The Mom Weekly

Category: Weekly Newsletter

  • Praying for You …

    Praying for You …

    The Mom Weekly Volume 62: October 15, 2024

    You can read this, or any other previous Mom Weeklies, by going to the website here.

    Praying for You or Praying “for” You?

    Last week, Dad and I were watching a Zoom video he wanted to see of a talk by a theologian. True confession: since I don’t have the most theological mind, it wasn’t my favorite. That is especially since the talk began after dinner, when I want something light and fun to read or watch.

    I was paying attention, however, because during the Q&A section, someone asked about prayer apps, and the theologian made the comment, (this is almost verbatim) “We have apps that pray for us… it’s not a good thing.” 

    Well, that stopped me in my tracks. And I started to get convicted—to use the Protestant expression of realizing you may have been wrong. 

    As you know, I am a big fan of the Hallow App. Now, there are a few things that aren’t great about the app and some of the audio talks, but the vast majority of it is solid. I usually join in with the regular “challenges,” which are audios over a period of days, with different people, sometimes religious, sometimes priests, or even celebrities. If I don’t like a day, or a challenge, I move on. There are also tons of novenas and other things.

    (This is why I still call Lent “Mark Wahlberg’s 40 Day Challenge” every year, just for the fun of it.

    I have been praying—with Hallow — the Rosary every morning for years as I walk the dogs and feed them breakfast. And I’ve been praying the Rosary without Hallow for decades before that. And wow, it is so much easier to have a guide (I prefer Anna, who has a British accent), lead the rosary, and I can pray along.

    But the comment about “apps praying ‘for’ you” made me think: maybe I’m having the app “pray for me”? Maybe I’m not really honoring God by using an app to pray, and I should be sitting or kneeling and focusing on the Rosary more specifically, instead of trying to do it at the same time I am walking/taking care of dogs/the house?

    In general, I think that praying while you are doing something else is perfectly fine. When I used to run half-marathons and marathons, I would usually start with a Rosary, and then each mile I try to dedicate to a different intention.

    But maybe using an app to do so is somehow not kosher? I do have a problem with my mind wandering in prayer. I know I’m not alone, thank you St. Therese the Little Flower! Maybe I should work on that, instead of having an app keep me on track?

    I’m not exaggerating when I say the comment really affected me, and had me reconsidering how I pray. 

    And then, the next day, I came across this quote from St. Thomas Aquinas:

    “It is not necessary that prayer should be attentive throughout, because the force of the original intention with which one sets about praying renders the whole prayer meritorious.”

    Is the right expression here “mic drop”? I just relaxed as I listened to it. And where did I encounter this quote? Yes, on the HALLOW APP. 

    screenshot from the Hallow app.

    And that brought to mind Romans 8:26-27:

    Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes[a] with sighs too deep for words. And God, who searches the heart, knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.

    Even the Holy Spirit helps us pray!!! 

    Anyway, I’m sure the theologian had a lot of good things to say. But his criticism of prayer apps was not one of them.

    I’m also glad that I can pray in the ways that work best for me. I encourage you to do the same.

    Remember how much I love you (and how much I pray for you!),

    Mom

    Interesting/Notable:

    How to Let People Down and Be Okay With It — NY Times Gift Article

    I implore you, if you take nothing else away from today’s TMW, read this article and take it to heart.

    “The hard part, if you’re a people pleaser, is to not fill that silence. To not say, ‘Oh, but never mind, maybe I can figure it out,…’” 

    Remember, it’s okay to practice being mean.

    Action Item: Consider checking out something on the Hallow App

    Now that we know St. Thomas Aquinas has basically endorsed prayer apps, why not take some time to check out some of the good features on Hallow? Remember that everything won’t appeal to you, and that’s okay. Move on if it doesn’t. Just a few ideas:

    *Catholic Lofi. I like the “Vibes with Aquinas” playlist here, for quiet music for productivity.

    *Sleep meditations and music

    *courses: Therapist Regina Boyd’s Stress & Anxiety course was a good listen.

    *audiobooks. I adored Sister Orianne, FSP, delightful read St. Therese’s “Story of a Soul.” Her narration was just spot on.

    *challenges. A Challenge starting soon is one about C.S. Lewis’ “Mere Christianity” featuring, of all people, Bear Grylls! That should be an interesting listen. Know that if I like it, I’ll keep listening, but if not, I’ll move on…

    What are you doing this weekend?

    So, now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing:

    *faith—when are you going to Mass?

    *friends—what friends will you see or connect with?

    *food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit?

    *fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally).

  • “From the Department of …” (From the Vault, October 2007)

    “From the Department of …” (From the Vault, October 2007)

    The Mom Weekly Volume 61: October 8, 2024

    You can read this, or any other previous Mom Weeklies, by going to the website here.

    Notes

    I found this golden “from the vault” awhile back, and when I was queuing up the birthday one from last week, I found it again, and it actually made me tear up more than a little bit. I had not remembered this at all (unlike the French-fry stealing anecdote, which is family lore). But what a terrific, and completely ON BRAND exchange between myself and one of my children.

    We can consider it an extra birthday treat for the birthday girl, and her Mommy.

    I also had no memory of reading the book I reference here, Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys . I’ve requested it again from the library, and I will let you know if it holds up.

    Remember how much I love you,

    Mom

    From the Department of… (October 2007)

    . . . giving your children space and safety to express their emotions.

    I don’t think I have a problem with this, which is a relief because I sometimes feel such a failure in so many areas of the relationship/parenting thing. This happened several weeks ago but I have not had the chance to write it down.

    I have been reading Raising Cain, and am particularly struck by the notion of letting boys (and girls!) have an internal life, and helping them to recognize and identify their own feelings.

    For the last several weeks, Homegirl has been very, very interested in (that would be obsessed) with rhyming words. She blurted out as she was climbing into bed last night, “cold, fold, mold,” to which I replied, “sold, bold, old.” (Note to self—take the opportunity to teach writing poetry and writing rhyming couplets).

    The wrinkle here is she believes words only rhyme when they are spelled the same at the end. For instance, rhyme and time would not rhyme, in her theory. She’ll get into big arguments with Mom about this, and I confess I have not handled them all with the grace and patience needed.

    When it started, I was trying in my-not-most -patient way, to explain to her SYNONYMS — that words can be spelled differently and sound exactly alike, (sale, sail, wail, whale), thus proving that rhyming words need not be spelled alike.

    That day, I happened to be writing our weekly schedule of events on the dry erase board in the kitchen. As I finished, I wrote down some of these words on the board so she could see, in FACT, that these words SOUND alike, but are not SPELLED alike. This was the tenor of my voice, too (i.e., ALL CAPS RAISED VOICE).

    I think I wrote down a few words, and also of words that rhyme but are not spelled similarly. (doll, wall). In her tenacious way, she was having none of it and I left the area to put some things in the dishwasher and just get some space because it was so exasperating.

    She wrote carefully on the dry erase board, “Mom, I hate you sometimes.” I saw it and left it there, not commenting. What was there to say? We talked about other things; I think I helped her get a snack. After awhile, she erased the message and kissed me, saying, “I love you, Mom,” and skipped off to the next thing. I love you, too, dear one, more than you can know.

    Interesting/Notable

    This book changed my love life–Ali Abdaal

    I really enjoyed watching this video! It’s all about having realistic ideas in relationships, and thoughts on the beginning stages of dating. I have not read the book he references, and it is not available from the library. I noticed he did this video back in 2021, and he was married earlier this year. Coincidence? 🙂

    Masters of Love (The Atlantic)

    This is a 10-year-old article that popped up on my Atlantic app. It holds up! Read it to understand the action item below.

    An Action Item: Look for (and respond to!) “Bids” for Attention from Loved Ones

    If you read The Atlantic article above, you’ll see that the Gottmans promote the idea of responding to “bids for attention.” Here’s a quote from the article

    “Throughout the day, partners would make requests for connection, what Gottman calls “bids.” For example, say that the husband is a bird enthusiast and notices a goldfinch fly across the yard. He might say to his wife, “Look at that beautiful bird outside!” He’s not just commenting on the bird here: He’s requesting a response from his wife—a sign of interest or support—hoping they’ll connect, however momentarily, over the bird.
    The wife now has a choice. She can respond by either “turning toward” or “turning away” from her husband, as Gottman puts it. Though the bird-bid might seem minor and silly, it can actually reveal a lot about the health of the relationship. The husband thought the bird was important enough to bring it up in conversation and the question is whether his wife recognizes and respects that.

    “People who turned toward their partners in the study responded by engaging the bidder, showing interest and support in the bid. Those who didn’t—those who turned away—would not respond or respond minimally and continue doing whatever they were doing, like watching TV or reading the paper. Sometimes they would respond with overt hostility, saying something like, “Stop interrupting me, I’m reading.”

    So, your action item is to respond—positively, naturally!—to bids for attention from loved ones in your life. For instance, your Mom might text you, and you could text her back! LOL.

    What are you doing this weekend?

    So, now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing:

    *faith—when are you going to Mass?

    *friends—what friends will you see or connect with?

    *food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit?

    *fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally).

  • Happy Golden Birthday, Homegirl! (From the Vault, 2006)

    Happy Golden Birthday, Homegirl! (From the Vault, 2006)

    The Mom Weekly Volume 60: October 1, 2024

    You can read this, or any other previous Mom Weeklies, by going to the website here.

    Birthday From the Vault: Happy Golden Birthday, Homegirl! (October 2006)

    Notes:

    I cannot believe how much this “from the vault” post describes our very own Homegirl today, and how true to her personality and character it still is, as a young adult.

    I honestly feel like I could have written all of the below for this birthday. A love of puzzles? Check. A love of reading? Check. Good at boundaries? Check, check, check.

    In case you have forgotten, “God grant her many years” is a saying that Eastern Catholics will say on someone’s birthday.

    Remember, on your birthday, and every day, how much I love you,

    Mom

    Happy Golden Birthday Homegirl! (From the Vault, October 2006)

    You are turning six years old today on October 6. Another family we know celebrates golden birthdays, when you turn the age of your date, so we are adopting this tradition. It is an extra special birthday, and I am all for that as I love birthdays (and I’m just sorry that I missed my golden birthday 19 years ago….)

    You are sweet and dear and I love you. You enjoy doing puzzles (thus this photo).

    You love being read to (we are currently listening to Dr. Doolittle on audiobook, and nighttime reading are the Kit books). Now that you are learning to read, you love reading everything when we are out and about. This can be a bit maddening as Mommy is trying to rush through a store and you are sounding out, “press button to open.”

    One of your great qualities is that you are not at all a pushover. Mommy likes to be the “french fry stealer” because she hardly ever orders them for herself, but loves just a few when we get fast food. One day Mom took a few from yours. You looked at me with big eyes and shook your head and said, “No more” And I didn’t take any more! 

    I hope you always keep this quality. Boundaries are really important, and if you can learn them with french fry-stealing moms now, you’ll be great when it comes to pushy friends or pushy bosses.

    God grant her many years, God grant her many years, God grant her many blessed years.

    Interesting/Notable:

    A Good Use Case for AI—Other Feminisms

    I find Leah Libresco such a thoughtful writer. And so to see her making the “case” for AI, let’s just say I was intrigued. Worth the read!

    Leah mentioned this article about a woman creating an app just for her nuclear family, and I thought it was very interesting. Not necessarily repeatable?

    An Action Item: Bake Something Fun

    To me, a birthday is a great reason to bake a cake, or frosted brownies, or some other treat. Consider doing that, or at least getting a fun treat at a local bakery!

    What are you doing this weekend?

    So, now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing:

    *faith—when are you going to Mass?

    *friends—what friends will you see or connect with?

    *food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit?

    *fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally).

  • People Want to Help

    People Want to Help

    The Mom Weekly Volume 59: September 24, 2024

    You can read this, or any other previous Mom Weeklies, by going to the website here.

    People Want to Help

    As I have mentioned before, I keep a list of potential “headlines” for future Weeklies, and turn to them when I have my “writing time” and can devote some effort to this.

    Today’s headline—People Want to Help—didn’t have anything written or any notes. But you may remember me saying this adage from time to time.

    It can be a natural inclination for most people—in different situations—to avoid asking for help. We don’t want to be any trouble, or we do not want to bother people. We’d rather figure something out ourselves than request assistance.

    But the research shows that far from making people resent us, people who are the “helpers” feel more positive about themselves, and feel more positive about the person being helped.

    “Helping people makes people feel better,” the researcher said. Here’s a write-up in the NY Times.

    It can be awkward to ask for help, or to reach out to someone, depending on the situation. But knowing that it can brighten someone’s day, why not give it a try?

    The researchers found that even reaching out to a friend with a text saying “hi” can mean a lot. I encourage you to try it, once a day or more, if possible! Consider this your bonus “action item” if you’d like!

    Now, this doesn’t always work. For instance, the day that I’m writing the first draft of this happened to be one of the last days to swim at our outdoor pool this season. When I arrived, there were no empty lanes; even the non-laned part of the pool had several swimmers.

    So, as we are supposed to do, I asked a swimmer if I could share the lane with her. She was not happy to help, let’s just put it that way! She was downright grumpy about it, but in the end, she did share, as she only had a lap or two to go. I hope that she felt more positive about the situation by the time she finished swimming. We can only hope. 🙂

    Just as I was finishing my laps (grumpy swimmer had already finished her laps and left), I could see a man about to join the person in the lane next to me. I called over, “This is my last lap!” So he would know he had a lane to himself. He was delighted. And it gave me a little boost of happiness!

    So, this is your gentle reminder to ask for help (and say thank you!) for something small in the next few days. Ask someone to hold the door for you if you’re holding some books or a coffee. Ask a friend (or your Mom, hint, hint) for advice about something. Text a friend just to say hi (and make a goal for once a week or more!)

    Remember how much I love you,

    Mom

    Interesting/Notable:

    Today is actually National Punctuation Day, so plan to celebrate!

    For some reason, I can remember my Mom laughing at this video when it was on TV. Maybe I misremembered? Anyway, it is pretty funny.

    And who could forget the fun Schoolhouse Rock song, “Interjections!”? 

    An Action Item: Get Ready for Your Quarterly Net Worth Update

    I hope you remember that at the end of each quarter, I suggest you update your net worth. September 30 is the end of Q3, or the third quarter of 2024. 

    Repeating from earlier updates:

    This may take slightly longer this first time, if you have not done so. But I promise you, over time, you will be happy that you do this. 

    The reason I hesitated is that it could be pretty likely you have a negative net worth, largely because of student loans. But that’s will be so temporary (over the long haul!) that you should not be discouraged by it. 

    When people begin to track their net worth, they call it “getting back to zero” when they have a zero net worth. That may not seem promising, but it’s an impressive accomplishment for those who have paid off a significant amount of debt, whether student loan debt, credit card debt, or other types of debt. 

    And it can be very encouraging to see an improvement in your net worth over time. 

    Here is a super-simple net worth spreadsheet I put together. There’s no formatting with cool colors and such, but it works and completes the calculations for you. Let me know what you think about it!

    A couple of notes:

    *Unfortunately, Google Sheets does not allow password-protecting of items. I prefer to keep this information, and most of my spreadsheets, in a format I can password protect. Think Microsoft Excel, Apple’s Numbers, etc. You can even do this on paper if you want, and store it somewhere safe. 

    *There are two “sheets” in the spreadsheet I’ve shared—the first contains no entries, and the second is a sample with random numbers that I have included. 

    *Sometimes people do not add in their vehicles or mortgages. I do, because you can see how much equity you have in the house or vehicle. But informally, I don’t include them the same weight as other assets, since they are not liquid and it’s not likely one would sell them for living expenses, whether in retirement or not.

    What are you doing this weekend?

    So, now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing:

    *faith—when are you going to Mass?

    *friends—what friends will you see or connect with?

    *food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit?

    *fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally).

  • “Offering it Up” vs. Honest Conversations

    “Offering it Up” vs. Honest Conversations

    The Mom Weekly Volume 58: September 17, 2024

    You can read this, or any other previous Mom Weeklies, by going to the website here.

    “For a long time my place at meditation was near a Sister who fidgeted continually, either with her Rosary, or something else; possibly, as I am very quick of hearing, I alone heard her, but I cannot tell you how much it tried me. I should have liked to turn round, and by looking at the offender, make her stop the noise; but in my heart I knew that I ought to bear it tranquilly, both for the love of God and to avoid giving pain. So I kept quiet, but the effort cost me so much that sometimes I was bathed in perspiration, and my meditation consisted merely in suffering with patience. After a time I tried to endure it in peace and joy, at least deep down in my soul, and I strove to take actual pleasure in the disagreeable little noise.”

    St. Therese, Story of a Soul

    I immediately thought of this vignette from St. Therese’s Story of a Soul for reasons I will explain in a minute, but let’s start by getting a few things clear:

    • 1. you don’t have to connect with every saint’s “brand” of holiness. That’s why there are so many different kinds of saints, and (truly) thank God for that! Sometimes I read about a saint and think “not me” and other times (like when I read in St. Gianna Molla’s letters how she honestly shared disagreements with her husband and in-laws, for instance) I think “okay, maybe it’s not hopeless for me.”
    • 2. the appeal of St. Therese’s spirituality was her “Little Way.” Instead of heroic deeds or glorious martyrdoms, we can be holy in the tiniest of ways. It might be putting up patiently with someone’s foibles (like a Mom who is always trying to get you to eat more protein, haha). Or it is in giving up small things, for a short time, like sugar in your tea, or candy for a day, or for Lent, or color on your phone for an hour or two. But what you “offer up” is up to you. It also doesn’t mean putting up with something that makes you irritable indefinitely with those closest to you.
    For the graphic, I had to include photos from our 2019 trip to Lisieux. There is a “blue line” along sidewalks and roads throughout the town connecting different St. Therese sites. In theory, it sounds wonderful, but in reality, the line kept disappearing and getting us lost.

    So now let’s get to why I remembered this vignette:

    I read this article from The Pillar about a seminary having “process groups.”

    The entire (long) article is so worth reading, but basically: St. Paul Seminary in Minnesota believes in fostering “human flourishing” in the seminarians, and wants to give them the tools to attend to their mental health, friendships, and life balance.

    A way St. Paul’s is doing is this is through “process groups” — a group of eight or so seminarians, plus a facilitator (usually a psychologist) — to help the men discuss issues in a productive way.

    One issue a process group worked through was, essentially, the St. Therese story all over again, but with a different outcome. I’m going to include this rather long excerpt because I think it’s the easiest way to start. A seminarian, Paul Renier, is recounting this:

    One day during the process group, when Ruff asked if anyone had anything to share, a seminarian raised his hand, and said, “Paul, I just can’t stand Andy clearing his throat in the chapel every single morning. It really gets to me, it’s so agitating.”


    “As funny as that sounded to perhaps hear or talk about, it was actually really hard for me to receive,” Renier acknowledged. “I just felt so misunderstood and very angry actually.”


    “I’m just in this internal monologue, I was saying to myself, he didn’t even bother to ask me why I do that or is there a reason I do that…he asked that so pointedly.”


    Ruff asked the seminarian to address Renier directly, and to give him a chance to receive the criticism, and to respond.


    “I got a chance to explain what happened and why I do that, and I’ve actually left the chapel, I told them, a few times, to go clear my throat in a quiet room away from everybody praying, so I won’t be as much of a distraction,” Renier said.


    The discussion did not fix the problem – Renier still experienced a need to clear his throat in the mornings, and hearing him do so was still something the other seminarian found irritating.


    But what changed was their ability to share – and receive – this experience from another person.


    “It’s not like we figured out a solution and now everything is fine,” he said. “It’s just the way that you’re communicating, and…seeing each other, understanding each other.”


    “It was just this encounter of conflict, really, that I didn’t know this about myself, that it was bothering other people, and I came to know that. But also, there was understanding on his part, so we actually grew closer together, him and I.”

    So reading this excerpt, you may think, “Well, who’s right? St. Therese — a Doctor of the Church—or leaders in a seminary in Minnesota?”

    But this is a false choice. Both can be be right.

    Sometimes we have to put up with an irritation, either temporarily or indefinitely. Not everything can’t be “talked through.” Situations we might mourn or deplore may not be “fixable” and must be endured. If they can be endured well, and (yes, I’m going to use that oft-maligned expression), offering it up, they can actually be spiritually fruitful.

    But it is okay, and even commendable, to work on situations that may be fixable. It is laudable to talk through some issues that could have resolution are worth talking through and hashing out. And it can bring people closer together!

    I’m not saying that St. Therese and her fellow Carmelites should have had process groups, but maybe I am?

    If they had, and worked through that issue, the unnamed noisy sister and St. Therese could have become closer spiritually and emotionally. And if not, St. Therese could have continued to offer up the irritation as her “little way,” as we all can do with the minor irritations in our lives.

    Also, somewhat related: we don’t have to take scientific or psychological or parenting or any other advice from saints from the recent or distant past. We study St. Thomas Aquinas in philosophy, and read St. Francis de Sales for spiritual edification, not for scientific knowledge, because both got some things wrong in science, because of the times they lived in. It’s the same for St. Therese.

    I still love St. Therese, she who is Doctor of the Church, Little Flower; and I love her Little Way. And I also love people in the Church who are working to promote human flourishing through the knowledge and tools we now have.

    If this hasn’t convinced you yet, please, I implore you, read the entire article, because it is truly wonderful. And wouldn’t it be great if kids going to college had this kind of group? Or engaged or newly married couples? I realize it would be hard to make work in a setting that isn’t a seminary where there a distinct group is sharing life together for an extended period, but it would be worth it.

    Remember how much I love you,

    Mom

    Interesting/Notable:

    8 US Libraries to Visit



    How to Reach Out to Someone You Admire

    I enjoy Laura Vanderkam so much, and interesting, Long ago, I did reach out to her (and gotten a reply!). I think it’s really helpful in life and work.

    An Action Item: Reach Out to Someone You Admire (or Would Like to Connect With)

    Per the above article, consider sending a note or in any way reaching out to someone you’d like to connect with. Maybe it is someone a few steps ahead of you at work? A friend you haven’t connected with in a long time? A person on social media you think is doing good in the world?

    What are you doing this weekend?

    So, now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing:

    *faith—when are you going to Mass?

    *friends—what friends will you see or connect with?

    *food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit?

    *fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally).

  • The Good Book Best Friend Theory of Everything (“kinda” From the Vault)

    The Mom Weekly Volume 57: September 10, 2024

    You can read this, or any other previous Mom Weeklies, by going to the website here.

    The “Good Book Best Friend” Theory of Everything

    While I was mowing recently, I listened to this Cal Newport podcast episode on  “intentional information.”

    Newport talked about how more information/news/content is not good for people, and it is important to intentional about both the kind of information we consume, and the way we encounter information/news, akin to Marshall McLuhan’s “the medium is the message.”

    “Information is not neutral” Newport says, and I couldn’t agree more. 

    Part of the reason “intentional information” resonates with me so much is that I have been talking about this and thinking about it for decades.

    Back in 2006 I started a blogspot blog (not my first! and not the one that features in “From the Vault”) called “Good Book Best Friend” to “write specifically about books I am reading to myself and books I am reading to my children, or the audiobooks listened to by our whole family.”

    As I wrote in the introduction:

    “The title of this blog comes from the expression, “A good book is your best friend, and a bad book is your worst enemy.” I’m quite sure I did not always think this was the case, but the more I read I realize how true this is.”

    “Not every book is all good or all bad, and I think I am fairly diverse in my reading and even what I read to my children. But knowing how much we are all influenced by what we read, see, hear, I want to be careful and teach my children to be careful, and above all to be discerning. I want my children to be able to read with a critical eye. We want to learn how to take the good from a book and leave behind what is harmful.

    I think we can all be trained to do this well, but we don’t have to waste our time on junk, either. That is kind of a revelation for me, too. Until about 10 years ago or so, I always, always, finished every book I started, no matter how much I hated it. Then I realized, I don’t have to finish! That was exciting.”

    Good for 2006 me! I’m really proud of what I wrote and thought about back then. Keep in mind, this was written 1. In the thick of our homeschooling days; and 2. just at the very beginning of social media as a concept.

    Even the Internet was not so much a part of our world as it is now. I realized that combining Cal Newport’s ideas about “intentional information” with my principle of “a good book is your best friend,” could create a kind of “Good Book Best Friend Theory of Everything” to help people think about how they consume content, create content, and live in the world. Some of those principles:

    • —a good book is your best friend, and a bad book is your worst enemy. 

    There is some content, a lot of content, that is actively bad for you. You probably have a good idea of what that is—some of it is bad for everyone, full stop, and other content may be bad for a person who is sensitive to certain concepts.

    • —being active in the world > (is greater than) viewing or reading about people being active.

    Whether it is traveling, cooking, spending time with friends, being active in a club, it’s much more satisfying to do than to watch or read about. Having said that, I’ve gotten great inspiration and motivation by seeing what others do, whether it’s a recipe emailed or texted to me by Dad, some random physical therapy exercises on Instagram, or an idea I’ve gotten from a podcast.

    • —local news and connections >  (is greater than) getting outraged about politics or world events.

    This is self-explanatory. I find it much better for my overall well-being to reduce the amount of news I consume. At the same time, I do want to have a balanced view of things, which is why I try to seek a range of different media sources. I also should be better at keeping up with local news, and being involved in my local community. Since we are still some time away from Election Day, I am going to make a note to find out what’s on the local/state ballot, who’s running for what locally, and decide who I want to vote for locally.

    • —creating content > consuming content. 

    Creating content, even if only for yourself or your family and friends (like The Mom Weekly, naturally!) is much more active and engaged. It may not be “fun” in the moment—though it can be— but it’s really worthwhile, and for me creates more happiness.

    • —digital Sabbaths can be a great idea. 

    I heard on a podcast someone saying that he put his phone in a drawer at the beginning of the weekend, and it was hard but wonderful. He said he could still go on the Internet, but he needed to do so on his computer. He could still watch a show on an actual TV. But the default was not “the computer in his pocket,” and so what he did became much more varied through the weekend.

    I’d love to try this, even on Sunday afternoons. I may even do it from time to time, but having a rule (“the phone goes in a different room from 1-5 p.m. on Sundays”) could be helpful for me.

    What would you add to this list? The more I think about this, the more I can add, but I’d love to hear what you would add to this.

    Remember how much I love you,

    Mom

    Interesting/Notable:

    The Financially Empowered Women: FEW 

    This is a group run by women for women under the umbrella of the White Coat Investor. I find WCI’s information pretty solid, and they’ve gotten

    In case you’re reading this the day it goes out, the FEW will be hosting a virtual presentation on Wednesday, September 11th, at 5:30 pm MT.

    Christine Benz, the director of personal finance for Morningstar, will be speaking. I’ve heard her interviewed on podcasts, and I’d love to be able to join in, as when I’ve joined in previously, there’s a good chance to ask questions and learn a lot. from other women who are interested in personal finance.

    The Unplugging Playbook

    Related to this week’s topic, this Substack post has useful ideas for how to schedule a time of unplugging from devices and the Internet

    An Action Item: Start Thinking About the Holidays

    We are heading into quite a few holidays, from birthdays to Thanksgiving, Advent, and Christmas. Take a few minutes this week—I will too!—to look ahead at the calendar. Some ideas of what you might consider:

    —things you want to do

    —presents you might want to get/give

    —traditions you want to continue or discontinue

    —foods or treats you might want to make or have 

    Let me know, or others if it involves others, so that we can make sure these things happen!

    What are you doing this weekend?

    So, now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing:

    *faith—when are you going to Mass?

    *friends—what friends will you see or connect with?

    *food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit?

    *fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally).