The Mom Weekly Volume 31: February 27, 2024
Notes: This week I’m writing more about what I shared last month in “Expect to be Scammed.”
In Praise of People Who Share Their Scam Stories
I am enormously grateful for journalist Charlotte Cowles, who share her story in New York Magazine recently of being scammed out of $50,000. It’s a gripping and well-told story:
The Day I Put $50,000 in a Shoebox and Handed It to a Stranger
I wrote in “Expect to be Scammed”
“All too often, people have shame about being a victim, and so they don’t want to come forward with their story. I remember thinking back in 2010 how great it was that Mr. Krumholz did come forward. I didn’t think less of him for coming forward—I thought more of him for telling the truth and alerting others. And I told him so at church!”
I’m quite sure that she went through a lot to get to the point where she could share her story. I’m so glad that she did, because it was not only brave, but instructive to everyone else.
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Charlotte Cowles does not read The Mom Weekly since she’s not a relative or friend (though anyone is welcome to sign up—see form below, smiley face emoji), but I would tell her: You are a brave person and a terrific writer. I’m proud of you. You can and should be proud of yourself. I sincerely hope your parents and your family members are very proud of you for this. Well done, and Thank You.
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Doubtless there are trolls online saying, “she’s so stupid” or “how could you fall for that,” but, to be diplomatic about it, those trolls are idiots. It should be obvious by now, anyone can be scammed, even personal finance writers, even the smartest person you know.
At the same time, we can all learn strategies to avoid fraudsters. As I wrote last time, I think involving trusted people in our financial lives can go a long way towards preventing problems.
Let’s talk about some takeaways from Cowles’ story:
*any number can be “spoofed.”
Cowles’ whole story begins when she picks up a call that appears to be coming from “Amazon.” Later, the scammer calls her back from the FTC phone number she finds online, telling her “It’s a government number. It cannot be spoofed.” (Wrong, of course). Any number can be spoofed.
*successful scams are more common than you think.
From Cowles’ article:
“When I did tell friends what had happened, it seemed like everyone had a horror story. One friend’s dad, a criminal-defense attorney, had been scammed out of $1.2 million. Another person I know, a real-estate developer, was duped into wiring $450,000 to someone posing as one of his contractors. Someone else knew a Wall Street executive who had been conned into draining her 401(k) by some guy she met at a bar.”
*scammers work to isolate their victims, and wear them down through sophisticated tactics.
Frank Abagnale, the reformed scammer whose early life is depicted in the movie Catch Me If You Can calls it putting victims “under the ether.”
He details this in his excellent 2019 book, Scam Me If You Can, and all the psychological tricks that criminals use to get people to trust them, or feel a sense of urgency.
This describes much of what Cowles was put through, from isolating her to. Cowles’ brother tells her that she basically experienced a “coerced confession.”
When Cowles investigates this theory more, a criminal justice professor tells her:
“If someone is trying to get you to be compliant, they do it incrementally, in a series of small steps that take you farther and farther from what you know to be true,” he said. “It’s not about breaking the will. They were altering the sense of reality.” And when you haven’t done anything wrong, the risk of cooperating feels minimal, he added. An innocent person thinks everything will get sorted out. It also mattered that I was kept on the phone for so long. People start to break down cognitively after a few hours of interrogation. “At that point, they’re not thinking straight. They feel the need to put an end to the situation at all costs.”
I implore you, please take the time to read her entire article. It is well, well worth it. If you find yourself thinking as you read, “I would never fall for that,” you’re correct—because you’re reading her account of it and you would not fall for that exact scam.
But there will be new ones, and the explosion of AI tools will spawn countless more. That’s why it is vital to arm yourself with knowledge, and make some decisions ahead of time about interacting with emails and phone calls.
Some advice from Mom:
*don’t answer incoming calls, and don’t click on links in emails.
I say this as someone who just answered a call purportedly from a health care provider , but you know what I mean. That goes for clicking on links in emails, even ones that look legitimate. You can call “Amazon” or “PNC” back to their number, and get a person on the phone that way. If you receive an email about something from “Amazon,” sketchy or not, it takes just a few seconds more time to log into the account on your own and check it out.
*if someone is keeping you on the phone for a long time, you can hang up.
You don’t even have to tell them you are going to do so.
Then, take a walk around the block, and talk to someone about whatever it is.
I remember years ago being on the phone with our cell phone provider for what seemed like ages updating someone’s phone. So when I read about how people “break down cognitively after a few hours” I thought, that’s true! I remember feeling so worn down, like, “just give me our new phone, and you can have whatever you want.” It wasn’t even a scam call.
*if someone tries to isolate you, it’s a red flag.
This is true no matter the context, but this week, let’s keep this on the topic of someone trying to scam you out of money.
For Cowles, the scammers led her to believe that both someone in her circle could be part of the criminals stealing her identity. And that the criminals could read all of her emails and text messages, so she should trust the “professional” on the phone with her.
Of course, there is always the chance that a deadbeat person close to you might be involved in scamming you, but not everyone around you. This is why having a wide range of people you talk to about money is important.
*consider reading a good book about scammers.
Try Scam Me If You Can: Simple Strategies to Outsmart Today’s Rip-Off Artists by Frank Abagnale. This book covers the seemingly endless variation of ways that fraudsters try to cheat money out of people.
A quote from this great book, which echoes my message:
“I believe we have to get back to forming strong communities where people know and look out for one another. A lot of fraud happens in isolation and online. If we look up from our electronic devices and limit our online time to specific tasks and goals, we will vie less prone to scammers online. We’ll also feel happier and less isolated.”
Remember how much I love you,
Mom
Interesting/notable:
The Happy Way to Drop Your Grievances: Arthur C. Brooks in The Atlantic
It seems like every year, mid-Lent, I think, “I should have given up complaining for Lent.” It’s hard to do so! Related: if I can give you one good thing (and there are many!) about getting older; I feel I have less to complain about.
An Action Item: Work on or Complete Your Taxes
If you haven’t already begun your taxes, try to give a go this week. You kids have relatively straightforward taxes, and it shouldn’t take very long to complete them. But I know the resistance can be strong, so how about, this week, you just try one small task? Plan to gather your documents. Here are some things to locate:
*W-2s from your employer (internships included)
*1099s from your banks/brokerages from interest on savings accounts, other income sources from stock sales, etc.
Incidentally, I was pleasantly surprised at how much interest we earned this year on our high-interest savings accounts. You may be, too! But you have to pay taxes on it.
That brings up another note: if you do have a windfall of some kind, and can’t figure out exactly what to do with it, stashing it in a high-yield savings account (such as ones offered by Discover, and some other online banks) is always a good idea. It will be earning a good amount of interest while you consider next steps.
What are you doing this weekend?
So, now that it’s Tuesday, what are you planning for the weekend? I’m going to suggest trying to cover four “F”s to get ideas flowing:
*faith—when are you going to Mass?
*friends—what friends will you see or connect with?
*food—any fun recipes you plan to try, or restaurants you plan to visit?
*fun—anything interesting you are going to play, watch, or do this weekend? Now’s the time to think it through, and put it on the calendar (even informally).