The Mom Weekly Volume 51: July 30, 2024
Notes
Not that anyone is wondering about my process of creating The Mom Weekly, but here we go anyway:
I have a TMW document, and whenever I have a concept to share, or an idea that pops up to me that might make a good headline and good discussion topic, I start it as a section. This has its own headline, and either right then, or in a future writing block, I will spend some time developingit. Just a few of the many, that may or may not make it into a future weekly:
Trinity Bars
Saint Francis de Sales always cracks me up
Gaslight/Red Light
The Household Book
My many and sundry readers are surely on the edge of their proverbial seats just waiting for these, haha. (Hand on heart, the Saint Francis de Sales one is hilarious, but right now only to me. I need to work on it to make you understand how funny it is!!!)
There is also a group of “From the Vault” posts “mostly” ready to go.
Some time ago I wrote about this Simon & Garfunkel song. And the other day, when the song played somewhere (a store? the radio? no memory), I thought: Time to finish this one!
I am a Rock
Recently, a high school memory popped up, unbidden but fully formed.
One of my high school religion teachers was trying to explain how self-sufficiency is a dangerous myth.
(Bless their hearts, the religion teachers during my high school days really tried, but it was quite the Wild West of “anything goes” in religion class during that time period. I learned little about the Catholic faith, and there were some really weird vibes from time to time. But I think most of them [not all! but we won’t cover that today] were making an effort to do good. )
In one class, this teacher played the Simon & Garfunkel song, I am a Rock.
The teacher told us that when he was a teen and first heard the song, he took it literally. He thought that he was supposed to be a rock, and not feel any pain, and not rely on anyone else, ever. But, as he told us, he was wrong, and as he matured, he learned to connect with other people.
So whenever I hear I am a Rock I think about how what it really means.
Here are the lyrics:
A winter’s day
In a deep and dark December
I am alone
Gazing from my window to the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow
I am a rock I am an island
I’ve built walls
A fortress deep and mighty
That none may penetrate
I have no need of friendship, friendship causes pain
It’s laughter and it’s loving I disdain
I am a rock I am an island
Don’t talk of love
Well I’ve heard the word before
It’s sleeping in my memory
I won’t disturb the slumber of feelings that have died
If I never loved I never would have cried
I am a rock I am an island
I have my books
And my poetry to protect me
I am shielded in my armor
Hiding in my room safe within my womb
I touch no one and no one touches me
I am a rock I am an island
And a rock feels no pain
And an island never cries
Related to this, I read a surprisingly vulnerable newsletter from entrepreneur Pat Flynn.
In this, Flynn tells a story about a request when he was seven years old going wrong, and how it affected the way he lived in the world for a lot of his young life:
I began to feel that it wasn’t worth the risk of disappointment to ask for things anymore. This is why I grew up very independent and likely to just figure things out on my own.
I also felt like I was a potential burden to others, not wanting to make people feel bad if they didn’t have the time or didn’t know how to help.
As I write this out, it actually explains a lot about how I grew up and why, when I became an entrepreneur in 2008, I was so conditioned to believe that asking for help was bad that I refused to do it.
But here’s the twist: as entrepreneurs, the ability to ask for help is not just beneficial — it’s essential. The belief that we must do everything on our own can be our biggest obstacle. We fear being seen as weak or incompetent, but in reality, asking for help shows strength and wisdom.
Over the years, I discovered something surprising and wonderful: people actually want to help. When you allow them to lend a hand, they often feel great about it too. It creates a sense of connection and mutual support that benefits everyone involved.
If you read Flynn’s story, you may resonate with his childhood experience. I think most of us—myself included!!!—can remember as a kid asking for something, and it going wrong some way, and feeling helpless about it and resolving to not ask for help in the future.
Those feelings may not last–and they are much less common the older you get— but I can understand where they come from. I am a rock. I am an island. And a rock feels no pain. And an island never cries.
Knowing that this is a common impulse and emotion, how can we guard against it?
Here a few ideas I am telling myself:
- having regular intentional connection with others
- being vulnerable with trusted family members and friends, sharing my struggles
- asking for help—people really want to help! I want to write an entire newsletter about this very thing! (note to self: title—“People Want to Help”)
- seeking help as needed (look at all those people taking care of themselves!)
I am a rock. I am an island.
In my memory, the teacher in no way tied his reflection on I Am a Rock to our Catholic faith. But the message really is compatible with the sense of communty and family life being more important than “going it alone” or radical individualism.
Here’s a relevant paragraph I found in the Catechism of the Catholic Church:
CCC 2250 “The well-being of the individual person and of both human and Christian society is closely bound up with the healthy state of conjugal and family life” (GS 47 § 1).
The Catechism was created years after my high school class, but this paragraph is actually a quote from Gaudium et Spes (“Joy and Hope”), one of the four documents of the Second Vatican Council from the 1960s. None of these concepts are new, in life or in our faith.
What is the biggest take-away from this?
We are not meant to go it alone. We are not all “rocks” but something much more organic and interconnected. As Jesus says in Scripture:
“I am the vine, you are the branches. Those who abide in me and I in them bear much fruit.” (John 15:5)
Remember how much I love you,
Mom
Interesting/Notable:
Olive Garden bread
Someone shared this earlier this summer, and I wondered if it was as good as remembered. It is!!!!
It’s a minute or more, but 100 percent worth the watch.
An Action Item: Make Plans to See a Friend in the Next Week
Many times these “action items” exist because either I have just done something, or I want to be reminded about doing something. This one is a perennial issue for me—wanting to see friends, but overcoming the inertia of making the plans is hard to overcome! It’s not as if it’s a harrowing experience to text or call someone and say, “let’s get together!” But all too often, I find myself putting it off.
This week, I do have plans to meet a friend for Mass and to check out a rural store she’s visited I’ve never been to. When I see this, it will be my reminder to make plans to see someone next week. I encourage you to do the same!
What are you doing this weekend?
So, now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing:
*faith—when are you going to Mass?
*friends—what friends will you see or connect with?
*food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit?
*fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally).