen. The final episode is titled, “What If You’re Wrong?” It’s a conversation between JK Rowling and host Megan Phelps-Roper about discernment and holding space for the possibility you could change your mind.
This is especially important and relevant for Phelps-Roper based on her background, which she elaborates on in this essay. (It’s so worth a read, as is her book
We all have these blind spots or ways of thinking that are not helpful to us, or those around us. They might be small, or big, but even being aware of the possibility is the first step in being more self-aware. Maybe it means you change your mind; maybe it means you get to the point where you don’t see saturated fat as the enemy. But most of all, it can help you be happier and wiser.
I know I have these blind spots, too, and feel free to tell me (nicely) about them. I want to be open to change.
Remember how much I love you,
Mom
Interesting Watch: Live to 100
Dad & I watched this 40-part docuseries on Netflix called “Live to 100: Secrets of the Blue Zones”
It was well-produced and beautifully filmed.
My one quibble? In many scenes, it shows the host, Dan Buettner, riding his bike through these gorgeous areas—Okinawa, Japan, steep hills in Sardinia, etc. AND HE’S NEVER WEARING A HELMET.
I kept yelling at the TV, annoying Dad to to no end, but honestly? We’re trying to promote healthful living, and we are not.wearing.a.helmet?
An action item: Time to Update Your Net Worth
I’ve gone back and forth about this, but I want you to consider doing this. I typically update our Net Worth Calculator quarterly, and September 30 was the end of Q3—Quarter 3, in the calendar year.
This may take slightly longer this first time, if you have not done so. But I promise you, over time, you will be happy that you do this.
The reason I hesitated is that it could be pretty likely you have a negative net worth, largely because of student loans. But that’s will be so temporary (over the long haul!) that you should not be discouraged by it.
When people begin to track their net worth, they call it “getting back to zero” when they have a zero net worth. That may not seem promising, but it’s a great accomplishment for those who have paid off a significant amount of debt, whether student loan debt, credit card debt, or other types of debt. And it can be very encouraging to see an improvement in your net worth over time.
Here is a super-simple net worth spreadsheet I put together. I didn’t get a chance to format with cool colors and such, but it works.
A couple of notes:
*Unfortunately, Google Sheets does not allow password-protecting of items. I prefer to keep this information, and most of my spreadsheets, in a format I can password protect. Think Microsoft Excel, Apple’s Numbers, etc. You can even do this on paper if you want, and store it somewhere safe.
*There are two “sheets” in the spreadsheet I’ve shared—the first is a blank one, and the second is a sample with random numbers that I have included.
*Sometimes people do not add in their vehicles or mortgages, but I prefer to, because you can see how much equity you have in the house or vehicle. But I mentally don’t include them the same weight as other assets, since they are not liquid and it’s not likely one would sell them for living expenses, whether in retirement or out.
What are you doing this weekend?
You know the drill here. Now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing:
*faith—when are you going to Mass?
*friends—what friends will you see or connect with?
*food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit?
*fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally).